


The World Is Going to Shit

by robert_downey_jr



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Comfort, Drunken Kissing, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Groping, I actually hate tags but here, Kissing, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sexy Times, Shameless Smut, Slow Burn, Smut, Touching, Varric getting it, because i'm totally going to hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:15:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 49,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5222966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robert_downey_jr/pseuds/robert_downey_jr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric and Hawke's encounters throughout the years and what they've faced and realized together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shit Brandy

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna make friends with Varric/Hawke shippers.  
> :(

Hawke felt like shit—she’d have plenty of days where she’d felt like bogfisher poo but nothing compared to the level of shittyness she felt right now. She had met Varric at the bar nearly a half hour ago, both of them drowning themselves in Antivan brandy. 

She was in mourning from Bethany, how could she had been so stupid to take her sister along with her to the Deep Roads? Her mother’s warnings rang into her head like she was in the room. It was haunting her, she felt sick seeing her sister’s grey eyes stare right through her. 

She’d failed her family—again—and there wasn’t a damned thing to do about it. She was rich but it wasn’t going to fill the complete hole that had been made when she saw her sister being carried off with Stroud. Nothing compared to that damned pain. 

She sighed, swirling the brandy around in her mug while Varric knocked back another glass. She was definitely not going to remember that she came here tonight. She looked over at Varric, he’d had his guard up since they escaped the Deep Roads. He probably was the closest person that understood how she felt. 

She could hear Isabella inviting Fenris to a game of Wicked Grace, she faintly heard the invitation of playing it the dirty way to which Anders had appeared and objected instantly. Isabella stuck out her tongue and turned back to Fenris that put some coppers on the table. 

If it were any other time she’d been keen on playing a good game but she’d rather sit and stew with Varric. She felt Anders eyeing her the whole time but she wasn’t too fond of the idea of spewing her guts to him, or anyone for that matter. 

“You know what’s shitty?” Varric said suddenly, dragging her out of her head. She turned and raised an eyebrow to him.   
“This brandy?” 

He gave her a withering look before shifting in his seat. She’d bought a round of drinks just for the hell of it, why not spend some of that blood money and make some people happy for an hour? They’d tucked themselves away while the bar was nearly overflowing with people. She could feel Norah’s glare on her. 

“We’re good people, you help do stuff and I give excellent commentary but yet we get fucked over.” He groused while Hawke took another shot of the brandy, making a disgusted face and pouring herself even more of it. 

She detested the stuff but it was the only thing as of right then that was making her forget who she was. The only thing that was keeping her from crawling into a ball and crying until the next Blight. She sighed, contemplated on his words. He was right, he always was but she hated that she could feel how right he was in her bones. 

The Maker himself was taking a shit on her by giving her all these trials. She’d lost Carver and Bethany, how long was it going to be until the world was going to start crumbling at her feet? 

“I…I think that you are thinking with a sober mind and I’m encouraging you to drink more.”   
She slurred, her heart still ached while everyone else around them was enjoying life. She hated it. She wanted to forget everything. Varric took another shot, his face was straight while he observed the room around them. 

“How can you not make a face while drinking this?” 

“I’m used to it but I’m also completely shit-faced.” 

“Or could you say that you’re…stone-faced?” 

He gave her a glare before both of them erupted in a fit of laughter. She didn’t know why she found it so humorous but she was actually laughing. She leaned on his shoulder, holding her stomach while tears from the laughter threatened to spill over. 

“You’ve been waiting to use that pun, haven’t you?” 

“Since I first met you, Varric.” She said calming herself before she took another shot of her brandy. A question came into her clouded mind and soon enough it was tumbling out of her mouth before she realized she could stop it. 

“What was the first thing you thought when you saw me?” 

“Too tall,” he winked taking another sip. She rolled her eyes and leaned further onto him. 

“Would you like to know what I thought about you?” 

“I don’t need to know, I’m observant, remember? You probably felt so grateful that I got your coin purse back and you thought about how charming and attractive I am.” 

“I thought, if there was a dwarf that I would have an awkward sexual encounter with—it would be you.” 

Varric leaned back, placing a hand on his chest while looking offended. “I’ll have you know that I am very experienced inside the bedroom.” 

Hawke made a noise with her lips while she took a sip from the bottle itself this time. She was too drunk and too lazy to pour the damn liquid into her mug. She suddenly realized he made no remark on her thinking about him sexually. 

“Now, you tell me what you thought of me. Don’t give me the height excuse again. I know when you’re lying through your teeth.” She warned, waving a shaky finger around him. He put her hand down and sighed. 

“Honest to the Ancestors, I thought that you were too tall—but I did wonder what it would feel like to have those long leg wrapped around me.” 

A blush rushed to her cheeks, Varric smirked before taking another drink. She half-heartedly hoped one of two things. First, she hoped that she wouldn’t remember this tonight. Second, that some part of her hoped she would remember it. 

If they did end up remembering it, they’d tease and joke about it for the next several years. For a dwarf, she was most definitely attracted to him. He’d clear as day reject her because of his own preference for shorter women, however, some part of her hoped. 

“Kiss me,” she said quickly causing Varric eyes to open wide in surprise. The shade in her cheeks darkened but she pinned him with her stare. 

“We’re both too drunk to be able to remember this by tomorrow, just kiss me.” She nearly demanded it, she was surprised by the unexpected need to have him kiss her. His lips would definitely be the perfect distraction from the pain in her chest. 

“Hawke-“ he started, she knew he’d try to caution this and try to think rationally through his drunken stupor. 

“By the Maker,” she said exasperatedly before grasping him by the lapel of his coat and crushing her lips to his.   
Instant wildfire spread through her blood stream. She wondered if this is what being a mage felt like, the rush of adrenaline while heat radiated through her. Her body could erupt into flames this very second and she wouldn’t have minded it. 

Varric didn’t falter before his hand snaked around the back of her neck and tilted her head to get a better angle. This angle caused her knees to shake, she wondered if this was because of the brandy taking its course through her system or that quite possibly he was this such of an amazing kisser. 

She opened her mouth while Varric’s tongue slid right into her mouth. She crushed her body onto his, one leg snaking over his while she slid into his lap. She whimpered in his mouth, drawing out a groan from with him. The way he kissed her nearly drove her mad. He kissed her like he definitely had something to prove and by Andraste’s tits, he was going above and beyond. 

He claimed her with his mouth, making her feel like she couldn’t go to any man after this. Her tongue met his while she bravely ran her hands along his chest, her fingers tangling in the chest hair that she fantasized about. 

The room erupted in cheers and the two ripped apart from each other, Hawke’s butt landing right back into her seat. Both were panting while Isabella had managed to get three men to take off their shirts, her smirk overbearingly prideful. 

Hawke didn’t turn to Varric, she was afraid of the look he’d give her. Her body was tingling and she had the mightiest need to drag him back to his room and have her way with him. To show him precisely what bedding a human woman would feel like.   
Instead, she stood taking her last drink of the brandy. The room spun around her, keeping her feet planted firmly she turned her head to face him. His face was nearly as red as hers but his pupils were dilated, his eyes raking over her nearly making her shiver. 

“I…I shall see you tomorrow, Varric.” 

Varric’s expression quickly changed back into the demeanor before the kiss. It was like a snap of the fingers and the hypnotism was over. She needed to either go find somewhere to relieve the throbbing between her legs or find someone (that wasn’t Varric) to do it for her.   
She disappeared through the crowd as Varric stayed behind, he lost his urge to drink what was left of the brandy. He groaned, covering his groin while he escaped to his bedroom. He was to douse himself with cold water before he was to sleep away this memory that was burning its way into his mind.


	2. Family Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes part in the middle of Act II.  
> Hawke shows up to The Hanged Man with more than one reason to drink.

Varric had remembered that someone was sleeping next to him but he had forgotten that it was Hawke that took up most of the bed. He roused himself from sleep at his usual hour to see the tall rogue sleeping peacefully beside him. He was fully clothed where as she just slept in her leathers and tunic. 

He remembered faintly that Hawke had swaggered into the Hanged Man carrying a wicked storm inside her own hand as she drank herself into a stupor. She’d been tipsy when he joined her in the drinking festivities but that was only to find out why the famed hero was drinking herself into unconsciousness. 

Apparently, she’d gotten into an argument with her mother when Hawke had come home and had three suitors begging for her hand. She had revealed that all she had to do was unsheathe her blades and say three words before they were all scrambling out. 

Leandra had been trying to get her daughter married since they rose back into nobility a few years ago. Something to keep the old woman’s heart at ease in case anything was to go wrong in the foreseeable future. Hawke, wasn’t too fond of the idea of being married off—or being married in general. The two women had argued on Hawke’s best intentions but it ended up with her getting shit faced at the bar. 

He rubbed his eyes, turning back to look at Hawke. She had a leg draped over his underneath the blankets. She had one arm tucked underneath a pillow while her other arm touched the spot where Varric was laying. She snored slightly but Varric knew better, he was waiting for the deep snore of hers to return. 

Her short wispy hair was turned up in every direction but her face was surprisingly peaceful. He gathered that it was from the plethora of ale and brandy she’d inhaled by the time she stumbled into his room per his request. 

He recalled seeing the rogue, stumble around on her feet while she flirting with Isabella who was more than willing to drag Hawke back to her quarters. Varric had to practically fight off the pirate and dragged her back to his room where she toppled into his bed. 

She was face down into the bed while she had managed to unbuckle and unclasp most of her armor and tossed it onto the floor where it clattered too loud for comfort. He was too busy shooing Isabella to notice that Hawke had slid into his sheets and claimed the bed as her own property. 

He’d fought himself, questioning whether or not he should sleep in his bed or just find a room and pay Norah for it. He dismissed that thought almost instantly, he was a man of honor and things between them were strictly…platonic. So he’d kicked off his boots and fell asleep beside her. 

He couldn’t say that it wasn’t nice sleeping next to her but it felt almost strange to have Hawke peacefully dreaming next to him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d have a woman stay in his bed longer than just a few hours. It was almost pleasant. 

The almost part came right into play as soon as her obnoxious snoring came out of her mouth. He rolled his eyes, sliding one of his legs out from hers he climbed out of the bed. Her snore was cut shortly while she stirred slightly but then continued once he crept out of his room. 

He poked his head into the tavern to see Norah and Corff eyeing him suspiciously. He didn’t have to say anything before Norah presented him with two plates of food and waved him back into his room. He almost hoped he didn’t have to go back and deal with Hawke. 

Hawke sat on his bed, sitting on her knees she rubbed her eyes while the blanket still covered her shoulders. She gave a sheepish smile, a slight blush warming her cheeks while she stood and joined him at the table. 

“I was questioning whether I should go get Aveline to get your butt up.” 

“I would have been grumpy all day, would you enjoy that?”

Varric chuckled, picking at his food. “How is that any different from any other day?” 

Hawke gave a smirk, she cleared her throat. “Thanks for not getting Aveline and for letting me sleep here.” 

“I remember faintly that you and Leandra had a fight before you challenged me to a drinking contest. Then, everything else is faint and blurry.” 

He watched as she sighed and straightened her posture, her fork picking at the eggs on the table. The way her hair stuck up and how she reacted reminded Varric of a child. A big, deadly, scary child that had a slight drinking problem. 

“It’s the fact that all she wants is to have me married away to some noble and I’d rather eat metal than being shown off like some prize.” 

She’d given him the lecture before but it felt different this time. She’d always make a remark how she wasn’t interested in anyone of her inner circle. Blondie admired her from afar but she wouldn’t let anything come of it due to their friendship. 

She’d kept the intimate part of her sealed off and viciously fought anyone who dared to come near it. She was closer to Varric than anyone else but he’d been at her side since the beginning. She’d come to him for anything and knew that it would dismantle everything they worked for. 

“If you marry a noble that’ll be the day that the world ends.” 

“Maker forbid I ever do get married, the poor sod.” She winked, Varric chuckled at the thought of Hawke settling down. She was never the type to settle or sit still, she had to move and keep on her toes because danger was in every corner and she sought it out. 

A regular man wouldn’t have the patience or the balls to stay with her. A regular man wouldn’t want her around and saving lives and being the hero she is. They’d want her to be kept inside, just telling stories at stupid parties and make dreadful boring babies that she would teach how to hold a blade. 

Hawke wasn’t a woman that liked normal or liked the idea of settling for safety. She lived dangerously and even though it was a life that broke her from the inside out, she continued to press forward. To show everyone just what she was capable of. 

That’s why no regular man deserved her, no one did. Everyone could see the storm she was all the time but no one ever stayed for the calm waters afterwards. No one deserved to see her at her greatest and purest moments. They’d never understand it, only he did. 

Hawke noticed his staring and looked up from chewing her food to raise an eyebrow at him. 

“Quit staring at me while I eat, it’s weird.” She quipped which jerked Varric out of his thoughts. He turned back to his own meal. It was on this morning that he knew that he loved Hawke and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback or reviews are always welcome.  
> :)


	3. Damn Mabari

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric ends up seeing more than he bargained for when he goes searching for Hawke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to hell anyways so I might drag some people down with me.

“Where’s Hawke?” 

Varric asked looking around the campsite to see that their leader had definitely disappeared. He rubbed his temples, he should put a leash on that woman before she goes off exploring unrecognized territory. He glared at Blondie who poked at the fire he had been so kind to light with a just the snap of his fingers.

Rivaini sat at the fire, her legs crossed while she observed her twin blades, poking her finger at the tips. She looked over, giving him an uninterested look before sighing, “Hawke said she was going to take a shower to get the smell of mabari off of her. I offered to help get some of those…hard to reach places but she-“ 

“Turned you down flat.” Blondie cut in causing her to stick out her tongue and then make an obscene gesture with her hand. 

“You guys decided to let go alone? Are you two aware that she’s prone to bad luck?” 

“Someone has their pants in a twist, shall I help with that?” 

“You’ll have to get yours untwisted first, Rivaini.” 

Blondie let out a laugh while Varric left to go see that the insufferable woman hadn’t actually gotten herself killed. They’d been on a mission to go find some noblewoman’s son who fled westward without giving a single reason other than that he ‘found someone who accepted him’. Which terrified the mother to death and of course Hawke being the good person she is, took on the request. 

They’d been traveling from the outskirts of Sundermount. That mountain would be the only thing leading them home in case Hawke got the entire crew lost ass deep in the forest. Hawke had been happy enough to enjoy the scenery and silence from being away from Kirkwall but damn he did the incessant chirping from the birds drive him mad. 

The only thing they’d fought off was rabid mabari, wolves, and a few bears. He hadn’t seen any other human contact or sign of traveling Dalish at all. This place was untouched, almost sacred and to have them trampling over it felt wrong. Varric stopped a few paces ahead when he heard rushing water. In front of him was Hawke’s armor, folded neatly and in a line. 

Hawke would fold her clothes but Andraste forbid that she would keep an organized schedule on a daily basis. He heard faint sounds of splashing and the crickets that liked to chirp more than the birds did. He should have told Hawke that he would keep watch around the area but all of that stopped once he heard her panting. 

He hid himself by the nearest tree and slowly poked his head out. He could only see a side view of her but she was definitely stripped completely bare. Her body leaned against a rock as the moon illuminated the water around her, that dripped from her hair down to her neck and her slid off her breasts. 

His mouth went dry, he knew it was wrong, so completely wrong. He had reached a limit that he knew he should have bowed out and left her to her own devices. However, he couldn’t stop watching her. He had wondered what she looked like underneath all the leathers she wore, he’d stared at her arse longer than what was deemed normal but to have it in front of him…it nearly made him breathless. 

A whimper came from her mouth and Varric’s attention was shot back to her. She had a long lean leg propped up on the rock with her, her left hand trailed up her side and she grasped a breast. He watched as her other hand was hidden behind her leg. 

He couldn’t move his feet nor could he remove his eyes from her display. He was a man of honor but curiosity was really getting the best of him. Hawke’s back arched slightly against the rock as her fingers twisted one of the erect buds. 

A full moan escaped her mouth causing all of Varric’s blood to rush to his groin. He bit down on his tongue while her face furrowed in concentration, hurrying for a steady release. Maker, he wanted to slap that hand away from her and finish the job himself. 

No, he shouldn’t be thinking this. This was his best-friend, to see her like this was forbidden. He was to lock this part of him--the part that wanted to have her arch and moan for him—away. This could have been the most reckless thing he’d ever done. 

“Varric…” She moaned loudly, he felt his blood run cold while his face turned a shade darker. 

Did she say she say my name? Was my name actually part of that moan? He thought. He pressed his hand along his cock where he was quite literally pitching a tent. He watched as Hawke’s movements sped up, her moans becoming more breathy, more focused. 

He couldn’t leave now, not when she had said his name in such a way that could make him reveal himself. He needed to see her reach her limit, he wanted to hear and see what she was like as she came. He needed to memorize every detail just for the sake of ending this painful erection for later. 

Hawke’s mouth opened and her hips lifted just the slightest while the loudest of moans had escaped her lips. She rode against her fingers, working against what she imagined to be his cock. What should have be his cock. His jaw tensed up seeing her relax back against the rock. Her breathing was unsteady and his nearly was unsteady too. 

He could only see images of Hawke doing all those things while his mouth was on her sex. He wanted to see her writhe and cry out against his mouth before he brought her over the edge. He wanted to be the one to lick her fingers. 

He slowly backed out and away to give back the privacy he stole from her. He felt horrible as he trudged back through the damned forest, he held his erection down by holding Bianca in front of him as he walked back into the camp. 

“Did you get to see her naked?” Isabela asked cocking her head. 

“I couldn’t find her but I did find another mabari, damn thing.” He groused before going straight for his tent where he was to sit and wait for everyone to go to theirs and he was to work out his problem.

Damn that woman. 

Andraste damn it all.


	4. Misery Loves It's Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric is sent to help pick up the remaining pieces of Hawke after Leandra's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because this is how I envisioned my Hawke after Leandra's death.

Varric walked through Hawke’s front doors where in the entry Bodahn and Sandal greeted him. Bodahn gave him a solemn shake of his head before he heard something shatter in the study. He didn’t have to say a word before he went toward the room. He placed an ear to the door first, he was waiting to hear the clang of metal, and she’d be playing with the daggers by now.

He heard her sobs and more scuffling inside the study. He looked at the spot where Leandra should have stood. She would have been there if it weren’t for that damned murderer. That desecrated Leandra, which pulled the very last strings to Hawke’s sanity free. 

She’d killed him so swiftly and so violently that even he was afraid she’s turn on him. Hawke had clung onto her mother’s dead body as she sobbed over it. It was only for a few minutes before the tears had dried and she didn’t say a word before she left the foundry district. She didn’t say anything to anyone before she disappeared off the streets. 

It wasn’t until Bodahn had sent word for him that she needed help. He was the only one to understand, to see the severity of this and that would still treat her the same after this. 

He was expecting a storm but he wasn’t expecting her destroy the entire city with this. 

“WHY?” 

She screamed, the yell echoing throughout the house, it echoed so painfully through him that he held a hand to his chest. Feeling his own heart twinge in pain. She sounded so irrevocably broken that she could have made anyone want to cry. 

He opened the door slowly, trying not to have a dagger thrown at him in the process. When he got full view of the room, he bit back his surprise. Hawke stood around in the midst of what looked like a war. Books were thrown off the shelves, tables had been turned over with what looked like brandy that had been spilled onto the floor. She was surrounded in papers while her own eyes seethed with pain. 

She turned and looked at him, her eyes were empty her face was flushed from throwing everything around. It was a sight that would send anyone running out of that room. She was never the type to keep quiet. 

“Why are you here?” She hissed, the sting felt like she’d thrown poison onto him. 

“I’m here to help you, Hawke. You’re scaring the shit out Bodahn and Sandal.” 

“What does it matter anymore? Why does anything matter?” 

“Hawke, I know-“ 

“Don’t. Don’t try to say you understand. You’ve never actually lost every family member that you’ve ever had in your life. Everyone I have ever cared for is dead!” 

“That’s not true-“ 

“ISN’T IT? I can never love anyone because they’ll get killed or sent away. Bethany is gone, Carver is dead from me not protecting him and my own mother was BUTCHERED and put together with other people’s body parts to recreate a mage’s dead wife. It’s all my fault!” 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“Isn’t it? It’s all my fault, I have no one. Just leave.”

He walked up to her and yanked her down by the chest plate so she was looking at him in the eyes. 

“Don’t you dare think for a second that you’re alone in this shithole of a world. You’ve got me and a whole handful of crazies waiting for you, knowing you’ll pull through this. 

Don’t you dare think you’re beside yourself because you know for a fact that I am here for you, that I will ALWAYS be here.” 

He nearly shouted in her face, he hated being mean to her but she needed sense. They were both huffing with anger but for the first time, he’d finally see Hawke come undone. She dropped to her knees, tears streaming down her face as strangled sobs ripped through her throat. 

“I wasn’t fast enough.” 

Varric sat down and wrapped his arms around her tightly. The flood gates had been blown open and everything Hawke had ever bottled up came rushing out. She gripped onto his duster, her head on his chest as she wept in his arms. 

He held her for minutes before she couldn’t cry anymore, before she had exhausted herself completely and just leaned against him as if she was waiting for the next wave of misery to crash onto her. He hated seeing her like this, if there was anyone that was more out for blood than her it would be him. He would have tortured the bastard and made his death painful. 

To see Hawke this shattered and frail in his arms made his blood boil. He’d never expected to see her fall this hard, to ever show herself like this was something she’d never display again. He could feel how empty and abandoned she felt. 

After what could have been a lifetime of holding her in his arms, Hawke sniffled before slowly standing up.

She looked like a mindless creature, empty. 

He stood and helped her walk to her room. She stood there quietly while he removed the armor from her, scrubbing the blood off her hands and arms. He wiped away all of the traces of blood and tears from her face. 

He kept his eyes away while she changed into cleaner clothing, giving her privacy yet staying in close range. Once she changed, she made her way toward her bed. He lifted the covers while she slid in, she stared blankly at her windows, her breathing still ragged from earlier.

“Thank you,” she spoke out, her voice hoarse from the sobbing. 

Varric leaned over and stroked her face, she caught his hand and held it there for a few seconds while his breath reflexively caught in his throat. 

She leaned down and placed her lips on his palm, the kiss sent tingles up his arm and down his spine. It was only for a moment longer before her grip weakened and he heard her breathing steady as she slipped into unconsciousness. 

When he quietly exited the room, he saw Bodahn poke his head out the door from the study already carrying glass shards from the floor. He sighed before approaching him and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“She’ll need some food and then maybe a bath prepared within the next few hours. I’m going to go get some stuff from my place and I’ll be back to sit with her. Don’t worry about the mess, I’ll clean it up.” 

“How kind of you, Messere Tethras but with all due respect Messere Hawke needs you in there with her. I shall make the preparations as soon as possible.”   
He watched Bodahn dispose the glass shards into the fire before going right back into the study. Sandal stood not too far away from at his usual rune crafting table. He gave the boy a forced smile but Sandal shook his head. 

“Sad,” was all he said before turning his attention to the study.   
Varric left the house and made his way back to the Hanged Man. 

~

When he entered the place was quiet, people shuffled around and only whispered. He saw Isabella walk over to him and nod her head toward his room. 

He would have objected on any other day but instead he followed her. She was almost surprisingly quiet when they entered his room. She sat at the edge of his table, folding her hands in her lap before looking up at him. 

“Everyone’s heard of Leandra’s death…they are all in silence because of Hawke.” 

Varric shuffled around his room, grabbing the current book he had been reading and then some of his contracts to look over. 

“I’m not surprised, gossip travels faster than flies on crap.” He grumbled shoving them into one of his satchels. He briefly wondered if he had a good bottle of brandy stashed somewhere. Isabela cleared her throat obnoxiously directing his attention back to her. 

“How is she?” 

He could have lied to her and told her that she was doing surprisingly well for someone that lost the last family she had left—he was purposely excluding Gamlen from the list. But he could see for once that Isabela was genuinely concerned. 

“Not good,” he sighed before strapping Bianca back to his back. Isabella shook her head and stood, Varric made a mental note to clean his table when he’d come back from Hawke’s. They walked out together and stopped at the top of the stairs. 

“Help her, Varric. Make sure that we have her all in one piece.”

~

When he returned back to the Hawke estate. Varric had stayed beside her for the next two days, making sure she ate and slept peacefully. She was calmer with him next to her, he never left her side. At one point, Hawke had reached out and held onto his tunic, being comforted by the fact that he was still there. 

She barely moved but if she did she would curl up into his side while he bravely dared to stroke her hair. Varric knew that she wouldn’t have let anyone else do this, she wouldn’t let anyone touch her as intimately as Varric did. It comforted her. 

He knew that she’d be pieced back together but after this, she wouldn’t ever be the same. She wasn’t ever going to be the same Hawke. She was going to conceal herself, hiding herself away once again and shoving any signs of distress down before she would completely collapse again. He feared that more than he feared death itself.


	5. Idiots With Pointy Sticks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke is left alone with the Arishok and Varric is left alone with the possibility of her dying.

Varric had to be dragged out by Aveline and Fenris. Damn that elf for getting the idea that Hawke could face down the Arishok. Varric was thrown into a chair, he was struck with a slap. It had stung against his cheek. It was a ploy for him act more sensible but damn it all Hawke was in the next room fighting for all of Kirkwall and her own life. If he had stayed any longer he was to be dragged out kicking and screaming. 

She had been exhausting from fighting her way up from the docks. She had been weak fighting through Qunari spies and soldiers themselves. She tore through them like silk on a sharpened blade. Even when she earned her title as Basalit-An and Fenris convinced the Arishok to duel her, she seemed as ready as ever. She'd barely looked at him while she ordered Aveline to take Varric out of the throne room. 

He was wondering now if she did that so he'd avoid seeing her die. The thought sickened him. 

“She can handle herself, Varric!” Aveline hissed at him. Varric couldn’t see straight, not when the person he cared about most was going up against a qunari leader beyond the doors. 

“She’s resourceful with her surroundings and quick with her blades.” Fenris said, making Aveline and Varric nearly tilt their head in surprise. Varric calculated when the last time the warrior gave any sort of compliment towards anyone but came up with no solution. Then he saw it, just underneath that broodiness and that thoughtful look, Fenris was almost as scared as he was. 

“Hawke can do this. She was a mercenary before all this, remember? She’s fought off dragons and darkspawn. You’re giving her little credit.” Aveline hissed at Varric. She was right, he’d made countless tales how the wonder of Hawke and all of her fascinating skills but this was so much more different. 

“However, all that requires less thought. Hawke is going up against a qunari that is just as skilled as she.” Fenris cut in, both Aveline and Varric had matching scowls toward the elf. Sometimes, Varric wanted to ring his neck at how brutally honest he was. 

A scream cut through the hall, Varric’s chest could have ripped open at the very second he realized it belonged to Hawke. He leapt forward but Aveline immediately knocked him back down into his seat. Her eyes flashed to the door where more sounds of clanging metal and loud grunts came from the room. He could go in there with Bianca and end it all right there. 

He could easily cut down that damned Arishok and save her from impending death. He could go save her and this shit would be over. How was he supposed to continue living in Kirkwall knowing that Hawke wasn’t going to come kicking in his door any time soon? Or how was he going to write to Bethany to tell her that she was the last Hawke in the family line? 

Suddenly, he felt like a wave had crashed onto him. Each movement made a different part of him go numb at the fact that Hawke might not survive this. He recalled stories where she’d boast about huge bandits or highwaymen that she’d easily cut through. This, however, was completely different from those tales. 

For once, Varric couldn’t possibly imagine how to survive this. If he lost Hawke, nothing would have meaning. All the help she’d given, the status that had been put on her, it was all going to be wasted on some qunari bastard that was forcing beliefs down everyone’s throats.   
He wanted to throttle Isabela for putting Hawke into this situation, if she hadn’t stolen the damn book from them he’d have Hawke sitting with him at The Hanged Man. There would be no Arishok problem and the city might be in better shape than this. 

Then, as if Andraste had appeared within that room herself, he heard a large clang of metal onto the floor. Varric shoved through Aveline this time, throwing out his arms and busting open the doors to see Hawke standing above the Arishok. Her blades dripping with his blood, he noticed she was already leaning on one foot. 

So, she had been struck after all, he thought. 

He was numb from head to toe while the Arishok gave his speech before he finally died in front of them. Varric barely noticed—his eyes staring down Hawke’s back—the remaining qunari silently left. They didn’t make any eye contact or make any noises as they followed out, leaving their dead Arishok behind them. 

From then on, it was a whirlwind of cheering. Isabela had made her entrance and it was Varric who had to hold Aveline back from striking down the pirate captain. Meredith had appeared and gave her thanks while Hawke was named Champion of Kirkwall—a title she damn well deserved. 

Then, finally everyone was slowly dispersing from the Keep and Hawke managed to catch her breath. She gave one look to Varric before completely collapsing into him. Anders had appeared in a heartbeat already helping her to the ground. 

“Maker’s balls that hurts!” She hissed clawing at the stab wound that had already ripped back open. Her head laid in Varric’s lap as a flood of profanities escaped her bloodied lips. Hawke’s fingers found his and tangled with them in mere seconds while Anders was already observing the wound. 

“It’s nothing serious but any deeper and he could have easily torn through an artery or intestine.” Anders mumbled reaching for his elfroot potions in his satchel. Varric gripped   
Hawke’s hand and sighed in relief, looking down at her with a frown. 

“You’re an idiot and I hate you.” He said to her. 

“But I’m your idiot and you love me.” She said back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted more of an argument from Varric. I imagine him he would quite pissed that she'd go into hand-to-hand combat with the Arishok. When I envisioned the aftermath of her accepting the duel, this is what came to mind. 
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed!


	6. Naughty Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Varric finally have a talk after Hawke's becoming of the Champion.  
> Things take a turn for the naughty when she inquires about Varric's sex life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in the early part of Act III
> 
> I also have no shame

Varric was knee deep in documents when Hawke had thrown herself into the nearest seat giving a sigh. He raised his eyes from the paper to give her a good look, each day she seemed to look more exhausted. Possibly from doing chores for both Meredith and Orsino. Norah had shown up in a heart-beat, giving the famed Champion a drink and left quicker than when she arrived. 

Hawke leaned her body onto the table, one hand running through her wisps. She’d been so busy that her hair had gotten it’s chance to get length once again. It swept right above her eyebrows but only tiny pieces had touched her eyelashes. Her emerald eyes that were usually bright and excited, had dulled and hardened. 

She’d aged more in these past few years than the entirety of her stay in Kirkwall. She no longer looked at the city as a home but as a constant reminder of what’s she’s gained and lost all in one draw. The two had been separated and busy with their own duties for the past few weeks. This was his first time seeing her since their last journey together—he wished she’d been in a better mood when she had thrown herself into the tavern. 

“This world is going to shit,” Hawke said taking a sip of her ale, her eyes flicking up to meet his. Varric stopped his gawking at her before placing his papers onto the table. 

“The world is always going to shit, Hawke.” 

Hawke’s eye swept over to the fire place where they seemed to dance with the flames. She placed her head on her arm, her face softening from the hardened look she had plastered on earlier. A frown worked its way across her face. Varric would have said a snarky remark about how she looks less attractive with that scowl on her but he could sense the anxiety and that inner sadness creeping its way through her. 

“Do you ever just…bad luck seems to follow me, you’re aware of this, right?” 

Varric counted plenty of times that the Maker had been less than nice to Hawke’s poor soul. Her home in Lothering being completely destroyed, losing Carver, Bethany leaving to the Grey Wardens, her mother dying and then the Arishok invasion…

“I think I’m more aware of it now than ever, what’s this about?” 

“Do you ever want to leave this place? Go start somewhere new and find a new name?” 

It was an honest question, one that he disagreed on. Kirkwall had bad times but what city didn’t? He’d claimed this city as his home and he was damn adamant about keeping it like this. He had plans that he’d settle down here (with who exactly he would settle with was a hard question), he’d continue writing here, and he planned on dying here (if not on dying along side Hawke).

“In all honesty, no. I’ve never wanted to leave this place as bad it is. Have you suddenly had a realization that being a housewife sounds better?” 

Hawke’s face twisted into disgust, he had been right that Hawke wasn’t a woman to stay still in a place for too long. He knew that she could never be tied down or never have the patience to exactly stay. He despised the idea of her being a housewife as much as she did.  
She wasn’t a woman that was meant to be locked inside all day, not with her impressive skill of playing with knives. 

“I’m tired of being a hero.” She stated before taking another sip of her ale. If he knew their first discussion in weeks was to be sad and depressing he would have ordered continuous amounts of ale or whiskey. 

“Tough luck, kid. That’s what being amazing at poking people with sharp things and saving the world does to you. Heroes aren’t guaranteed happy endings.” 

“Then I demand a rewrite,” Hawke sad banging her fist on the table. Varric noticed people’s heads turning towards the noise and watched as they instantly twisted their heads back to their own table. Even they knew better to not say anything when Hawke was sporting a bad mood. 

“You know, as much as I hate the sappy shit, if I was the writer of your story I’d have you disappearing into the sunset with someone that I could actually tolerate.” 

Hawke’s eyebrow raised while her face remained unconvinced. It was a lie, there was no one that was good enough for her. There was no one that could easily measure up to her status. He’d rather attend a Merchants Guild meeting than see her go off with someone she thinks to be a knight in shining armor. 

“You’d write my ending as this bittersweet kind of ending. You’d have me sailing away from my true love and have me gallivanting all around Thedas until fate brought us together again.” 

“Maybe you should write my next novel for me,” he said taking a sip of his brandy. He despised thinking about the future as much as he hated that one day Hawke wasn’t going to be in Kirkwall and she wasn’t going to be…with him. He made a face to himself, maybe the continuous round of drinks would come in use after all. 

“Is this for your crime serial or for your smutty series?” 

Varric choked on his drink, his eyes flashing to Hawke who was now smirking. At least she wasn’t pouting, he thought. He was eying Norah to come over (hopefully to break the tension) and break heavier drinks to him. 

“I don’t think you need to help me with my smut, I’m more than experienced in that than you realize.” 

“Hmm, my own best-friend catching more tail than me these days, how should I feel?” 

“Jealous,” he muttered under his breath and knocked the remnants of his drink down his throat. Hawke gave a laugh. 

“I’m always of the ladies you bed, Varric. If only one of them was me, what kind of man are you in bed?” 

“How did our depressing topic change so quickly?” He tried to calculate how the topic took a twist to filthy and somewhat invigorating. This was his chance to talk about how amazing he was at…other activities. This was also his chance to figure out what made Hawke flinch. 

“I bet you’re the type that likes to remain in control….the kind that pins a woman down and ravishes her there. No! I change my mind, you’re a gentle lover, aren’t you? You’re the kind that takes his time with a woman, finding out what makes her back bow off the bed and what exactly drives her insanely mad with desire?” 

Suddenly, Norah appeared and brought a bottle of whiskey to the two and was beckoned over to a table of drooling men while she glared at them. Varric popped the top off the bottle and brought it to his lips before sliding it toward Hawke. 

“It all depends—“ 

“On?” 

“The woman, the mood, the location and my feelings. If it was a slow build up then I’ll ravish them but I’ll take my time making sure that I’m exactly the man they want. I would want to find the parts of their body that drove them crazy. I’d make sure I’d hit the spot that had them clawing at my chest and back,” he leaned in toward Hawke making sure his eyes pinned her into her seat. 

Her pupils were dilated and her cheeks had the smallest of blushes. Her tongue ran along her lower lip, he wondered how she’d taste in his mouth. He hid his desire with his duster, not breaking eye contact as he talked slowly with his next set of words. 

“I’d want her hips arched against me, her chest heaving with pleasure, I’d want to feel her own heart beating against my chest. The vibrations I’d feel in my mouth while she moaned into it. Then, I’d want to watch her as she shattered beneath me. That is what kind of lover I am.” 

Hawke’s cheeks were bright red and the blush extended itself to her ears. He smirked watching as Hawke took a deep drink from the brandy. He was going to need it soon enough to dull the throbbing of his groin. How long would it take her to snap? He wondered. How long would it take her until she would reach over the table and attack him with her mouth? 

"Are you blushing Hawke?" Varric teased. 

Hawke leaned back, her face had instantly set right back into her normal look. Not like the desire-crazed woman he had a second ago. He kept his surprise hidden while she smiled at him. 

“No...I just see you don’t need my help after all.” 

I will after you stand up, he thought.

“Thanks for the talk, Varric. I needed it.” 

Hawke stood stretching her back, she gave him a wink before disappearing out of the tavern. He wondered what part in the talk that she needed most. He hoped it was the dirty talk and he damn well hoped it was going to be something she’d think about later tonight. He'd at least gotten a blush from her.


	7. Who's Blushing Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke gets cheeky while nearly freezing to death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because fluff and cheekiness

It was colder than the Maker’s balls outside. Hawke shivered in her armor while the storm outside howled incredibly. Her teeth chattered obnoxiously while she pulled her blanket firmly around her. Her tent was shaking with the wind and by Andraste she was going to turn into an icicle. 

“You’re going to chip your teeth by your chattering,” Varric mumbled next to her. He was turned away from her, he was still wearing his leathers and seemed perfectly content against the raging storm outside their tent. 

“I-I-I can’t h-h-help it that it’s fucking f-freezing,” she chattered, another shiver ran down her spine. Merrill and Aveline shared another tent but they weren’t going to dare share their extra blankets. The trek back to Kirkwall was at least a day’s walk and there was no way she could make it with the storm. 

“A-aren’t you the t-t-tiniest bit c-c-cold?” Hawke asked, Varric twisted and turned to look at her. The cold hadn’t bothered him and since he was short and bulky he had more body heat to him. He was perfectly warm with himself. Hawke, on the other hand, was pale and her own leathers didn’t look like they held any sort of armor for her. 

He tutted at her before propping himself up on his elbow. Hawke took a moment to admire him with his bed-hair, it hovered above his shoulders, the pony tail loose behind him. She hated being attracted to him at the most inconvenient of times. 

“If you’re cold, you can always sleep with me.” 

“Wh-what?” Hawke stuttered but that wasn’t from the chills than through her. If she wasn’t nearly frozen to her core a blush would have erupted on her cheeks. She thanked Andraste for giving her this small victory. He shrugged at her. 

“Let’s face it, I’ll have more body heat and both of won’t sleep with your chattering. It’s just sleeping.” 

Hawke was too damn cold to object and since their friendship was (disappointingly) plantonic, she knew there wouldn’t be any sexual awkwardness. Dragging her blanket with her, Hawke slid right into Varric’s chest. Instantly, she felt warmth spread slowly through her body. She gave a sigh of relief and tried to steady her mouth from chattering even further. 

Varric fixed the blankets above them and brought his arm underneath the side of his head. He felt Hawke’s breathing finally steady and her body relax against him. He felt calm beside her, this hadn’t been the first time they’d slept together. She had a habit of crawling into his bed when she was far too intoxicated to go home. She’d done that a few times and there was the time after Leandra’s death. 

That was a different time, this was the only time where the other was sober and lucid. This time it wasn’t for comfort of grieving. It was a silly thing to be excited about but he loved being next to her even if her legs were just far too long for his liking. 

He faintly remembered when he’d wake up and her legs had managed to tangle with his and she would be curled into his chest like she was now. It took nearly all of his strength to not stroke her hair or place kisses along her jawline or neck. He dismissed the thoughts that seeped into his mind. He wasn’t going to think like this. 

“Your heart beat has picked up, do I make you nervous?” She asked looking up at him. Varric swallowed thickly and gave her a wink. 

“You know having any beautiful woman lying next to me will make me nervous.” 

“Damn, here I was thinking that I could persuade you to help me with other ways to keep me warm.” Hawke’s eyebrow raised up while a devilishly grin cracked across her face. She gave a laugh before placing her head back against his chest. 

He was praying to the Ancestors, Andraste and the damn Maker that they’d let him survive the night because he was running out of arguments to not help keep her warm. If he wanted to, he’d slide down right now, press her into the ground and claim her as his. It was wrong, foolish and he wasn’t going to do it.  
But that didn’t stop him from thinking about it for the rest of the night and even haunting his thoughts.


	8. Nug-Shit Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final showdown between Meredith and Hawke

It was the scream that caused everyone to come to a standstill. Hawke had driven a blade clean through Meredith’s abdomen and yet she stood firm. Her frantic screaming caused everyone to turn, Hawke stood amongst the fighting. 

Varric had felt like he could only see Hawke through everything. He watched as the Knight Commander’s sword erupted in front of her. Hawke jerked backward, arms covering her face as each crystal and shard struck into Meredith. 

He turned his gaze just before Hawke had kept her eyes on Meredith. He knew she was staring her down, making sure that this was the last string to be cut. That this was her final battle to be won. It wasn’t until the Knight Commander’s face had gone slack and her eyes glowed with red lyrium that Hawke let out a small gasp and her daggers clattered onto the stone floor. 

He was at her side in an instant as the Templars slowly drew themselves. Silence filled the Gallows with an unnerving speed as one brave Templar rushed to the statute that was now Meredith. The sound of Hawke’s blood dripping onto the ground caused a chill to run down his spine. Hawke’s eyes were focused on Cullen, her body was already poised, as if at a moments notice she’d pick those daggers back up and tear through the next bastard that dared. 

Hawke picked up her blades and Cullen took a step back, giving them enough space and time to flee. She didn’t hesitate, in mere seconds she was already out of the gates with her entire group following behind. Varric was unsure of the future now, Anders was right beside her, his hands already glowing and misting. She waved a hand to him before she climbed down the docks. 

From then on, it was as if everyone scattered as soon as the wind hit them. There were empty promises to try and keep in touch but they came with more sadness then reassurance. When it seemed like everyone had left Hawke turned and found Varric standing with her at the dock.   
Her surprise nearly caught him off guard. Had she expected him to flee just as the others? The thought of leaving her behind, after everything, was impossible. Leaving her mostly was impossible. Hawke gave a smile to Varric. 

“Looks like the champion came to the rescue…at the wrong time.” 

“We’ve never been ones to be on time…that’s for boring people.” 

“Let’s go…before the Templars make up their minds about killing us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear smut is coming (haaaaa.) it'll happen soon


	9. Who Even Writes This Shit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Varric finally give their goodbyes--and Hawke gives Varric a tempting offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those parallels though

Hawke had stood close to Varric by the docks. Kirkwall was just a few steps away but for some reason, it didn’t feel like home anymore. It was something that no longer welcomed her. Kirkwall held nothing but drunken nights and bad memories that did nothing but make her wounds sting. Varric stayed with her for a few months after the events with Meredith but she knew that his heart was back home…or maybe with someone else. 

She had hardened since the final battle. She was barely the charismatic and cunning blade-wielder that stumbled into Kirkwall all those years ago. Her hair was swept up to one side and her moss-green eyes that used to dance with excitement were hardened into emeralds. 

“You know I hate sorrowful goodbyes,” Varric said cutting through their silence.

Her heart panged painfully, how was she possibly going to survive without hearing from him? Talking and making her talk was one of the things he did best. She braved the cold wind that hit both of them, her short hair flew up over the place while Varric’s tendrils swept along with the wind as well. 

She sucked the cold air in and let out a sigh while looking out into the Waking Sea. She didn’t exactly know where she was going to go from here but she had some clues on exact places and spots to start first. 

“From my lack of words, I think you know I feel the same. Varric, I don’t want to leave you here…after everything happened-“ 

Varric waved his hand, as if he was dismissing all of her worries and concerns. If it was only that easy, she thought. Hawke watched him give her one of his most charismatic smiles but she knew better, she knew him better. He wasn’t ready to let her go. 

“Chuckles, I hope you don’t exactly think that this is a permanent goodbye, do you? Come on, you know that I’ll be hounding you as soon as you touch ground somewhere. I’ll have eyes out for you.” 

“But not your eyes,” she cut in quickly. His shoulders slumped in the slightest. She should be saying something, she should be telling him that all of the years they’ve spent together meant something to her. That he meant so much more to her than he could ever imagine. 

“Don’t start getting all sappy on me now, Chuckles. You make yourself look human when you cry.” 

Against her own will, she let out a laugh and Varric smiled like he’d just won a game of Wicked Grace. Damn him, she wanted to be broody and melancholy. She briefly wondered how Fenris pulled it off so well. The captain rang his bell, giving the two rogues a stern look before turning his attention back to his crew. 

Hawke let out a shaky breath, her anxiety kicked up another notch seeing that time was actually dwindling down now. She had horrible sense of timing and was always late to everything but this was the one thing she couldn’t be late for, as much as it killed her. 

“You know you can always disappear with me?” She said quickly causing Varric’s head to twist toward her. She’d never been more scared in her life. 

Getting chased by demons, mages and crazed Templars were nothing compared to this fear. She prayed to Andraste that her fear of pissing herself wouldn’t come true right this instant. It was now or possibly something to awkwardly deal with later. 

She hoped that strong and plentiful amounts of rum and brandy would be in order when this topic would come up. That she’d one day actually have to explain to Varric how she truly felt. 

“I know it’s not the easiest of decisions but I just…we could find our story ending together while we fight monsters along the way. You and I...we’ve always been there for each other and there’s no one that I’d rather have beside me.” Hawke stammered like she usually did when she was nervous and by the Maker was she so completely wrecked with nervousness. Varric was her best-friend but this was something that she needed get off her chest as vague as it was.

The captain rang the bell and Hawke’s eyes shot toward the captain. She narrowed her eyes summoning the most terrifying look she could conjure before he hid behind the mast. Varric reached out and caught her hand making Hawke’s heart jump into her throat. 

“Our story—as much as I hate to admit it---isn’t as finished as we thought. Shit will always blow up and try to tear us apart but for right now—for my own sake, I need you to go. Ancestors, know how badly I want to go with you but we’ve got too much stuff to clean up. You’ve got Seekers after you and this is something that only my wit and charisma can fix.” 

Hawke’s heart twinged painfully in her chest. Not the answer she was expecting but it was the start of something. She conjured up one of her best smiles which he could see right through almost immediately. Varric sighed, his hand still warm in hers. 

“If this was any other time if we weren’t who we were-“ 

Hawke touched his face, her fingers warming against his face. He leaned into her touch his own hand touching hers tenderly. It was the closest thing they could do at this point, it was the only thing she could do right now without her heart breaking open in front of him. 

“If we weren’t who we were, we would be very dull and unexciting. It’s for the best for right now.” 

For right now, she thought to herself. She didn’t realize how truthful those words were. Then, she felt that this was a better time than ever to leave things here. It wouldn’t be resolved but the idea of having something to deal with when they’d meet up again sounded promising. 

Hawke managed to tear herself away from him. While the ship left the dock, she watched Varric’s smile until he was just a dot in the sky. 

She hoped that wherever this damnable sea took her that it would ease the pain in her chest.   
It wasn’t hope that told her that she’d see Varric again, it was instinct and pure knowledge that things weren’t done yet. That their story wasn’t done yet. 

If only he knew, she thought to herself. If only he knew that she’d be so perfectly content with the world caving in as long as she was with him. Because nothing mattered when she was with him. But that was for another time and for another discussion. She had other matters to attend to. 

She turned her head toward the ocean in front of her. It could have been the cold air that hardened her or it could have been the far off idea of her life that she dreamed of Varric. The life she’d have to fight tooth and nail for, it was that thought that hardened the champion.


	10. Correspondents Between Two Assholes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Hawke's letters to each other from their time apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hawke took her mother's last name Amell while sending letters to Varric to avoid any suspicion from Lelianna's spies.  
> Hawke = A

Varric, 

I’m fine.   
Stop being a mother. 

-A

Chuckles,

That isn’t a good enough answer.   
You know I’ll mother-hen you as long as I’d like.  
I’ll just hunt you down myself. 

-V.T. 

Varric, 

The world is going to shit and you expect me to give you a jolly answer to it?   
I’m somewhat alive and I’m hiding out in the wilderness.   
Is that Seeker still looking for me?

-A 

Chuckles, 

The world has a habit of always going to shit, this time is no different than any other time.   
I’m somewhat happy to know you’re somewhat alive.   
She’s still looking and still hounding my ass.   
I think she might have a crush. 

-V.T.

Varric, 

I’m not fond of you off gallivanting while demons fall out of the Fade, it worries me.   
Quit being a little shit.   
Someone ought to since I cannot be there.   
How sweet and oddly terrifying. 

-A

Chuckles, 

Worried for your old man? I thought you don’t show affection?   
That may be the nicest thing you’ve said to me, I’m flattered.   
Trust me, I have plenty of people hounding me but none compare to your level of annoyance. 

-V.T. 

Varric, 

Only worried that you’re ancient ass will pop a disc. I am gagging at the thought of being affectionate.   
You’re always flattered at insults, what would happen if you got an actual compliment?   
I am the only person that can drive you mad? Now I’M flattered. 

-A

Chuckles, 

I’m just as spry as you. You do show affection, not much, but you do.   
The world will actually end the day I receive an actual compliment.   
Only you, beautiful. 

-V.T. 

Chuckles, 

Do you forget I have my own spies at my own disposal? Don’t go doing heroic shit without me.   
Also, the Herald of Andraste might be able to seal the rift, we shall see.  
Whatever brought Red Lyrum into the temple is connected to the explosion at the Conclave.   
Write back or I will send a hunting party. 

-V.T.

Varric, 

I can easily hide from your spies, I’ve been hiding from the Seekers just as long.   
This Herald is really fixing this bullshit? Poor sod.   
I’m not getting a lot of sources but I’ve made a contact with one of our old friends.   
Something is going on.   
I’ll keep you updated. 

-A

VARRIC, 

I SWEAR ON THE MAKER’S BALLS THAT IF YOU’RE DEAD, I WILL TURN TO BLOOD MAGIC AND NECROMANCY TO KILL YOU AGAIN.   
YOU BETTER NOT BE IN THAT BODY COUNT AT HAVEN. 

-A 

Chuckles,

Do you have that little confidence in me? I’m too pretty to die.   
Shit really blew up at Haven, however.   
I hope you’ve got some good news on your end. 

-V.T. 

V, 

Looks like I can stop interrogating the blood mage and necromancer that I’ve captured while awaiting for this reply.   
I truly believe that The Maker or the Ancestors have blessed you and it almost disgusts me.   
I don’t have much good news but I’ve got something.   
What’s your news?

-A 

Chuckles, 

If the Maker blessed me I would be filthy rich and living on an island away from this bullshit.   
Looks like one of our old friends has come back into town.   
Corypheus has risen and the stick up his ass is longer than ever. 

-V.T.

V,

CORYPHEUS? 

He was dead, we killed him. I stabbed him...quite a lot of times.   
He should be dead, he had all the marks and bolts to kill any human.  
Unless, he’s not actually human…shit.   
The Inquisitor is going to need the information I’ve gathered.   
See you soon. 

-A

Chuckles, 

Can’t wait. 

-V.T.


	11. Leather and Ale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke's finally come to Skyhold, bringing useful information with her. She also get's to have her reunion with her old friend.

Hawke was chewing on her nails while she waited inside a weapons room. She had sneakily entered the way that Varric had described to her in the letter. No one had noticed (or cared) that a heavily armored rogue snuck along the battlements and into the nearest barrack. 

She had only been in there for a few minutes while her mind was racing with thoughts. How long had it been since she’d seen Varric? What had he been doing from their time apart? Were they still doing a balancing act of whether or not they were friends? 

Thoughts that had haunted for the last few months were driving her crazy. She wished that she’d gotten to see him on better circumstance. She didn’t like the news she had regarding the corruption that was happening within the Grey Wardens. 

She wished that she had just met up with him at some random tavern where no one knew who they were and they’d catch up there. Instead, she was meeting up with him inside a dank, cold room where wind howled against the walls. 

She didn’t want to admit that she was excited to see the Inquisitor, the stories she’d heard from her travels had definitely peaked her interest. She had hoped to see the iron fist that was had risen the Inquisition from the ashes. Instead, all she could see from sprinting from the battlements was damned Orlesians pouring in and out of the main tower. 

Varric gave little details on her but just said that she was almost the scariest woman he’d ever met—next to her of course. Which the thought of Varric brought her anxiety back in another wave. How was she going to approach him? 

She’d left things between them…unfinished. She can say that she hated her past herself for leaving things how they were but she knew that it was better to have things left unanswered and then to have something to fight for later on. 

Had Varric missed her as much as she missed him? Did he take up a bed with another woman in her absence? The thought made Hawke’s stomach churn. She hadn’t had the best luck (or time) to give anyone any attention. That was from the fact that Varric had most of it. She knew that he was always going to have most of her attention. 

The door creaked open causing Hawke to throw her hand down from her mouth. Instinctively, she reached for her twin blades. Instead, a familiar head poked into the room and she was suddenly staring into a set of brown eyes. 

“Are you going to greet me by shoving a dagger into me?” 

Hawke released her grip on her blades and instantly lunged into Varric’s arms. She had to bend over to hug him but it was well worth it. His arms had wrapped around her waist. She inhaled his welcoming scent of ale and leather and it made her heart ache painfully while she thought of the Hanged Man. 

She breathed him in for another moment before breaking away from him. She gave him a smile, seeing that he hadn’t changed the slightest in the last few months. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear and straightened herself out. 

“Your hair got long,” he said, his eyes roaming all over her face. She didn’t have much time to stop and trim her hair back into its short cut that she usually had. It had grown too long for her liking but it she wasn’t busy with traveling around the ass end of Thedas, she would finally sit still to cut it. 

“Well, when you’re a hero you can’t catch a break.” She gave a smile to which Varric returned all too happily. Hawke wanted to reach out and just hold his hand but she knew that things were still rocky between them from their last meeting. 

“How come you haven’t aged a day and I look like I’ve aged twenty years?” Hawke asked seeing how Varric barely had anything different about him. She did noticed how his tunics seemed to plunge deeper and deeper over time. Varric gave her a smirk. 

“When you’re as good looking as I am, time never catches up with you.” 

Hawke rolled her eyes before placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve really missed you,” she said, giving a warm smile. Varric could see the light dancing in her eyes, it reminded of the times where she hadn’t been hardened—where things were simpler between them. 

His heart—even after their time apart—still thumped against his chest. Varric bravely caught her hand and looked up at her. “I’ve really missed you too, Hawke.” 

Silence befell between them and Varric found himself holding onto Hawke’s hand longer than what should be comfortable. He cleared his throat and craned his head toward the door on her left. 

“It’s probably about time when I introduce you to our Inquisitor. Give me a minute while I warm her up.” 

And then he was out in a flash, leaving Hawke to herself. Her hand was tingling while she could hear him talking about her. She looked at her hand, the tingles still thrumming through her, her stomach flipped gleefully. She waited for a few more seconds before she opened the door. She walked down the steps seeing Varric grinning at her while a olive skinned with dark hair, twisted to look in his direction. 

“Inquisitor, meet Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall.” 

“Though, I don’t use that title much anymore.” Hawke quipped giving a look at Varric, who was most definitely smirking while taking a drink of his ale. 

The two women immediately sized each other up, giving weary glances before Inquisitor Trevelyan dipped her head in respect. Hawke held out a hand to which the Inquisitor took willingly, her eyes flashed to the brand mark on her left wrist. She instantly recognized the insignia belonging to a Ferelden assassin’s guild. 

“Don’t worry, it was branded into my wrist years ago. I’m not part of it anymore.” 

Hawke’s eyes flashed up toward the Inquisitor. It reminded her the days where she was in a mercenary group, doing odds jobs throughout Ferelden to send payments for her family back in Lothering. She wasn’t known enough to get sworn in but she lived for the days marching through the lands and getting her hands dirty while having the thrill of freedom. 

“Damn, and here I was hoping you and I could bond over kill counts.” Hawke sighed sadly. 

“Most people twist their noses when they find out that their beloved Inquisitor’s hands are bloody.” 

“Ah, I’m sure everyone’s killed something…or someone in their lifetime.” Hawke joked. 

They smiled at each other, Hawke sensed Varric’s gawking and turned her head toward him. He had a shit-eating grin on his face—that she expected. Some part of her told her he’d been expecting this to happen. She had more than one reason to admire the Inquisitor now. 

“Varric has said much about you, I must thank you for cleaning up this world and also keeping him alive.” 

The Inquisitor’s face broke out with a smirk while she leaned against the battlements. Hawke leaned with her staring out into the courtyard. The view reminded her of her home in Kirkwall, in the courtyard where everyone would chat happily, unaware of the dangers that were to come later on. 

“I have to keep him alive, he’s the only one with interesting stories. I usually do kill counts with Varric and another one of my companions. However, that is a discussion for later. Varric tells me you have information on Corypheus?” 

“Yes, any questions you have I shall answer the best to my capabilities and I’ll report to your spymaster to update her as well. I know I haven’t been the easiest to track down.” 

“I’ve heard. I’m sure one of our friends here isn’t going to be too happy to hear of your appearance.” 

The Inquisitor said throwing Varric a hardened gaze but then smirked at him while he took another deep sip of his drink. She’d admired that Varric had kept her location a secret and that he was still able to keep contact with her. 

“Yes, well that’s Varric. He’s always been such a dear.” She turned and grinned at the dwarf. He rolled his eyes and turned his attention back toward where soldiers were sparring in the courtyard. She wondered how much time she’d have with him before they were sent back out into the fray. How long was she going keep throwing herself into danger—not that she minded it. However, some part of her wanted a reason to stop running and for once to stand still. 

“So, update me on everything you have before someone realizes you’re here and drags you away from me.” Inquisitor Trevelyan inquired before leaning back up and crossing her arms.

She looked stern but Hawke instantly was reminded of Aveline. Her heart ached at knowing Bethany was far off and away from the corruption but she still wasn’t keen on the idea of sending them off to fight off whatever lurked in their way. 

Which brought her back to the reality of things. She informed her of nearly everything she knew, especially her contact that was within the Grey-Wardens. Trevelyan had been thorough on her questions and made sure there were no blank spaces that needed to be filled. She had quickly interrogated Hawke. 

After a while a runner had come up giving a message that Commander Cullen requested her assistance. They spoke about meeting at Crestwood before she made a hasty escape. Hawke gave a look at Varric who shrugged before taking his place beside her. She rubbed her temples and sighed looking at Skyhold. 

“You look like you could use a nice drink,” Varric said gently bumping her with his hip. A small smile broke across her face as her arm snaked onto his shoulder. 

“Varric, you know that any idea of getting shit-faced sounds wonderful.” 

“Glad to know you still have your good sense of humor.” 

“Whereas you lack a good taste of brandy.” 

“I take offense to that.” 

“I’m offended that you enjoy such atrocious tastes.” 

He nudged her in the ribs before a runner had come looking for her, she was separated from her friend and lead along toward Skyhold where she was to meet their ambassador and the spymaster where she was to be given her room and give all of her information possible. She gave a look back to Varric who only smiled faintly before going back to the courtyard. 

It would seem that their reunion would have to wait. 

She despised waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is alwayyyys welcomed and appreciated heavily!


	12. Threads Above A Hawke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is starting to collapse around Hawke's feet and she faces the possibility of losing Varric and her sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These will be spot on with lines based on my Hawke and my Inquisitor. I want to be able to include my Hawke's commentary and thought processes with these chapters

Hawke had been standing out in the bloody rain for nearly an hour before the Inquisitor had shown up at the entrance of where her contact had been staying. She was nearly covered in what looked like demon blood and some undead parts. She was accompanied by a large Qunari (who she had been introduced to but was still weary of him) and a Tevinter mage (who she was also weary of) and of course Varric. 

“It’s about time, I’m sure that my bones have been thoroughly chilled at this point.” Hawke murmured causing the Inquisitor to shrug. 

“We found a rift and of course those damn things love falling out of them at the most inconvenient of times.” 

“Right, so let’s get out of the bloody rain before you’ll get a soaked and grumpy Hawke to listen to for the duration of our journey.” Varric said giving her a wink before the pressed into the alcove. 

She’d spent less than twelve hours at Skyhold before she was immediately sent to Crestwood. She’d known that the Grey-Wardens were getting more desperate in their search for Stroud. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t happy to see the Warden. He was the only person that continued to remain alive through everything in Kirkwall. He was a tough bastard when it came to death and he was exceptionally good at hiding his tracks. 

Hawke watched as the Inquisitor opened the door to the smuggler’s den. It was dimly lit with the sound of dripping water, not a sound was made throughout the entire area. 

Hawke’s hair stood on end and before she knew it, she and the Inquisitor unsheathed their daggers toward a figure that appeared behind them. The familiar sound of a clang of metal thrummed through her ears as Stroud held a sword at the Inquisitor.

Hawke instantly recognized Stroud where as the Inquisitor didn’t even flinch at the blade pointed toward her chest. “It’s just us. I brought the Inquisitor.” Hawke said walking up to Stroud now, attempting to put some space between the two.   
Stroud’s eyes narrowed while Inquisitor Trevelyan raised an eyebrow of greeting. Slowly, he relaxed and set his blade back into the sheath. 

“My name is Stroud and I am at your service, Inquisitor.” 

It was silent for a few moments before they began talking. When Trevelyan asked about the trouble within the Grey-Wardens and if that had anything to do with Corypheus. Stroud’s face faltered slightly. 

“I fear it is so. When my friend Hawke slew Corypheus, Weisshaupt was happy to put the matter to rest. But an archdemon can survive wounds that seem fatal, and I feared Corpheus might possess the same power. My investigation uncovered clues but no proof. Then, not long after, every Warden in Orlais began to hear The Calling.” 

Hawke’s face paled and her blood went cold. She immediately thought to Bethany. Had her sister neglected to tell her that she was hearing this calling? 

“I recall that being a bad thing but I don’t recall you telling me all about this.” She hissed through gritted teeth. 

“It was a Grey-Warden matter, I was bound to an oath of secrecy.”

She bit her lip from cursing the Maker for the knee-deep shit that she was getting thrown into. Stroud explained that the Calling was a message telling them that the Blight would soon claim them and that they would travel to the Deep Roads to fight until they fell in combat.   
Her blood began to boil then. Her own sister was hearing the Calling? Bethany was stuck somewhere with Aveline and was going crazy at the thought that she was to die soon? 

“And every Grey-Warden in Orlais is hearing that right now? They think they’re dying?” She asked, her voice teetering on the edge of breaking. She heard Stroud mention that if there were no Wardens, there would be no warriors to fight again when the next Blight happens. 

“And then they do something desperate…which is, of course, what Corypheus wants.” 

Fear ran through her blood like a poison. Her sister, her sister was the last family she had left. The idea of having to fight against her, was impossible. She’d rather have Bethany kill her than to be the person to have her blood on her hands. Suddenly, she felt a warm grip and looked to see Varric gently holding her hand.   
It calmed the anger and fear coursing through her, he knew that wasn’t good and that he was still showing his support by reaching out. 

The duration of the meeting had gone through a blur. She found herself agreeing to meet in the Western Approach where Grey Wardens were hiding out. It was another place for her drag her feet, she became more aware of the exhaustion more and more every day. She didn’t know how long she’d keep this on, to keep going and act like the hero she was supposed to be. 

They had found and set up a camp nearby, the rain had stopped for the moment so they all took the opportunity to sit around and eat whatever the Inquisition soldiers had managed to make. It was a thick soup that was more than filling. 

Varric remained close to her, giving her a comforting touch every now and then. She knew he wanted nothing more than to talk her down but her fear ran so deep that only she could pull herself out. It’d been like this for months. She felt like she was so far down the rabbit hole that seeing the light wasn’t a possibility anymore. 

“You need some rest,” Varric mumbled to her. The idea of sleeping sounded wonderful but her mind was far too awake with news to do anything about it. She’d stay up most of the night before actually falling asleep. 

“Are you asking to take me to bed?” She whispered watching Varric give her a skeptical look. 

“I’m asking you to get some sleep. I know that you’re worried about Bethany…I’m even worried about Bethany. But you need to rest to have a clear mind when we see what we’re dealing with in the Western Approach.” 

“You’re too worried about me, why don’t you let me worry about you?” 

“Because I’m a grown man and I’m watching out for you, I always will be.” 

They stared at each other for a moment longer. Hawke could feel the tingling again but this time it was the look he was giving her. It was the look that nearly had a shiver run down her spine. She was torn away from his gaze when the large Qunari, Iron Bull, stood up driving his large blade into the ground. Soup spilling everywhere while the Tevinter mage cringed away from any of the contents falling onto him. 

“Ha! That leaves me three kills ahead of you.” 

Hawke watched as the Inquisitor drove her blades into dirt as well and matched his stance. Her lips were twisted into a smirk, a challenge. 

“Bullshit! That pride demon doesn’t count as three!” 

Dorian sat calmly and drank his ale, giving the two an eye roll while looking at Varric for support. Hawke watched Varric lift his cup and tilt it toward the mage. Iron Bull and the Inquisitor continued to argue whether or not demons were actually part of their kill count for the next half hour until Hawke suggested a game of Wicked Grace to calm her nerves. 

She’d won the first round and found out that the Inquisitor was a shit player but Iron Bull and Varric were good. They could never tell her face if she was bluffing or not, that’s what she was good at. She had mastered at keeping appearances, keeping the look of a perfect hero.   
However, on the inside she was just hanging on by a thread.


	13. Wetter Than Crestwood's Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke throws caution to the wind--at least once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's banging time

Hawke was standing outside from the tents, everyone should have been asleep by now. The Inquisitor had been kind enough to let Hawke share a tent with Varric, like that wasn’t going to be awkward for her. The rain had only let up in the slightest but she stood halfway out of the rain, staring out into the field nearby. 

Hawke’s argument with herself had gone on for hours. It kept her up while continuing to drive her mad. She had created so many fights on why approaching Varric with her feelings was a bad idea. But the cons came with pros. She’d been so tired of pushing her feelings away, she was afraid of losing him and afraid that he would simply reject her. 

She’d fought various creators and yet the one thing that scared her most was losing her best-friend. She quickly realized that this fear wasn’t unwarranted. Varric was nearly the only thing she had left. Everyone scattered into the winds after Kirkwall and she wasn’t in a position to blame them. However, she missed her friends and sometimes it ached to imagine that she might never see them again. 

She could see Varric’s tent was faintly lit. He’d always fallen asleep easily by candlelight, she faintly remembered the nights where she’d be too tipsy to walk all the way back to Hightown so she’d just slip into Varric’s bed. She’d rarely find him asleep in his bed. He was usually found him asleep at his desk with papers scattered around him. 

She recalled no matter what time or hour it was, he had a candle lit. It was a silly little thing that he kept by his desk or bed but it remained there. Even when it was past the sleeping hours. He made sure to keep one lighted, something told her that he had a slight fear of the dark. But, no matter what the weather or the danger outside, there was always a candle lit. 

Maybe that’s what he was to her, he was the candle in her darkness. No matter how many threatened to put the flame out, no matter how much it wavered, it kept lit as a beacon. It was something for her to push through, something that lulled her to sleep every night, imaging a life with him. Hawke stopped biting her nails, a habit she’d fought since she was little, and made her way toward his tent. 

She swallowed any objections she had before pulling back the tent. Varric laid on the ground, scribbling away with his feather pen. He looked up at her, the nearby candle flickering ever so slightly from the gust of wind that traveled in. He gave her a warm smile, something that made her heart pound in her ears. 

Hawke removed her gauntlets, her chest piece and then lowered herself onto the ground In front of him. Varric’s eyes were unreadable while she draped her legs over his lap, her arms wrapping around his shoulder and neck. She could feel his hands hovering over her waist, hesitating to touch her or keeping the distance between them. Varric’s eyes shot up from her lips back toward her eyes. 

Hawke closed the space between them, her lips pressing against his. Varric reacted almost instantaneously, one arm wrapped around her waist while the other slid up her side and caught the side of her face, bringing her in closer to him. Hawke’s heart leapt into her throat while he tilted her head against his hand. She opened her mouth and his tongue wasted no time sliding past her lips and sliding across her tongue. 

He swallowed her gasp, his hand sliding toward the back of her neck. Her tongue met against his, he held back his surprise with a quick twist of his body, and he had Hawke pinned beneath him. How many countless nights had he spent thinking about having Hawke like this? How times did he find solace in his hand when he imagined having Hawke beneath him? 

His hips dipped slightly, grinding his groin against her. Hawke moaned in his mouth, Varric had to use everything in him to not roll his eyes in pleasure hearing her make that noise for HIM. Hawke’s hands had traveled down and between them, cold fingers already working their way up his tunic. His tongue swirled with hers. A wave of familiarity washed over him, he could faintly recall the feel of Hawke’s mouth on his, only that time it tasted faintly of brandy…

He was drawn out of his thoughts when Hawke dragged a leg over his, pressing herself more firmly against his groin. He gave a low growl, before pulling her up. His hands were quick to do away with the buttons of her tunic, his lips finally dragging themselves away from hers. His licked and teethed his way down her jaw and neck. Barely any time had passed before he found himself popping the last buckle to Hawke’s tunic. 

His hands slid up her bare waist as Hawke tossed the abandoned clothing away from them. Varric kissed and nipped her collarbones, his hands on either sides of her breasts. He was aching in his leathers, he wanted to figure out what exactly she’d taste like once he had her in his mouth. He wondered what kind of noises she’d make once he found a sweet spot of hers. 

Her fingers ran along his shoulders before she gently tugged the band from his hair, letting it fall around his shoulders and face. Her body arched into him and Varric lost all his sense of control while his hand pulled down the band that held her breasts together. He greedily took one of her breasts in her mouth as his hand gently grasped the other, her nipple twisting gently against his index and thumb. 

Hawke gasped beneath him, her chest heaving against his. He was still clothed, far too interested to do anything about it when he had Hawke writhing beneath him. His tongue swirled over the hardened nub, his eyes flickering up to look at her. Hawke was biting down on her lower lip, her cheeks were flushed and her green eyes were nearly invisible with her pupils taking up most of the space. 

Hawke’s hand snuck out and gently rubbed at the bulge he had pressed between her legs. He groaned against the sweet aching sensation he felt as she gently palmed him through his pants. Part of him wanted to take his time, finding every spot on Hawke, he wanted to mark her with his tongue and teeth. He wanted to make sure that she’d remember this night for a while. 

The other part of him, however, had taken over. It was animalistic and possessive of him to think like this but he wanted to bury himself inside her, make her ache for him like he did for her. That part of him was winning while she palmed him. He sat back on his knees, unbuckling Hawke’s belt and buttons for her leathers. 

“I’ve wanted you for so long, Varric,” Hawke whispered, pressing her chest against his as she wiggled her ass and legs out of the insufferable leathers. He tossed the damned things toward the other bedroll. He groaned hearing her voice fill his ears, she’d make one hell of a desire demon. If this was one, Ancestors protect him because he wasn’t ever going to pull away from her. 

His hand went to the band that blocked the one path he wanted most. The band was soaked between her legs, he let out a groan having Hawke moan into his neck. If this was a dream, he hoped that it would never end. That this was something he’d been needing for so long, that he hoped she needed. 

Hawke gently pushed against his chest, Varric obeyed as Hawke removed his tunic, her hands already tangling in his chest hair. One hand slid down and massaged his bulge, he groaned through gritted teeth and her stomach did a flip. He caught her hand making her look up at him. 

“If you keep doing that tonight’s festivities will end very quickly.” 

Hawke smirked before removing the belt from his pants and helping him slide out of his own pants. His cock was straining against his smallclothes. Varric kicked the pants aside, pressing Hawke back into his bedroll. Hawke only lifted her hips in the slightest before grinding her center against him. She moaned as pleasure ran up her back. 

Varric kissed Hawke all over, feverish kisses that extended from her neck to nearly every scar on her torso. Varric had stopped right above the band of her smallclothes, his eyes raised to hers, seeking permission. Hawke nodded, her eyes hooded and dark with lust. Varric smirked before pulling the underwear off her legs. 

He grasped one of her legs, his stomach pressing into the ground as he tossed the leg over his shoulder before running a finger between her slick folds. He heard Hawke’s breath catch in her throat, his finger was glossy with her desire. He made eye contact with her as he ran his tongue along his finger, tasting her in his mouth made his want for her deepen. 

He leaned forward, spreading her fold and sliding his tongue slowly along her entrance and the small bundle of nerves above it. Hawke’s head dropped back as she let out a moan, he was going to have her crying out for him and begging for him to take her soon enough. 

He lapped up her wetness, pressing his tongue flat against her. Hawke writhed against his tongue, her hips arching against him. Varric thanked the Ancestors for giving him what will be the best moment of his life. He wasn’t used to going down on a human woman since his tastes were…shorter. Throwing her leg over his shoulder was his nearest option but if he had it his way and had more time, he’d spend as long as he wanted down there. 

However, he didn’t know how much longer he’d last without finally entering her but he wasn’t going to waste time building her up for that part. Varric’s lips latched onto the bundle of nerves, he flattened his tongue against it as his middle finger slowly sunk into her. Hawke gasped loudly, throwing her head back in pleasure. 

She was tight against his finger, how was he going to be able to fit inside her? He thought. He kept his pace slow, watching her move against his finger. Her own fingers sunk into the ground while her back arched off the ground. He was quickly pushing her toward her limit and then she’d be all of his. He concentrated his ministrations, entering in another finger, he was half-heartedly trying to prepare for him but two fingers wasn’t going to do it much justice. 

He licked any of her juices, her walls were beginning to tighten around his fingers. He felt Hawke’s hand slide through his fingers, she arched her back pressing more firmly into the apex of her thighs. Her pants were getting heavier and quicker, by the feel of how hard her walls gripped his fingers, he knew she wouldn’t be long. 

“Varric, I can’t wait any longer…please,” Hawke begged, her voice teetering on the edge of being a moan. The last of his control snapped and he found himself obeying her command. He rose back up to her stomach and then kissed her hard on the mouth, Hawke could taste her own desire on her lips as Varric shimmied out of his undergarments. 

Hawke’s breath caught in her throat as his cock sprung free from its confines. His cock was the average length for a human but his thickness was nearly as wide as her wrist. She gulped back as he gave her a smirk. 

She gave a prayer to Andraste and then he leaned back on top of her. He stroked her face before leaning in and kissing her deeply. This kiss made her weak, this was the kind of kiss that soothed any last minute concerns, and this was the answer she’d been searching for. 

Without breaking the kiss, Varric leaned back on his knees, he wrapped her leg around his waist. He rubbed his cock along her slit, watching Hawke’s eyes roll back into her head. His body was alive in every way possible. He’d never thought he’d be here, with her and doing something he wanted for so long. He leaned down and left a kiss in the space between her breasts as he then slowly entered her. 

He slid in almost easily, she let out on peep before his thumb was at the bundle of nerves, stroking gently. He slowly slid in, spreading and stretching her and reaching in paces that made her arch her back. Hawke’s hand slid up his stomach and landed on his chest. 

Varric bottomed out and then slowly began to thrust back into her. She was tight, tighter than ever woman he’d bedded before but he assumed that this wasn’t have much time to bed anyone. The thought of her having another man bed her made him thrust a little harder. Hawke moaned loudly, she felt him hit a spot that caused a wave of goosebumps along her skin. 

She kept her hand on his chest, the feel of his heart against her hand calmed her. His thrusts were quick, he was racing for release as much as she. Hawke arched her hips to him, he hit a spot that made both of them groan. She could feel that knot from deep inside her belly, it was beginning to unwind. 

Varric wanted to memorize this moment forever. To see how she looked beneath him, to remember how her body felt against his, how it felt so right how being with her like this felt so damn right. He wasn’t going to be able to forget about this—not even if he wanted to—not when he’s been waiting for this—waiting for her. 

He was going to have a hard time looking at her the same way after this. Were they going to be the same after tonight? The questions filled his mind but he stopped once she walls tightened around him. Hawke’s breath caught in her throat as she leaned up, her lips attacking his neck. He tried to keep a steady pace but the angle she had him at was making his pace stutter. 

“Varric,” she moaned against his neck, he was losing himself in this. He wanted it to last so much longer but by Andraste, he’d wanted this for years and to have her like this was far more difficult than he imagined. He wasn’t used to human legs but feeling them hook around his torso felt so right. 

Her walls clamped down around him, Hawke’s back bowed off the ground and he caught her lips as a loud moan escaped from them. His climax struck him instantly and Hawke followed nearly seconds after. Her legs wrapped around him tightly as her walls milked him of everything he had. She shuddered beneath him, her breathing nearly as unsteady as his. 

He waited for a few moments before he slipped out of her and fell next to her. They both panted for a few moment before Hawke turned into his chest. She looked up into his eyes while she pushed a stray hair from his face. 

They grinned stupidly at one another before Hawke settled into Varric’s chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around her. If he could wake up tomorrow and relive this night over and over again, he knew he wouldn’t mind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be kind to my smut, it has feelings.  
> Feedback and comments are always welcomed!


	14. A Hero's Work Is Never Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition meets with Hawke and Stroud in the Western Approach and they find questions to their answers.

Hawke was long gone when he stirred awake that next morning. He wasn’t expecting her to stay with him, considering the conditions and the fact that they were in a tent. However, he wished she did stay. He’d always imagined what it would feel like waking up to her after a night of making love to her. 

Andraste’s ass, he’d had sex with her last night. He felt like it was a figment of his imagination that or some sort of connection to a desire demon. He knew it was still early by how dark it was still outside but he heard rustling from the next tent over. 

“Vishante kaffas, must you take up all of the room in the tent?” 

“You could always lay next to me, Dorian.” Bull’s voice cooed in. 

“Will you two stop flirting? There are people trying to sleep.” He heard the Inquisitor bark out, her voice was heavy with sleep. Varric gave a sigh, he knew that he was going to be awake for the rest of the day. He laid back, his mind was tangled with thoughts of Hawke. 

How could something like that actually be real? He’d been fantasizing it for so long and when she came in, her eyes staring him down while she undressed in front of him…it made his chest ache. How was he going to get the vision of her legs wrapped around his hips, how hers arched against his?   
A shiver ran down his spine. 

He wasn’t expecting that, not ever. He ran a hand through his hair before starting to dress for the day. When he finally surfaced from his tent, Dorian glowered while sitting on a log, poking the pot that sat on the fire. A soldier came up to him before slipping a note into his hand and nodding before turning back.  
Varric hastily ripped open the note, seeing Hawke’ scribbled handwriting covering most of the small letter. 

 

Not the best way to leave after last night but I’m called to other things. 

Maker’s right butt cheek, I hate being important. 

I hope I didn’t scare you off. 

See you in the Western Approach. 

-Hawke

It wasn’t a whole lot but it was definitely something. This letter became more special to him than he ever realized. 

~

The Western Approach was a dry and desolate land, Hawke could see why the Grey Wardens seemed to like the area so much. From the abandoned ruins to the Darkspawn that had crawled out of any open orifices, it had to hold some sort of an appeal to them. She’d been seeing Wardens coming through the ruin but none coming out for the last few hours. 

Her blood had run cold by the sixth mage that had screamed in the last two hours. Stroud had been kind to try to keep her mind off the ruin but her mind was already filled with enough thoughts to satisfy any sort of murderous tendencies. 

As much as she didn’t want to think about it, her mind was continuously playing her events with Varric. Even though it was over a week ago, it was still fresh in her mind. Goosebumps ran up her arms whenever she would remember the way he felt between her legs. 

Her face would darken as she recalled the noise he made when he slid his cock into her. The rumbling of his chest against hers while he groaned into her neck. She hated leaving him the next morning, how his arms were holding her close to his body. She would have never left his side if she wasn’t called away. 

She had to take care of things, this was her mess and she wasn’t going to abandon it just by spending the night with the man she loved. As much as it killed her to pull herself away from him, she had to. She was to clean this up…and then she was to figure out things between the two of them. 

When she saw the Inquistion party pulling up, she stood up straighter seeing Varric trudging behind them. She gritted her teeth to avoid giving him a warming smile. She leaned off the wall that they perched at while they walked up to them. Stroud fixed his posture, hands pressed against his back before he gave a small bow. 

“I’m glad you’ve made it, Inquisitor. I’m afraid they have already started the ritual.” Stroud said, his voice just barely teetering on nervousness. 

“Blood magic, I’d wager. You can smell it…or see the corpses.” Her voice was nearly dripping with sarcasm. Hawke’s eyes slid to Varric, he nodded his head quickly before she turned her attention back to the Inquisitor. 

“You take point. I’ll guard your back.” 

Varric was at Hawke’s side as they wandered through the ruin. Anxiety was beginning to run through Hawke’s veins. Hawke held her hands at her sides as they came forward. An unfamiliar man stood at his pedestal while Wardens—and their new demons stood together in neat formation. 

The man’s face twisted in surprise, Hawke’s nose twisted up at seeing the pile of dead Wardens in the corner of the ruin. Her stomach churned, she gathered that the screams weren’t from the willing Wardens that stood in front of her.

“Inquisitor. What an unexpected pleasure. Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, at your service.” 

The magister bowed in front of them. Hawke gave a disgusted groan, the magister’s glare turning on her. 

“You are no Warden!” Stroud growled, “But you are,” Erimond sighed, “The one Clarel let slip. And you found the Inquisitor and came to stop me. Shall we see how that goes?” He said sarcastically before

“It looks like you’ve already done some of my work for me,” Kali hissed, her fingers stretching out, preparing for a quick withdrawal of her blades. Even Hawke knew that this conversation wasn’t going to end peacefully. 

“What, him? We simply needed his blood.” 

Hawke’s stomach twisted in disgust. How could someone look so dismissively toward a human being? Realization struck her then, this man was obviously someone that wasn’t the caring type. It was Hawke’s hands now that were itching to grasp her daggers. 

“Oh, were you looking to garner some sympathy? Maybe make the Wardens feel a bit of remorse?” Erimond then turned toward his obedient Wardens, a sick smile twisting onto his face. 

“Wardens, hands up.” Hawke watched in horror as they obeyed his order, each hand raising up as his. Hawke’s blood began to boil, she wondered how long it would take for this magister to quickly die? 

“Wardens, hands down.” 

Everyone’s heads turned toward the party, eyes blank and unfeeling as their hands went back to their sides. Mindless servants to a madman. Here she had hoped that today’s quest was to be easy and she’d have time for lunch. Seeing this made her question if she was to have the honor or torturing this magister and then kill him before the Inquisitor got the chance. 

“Corypheus has enslaved them,” Stroud said, his voice horrified. She felt a sense of sorrow for the Warden. His own brethren stood around covered in their tainted blood with demons as pets. Even she knew that this was something Wardens would never want. 

“They did this themselves. You see, the Calling had the Wardens terrified. They looked EVERYWHERE for help.”

“Including Tevinter.” Stroud hissed, Hawke’s head reflexively looked toward Dorian. He held up his hands and shook his head before uttering, “well, I didn’t invite him.” 

“Yes. And since it was my master who put the Calling into their little heads, we in the Venatori were prepared.”

Oh yes, she was definitely thinking of cutting his tongue out first. 

“I went to Clarel full of sympathy, and together, we came up with a plan. Raise a demon army, march into the Deep Roads, and KILL the Old Gods before they wake.”   
Kali gave a short laugh, “Ah, I was wondering when the demon army would show up.” She said so sarcastically that even Varric gave a smirk. 

“You knew about it, did you? Well, then, here you are.” His confidence was faltering, even Hawke could sense his rising fear. He was outsmarted and he was soon to be outmatched. 

“Sadly for the Wardens, the binding ritual I taught their mages has a side effect. They’re now my master’s slaves.” 

Hawke gave a snort, even she could tell them that. It was obvious that these mages weren’t going to ‘snap out of it’ by just a snap of the fingers. 

“This was a test. Once the Wardens complete the ritual, the army will conquer Thedas.” 

The Inquisitor was smart to ask questions, she was convincing enough to have him leak all his information. Hawke would have done the same in their shoes since they both were silver-tongued and persuasive. But she had to hand it to her, the Inquisitor played him well. 

After Erimond had revealed all his plans, Kali smirked, threw her head back and laughed—an actual genuine laughed. Hawke shot a look to Varric who shook his head. Kali’s head twisted and her laughter died, she watched as her eyes hardened and set into a cold stare—one that could scare the piss out of anyone. 

“That’s all I needed to know.” 

Erimond’s face contorted with anger, “oh, please.” 

His hand struck out then, glowing red just as all the Warden’s eyes were. He smiled almost as terrifying as the Inquisitor’s hand was wrenched upwards. 

“The Elder One showed me how to deal with you, in the event you were foolish enough to interfere again.” 

The Inquisitor let out a groan as her knees hit the floor, her hand glowing with mark as her other hand pinned it to the stone. Varric grasped Hawke by her coat just as she made movements to go after Erimond. Stroud knelt beside her, his eyes shifting between concern and anguish. 

“That mark you bear? The anchor that lets you pass safety through the Veil? You stole that from my master. He’s been forced to seek other ways to access the Fade.” 

Hawke watched as she sat up, her whole hand shaking furiously. She gave a weak laugh before a completely terrifying smile stretched across her face. This was the assassin that had been left behind so long ago. 

“When I bring him your head, his gratitude will be-“ 

Kali’s hand jerked up toward the rift, Hawke jumped backward in surprise as the rift exploded in front of them, knocking the magister right off his pedestal. Her grin made the magister’s face pale as he stood himself up. Hawke was instantly at her side while every Warden stared back at Erimond. Hawke could see the fear nearly coming off of him in waves. He was definitely to die first. 

“Kill them!” He yelled before disappearing behind a pillar. Hawke launched out first just as the Grey-Wardens heeded their command, each individual warden with their newly found pet demons all becoming instantly hostile. 

Instinctively Hawke and the Inquisitor matched up their stances and launched themselves into the fray. Hawke kept her body low as she sliced through the first Grey Warden. She moved as the large Qunari sliced through another man and flung his body backwards. 

Hawke’s daggers clanged against a mages staff, the blade at the end of his staff just barely missing her right eye. Her arms shook while her eyes met his crazed red ones, she wanted to shake the damn mage, anything to get him to come out of the mind control. Instead, he pressed more weight into his staff. 

Hawke knew it was hopeless, she’d seen people under mind control and she knew that he was far too deep to save. Especially from all the damnable blood magic. Before she could kick her leg out and trip the mage from sending a fireball at her face a bolt struck him right in the throat. Blood splattered onto her chest plate and face. 

She didn’t have to turn around to know that Varric was watching out for her. Hawke stood back up and joined ranks with the Inquisitor. Both becoming a force of nature, Hawke had to admit that the retired assassin was just as lethal as she was before the explosion at the Conclave. 

Hawke lunged and jabbed her blades in the ribs of another mage, twisting them until his eyes and body went slack. She slid away, instantly reaching for a spare throwing knife when a mage came running at Varric. She balanced the tip between her fingers before hurling the weapon at the mage. The blade struck through his armor and sliced against his leg, hindering his movement. 

She moved away from the fray and leapt at the mage, her blade making contact with his throat before ripping it across the thin skin. She twisted her body away from the blood splatter and turned to where the Tevinter mage had successfully burned two mages into a crisp. 

It was the large Qunari’s blade that killed the last mage. His blade digging in deep before he quickly twisted and tossed the mage halfway across the ruin. Stroud was already at Hawke’s side handing her a potion. 

“So…that went well.” Hawke hissed, popping the top to the potion and throwing it back. 

“You were correct. Through their ritual, the mages are slaves to Corypheus.” 

“a-and the Warden warriors?” Hawke stuttered, she was already nervous for her own sister. Her sister that was going absolutely crazy thinking that she was going to die with the Wardens. Silence befell the group as Hawke’s realization had struck her. She bowed her head slowly before lifting it. 

“Oh, of course. It’s not REAL blood magic until someone gets sacrificed.” 

“Human sacrifice, demon summoning…who looks at this and thinks it’s a good idea?” Kali hissed, touching her bleeding lip. She gave an eye roll seeing the blood on her fingertip. 

“The fearful and the foolish.” Hawke said shaking her head, her body was still on edge, still ready to fight at a moment’s notice in case another crazed magister wanted to pick a fight. 

“The Wardens were wrong, Hawke, but they had their reasons.” Stroud protested, giving her a stern look.   
She wondered what he actually know? Did he understand her feelings? Did he understand her worry and concern that her own sister was going mad, thinking that she was to die? Her blood boiled to see that even after this display, he could still hold on tightly to his belief in the Wardens. 

“All blood mages do. Everyone has a story they tell themselves to justify bad decisions…and it never matters. In the end you are always alone with your actions.”   
Hawke could sense the heavy truth behind her words, whether they were to convince Stroud or they were words to soothe herself, she would never tell. Stroud shook his head at her before turning his body back to the Inquisitor that looked more than ready to leave the ruin. 

The stench of blood and burnt flesh was overwhelming. Her hands started to shake, remembering the smell from her battles with the Arishok invasion. It was still vivid in her mind, as if it was just yesterday that it happened. She gripped her hands into fists before crossing her arms. She wasn’t going to do that right now, she was not going to deal with that. 

“I believe I know where the Wardens are, Your Worship, Erimond fled to that direction,” Stroud said, ignoring Hawke’s words as he pointed outward. Kali turned her head to look at Stroud, Kali’s face was twisted into an angry look. 

“There’s an abandoned Warden fortress that way, Adamant.” 

“Good thinking,” she said sarcastically as she popped the top to an elfroot potion. She knocked the contents back before throwing the bottle away from them. 

“The Warden and I will scout out Adamant and confirm that the other Wardens are there. We’ll meet you back at Skyhold.” 

With that everyone then began to disperse. Stroud and Hawke shook their heads at each other; looking at the total damage of today’s failed intervention. She kicked the boot of a dead mage before searching for his tags, maybe it could give her some idea of family he might have had. 

She heard someone clear their throat before she looked up to see Varric standing there. Stroud had conveniently left the two to themselves. She stood up, she made motions to clean the blood off of her but found that hopeless since it had already stained her armor. 

“I know you’re worried about Bethany and Aveline. Which is why I wrote to some of my spies to keep an eye on them. I know this shit isn’t easy for you, Hawke. But remember that I’m here for you.” He said giving a winning smile. 

Hawke sighed in relief, her sister was at the forefront of her worries and any minute of her not getting updates made her more and more paranoid. 

“I just don’t deserve you, do I?” she asked, there was heavy truth behind her words. How could she deserve a man better than she? He was everything that she wished she could rise to be. It was infuriating how good he was. 

He waved his hand at her, “I think I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you,” he said coming up to her. Hawke’s heart raced, the way he looked at her made her weak in the knees. She despised him for it. 

“We’ll talk about what happened once this is over…but I do hope there will be more.” She whispered. Varric grinned, his hand catching her cheek. She leaned down in the slightest to kiss him—something to just keep her mind busy until she heard a strong male voice cut out from the distance. 

“For all this time Varric is wasting, I hope he’s getting it in.” Hawke recognized the voice to belong to Iron Bull. She sighed sadly as they moved apart from each other. Varric touched her hand tenderly as she left from the ruin, just in that moment alone, she had left her heart with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcomed :)


	15. Champion of Cheekiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Hawke finally have a moment to catch their breaths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me, I have sinned.

Hawke was exhausted after debriefing the war council. She had been tracking the Wardens for weeks ad Stroud wasn’t the most enjoyable of companions. Lelianna was thorough enough to interrogate her on nearly every inch of her exploration from following Erimond back at Adamant fortress. The journey was tiresome and she ached everywhere from keeping herself hidden from any possessed mages.

She didn’t even have time to see Varric before she was thrust into the room. The ambassador was kind enough to politely give her any refreshments and any accommodations she needed afterwards. Cullen still seemed weary of her, she expected it since their last meeting involved the death of his knight-captain. He kept his questions short and easy to answer whereas Lelianna held nothing back and prodded her brain like someone with a pointy stick and a corpse.

When she came out of the war room her mind felt like it had been taken apart. She looked up to see Varric standing against the wall. His eyes lit up as soon as he turned his head, how long would this feeling of her heart bursting last? She wondered. She approached him giving a smile.

“I tracked that Venatori mage back to the Adamant fortress. They’re looking at assault options in the war room.”

He sighed. She cursed under her breath, he could see right through her façade. What was she to say? That she was so tired of doing this? So tired of running and being the hero? That the stories of her heroism made her sick? That she wasn’t ready for the light in her dark life to be snuffed out so soon?

“Thanks for coming.” He said lowly grasping her hand, she looked up and nodded.

“You did well, Varric. The Inquisitor is…just who we need.” She smiled, her thumb tracing over his knuckles tenderly.

“Oh, it’s been great. Murderous Wardens, archdemon attacks, plenty of blood mages, and crazy Templars. Just like home.”

“I know how much you hated leaving Kirkwall.” She teased. He narrowed his eyes at her.

“This is the ass end of Thedas, you know they eat snails here? Still, I think…I need to finish this out.” He said.

Hawke couldn’t control her face twisting into disapproval at his decision. She wasn’t expecting him to go leave with her but…it would have been nice. She still had to finish this through as well. This was more of her fault than his. It angered her that he still continued to take the blame for the mess she created.

“If it weren’t for me and Bartrand, none of this would have happened. So much for changing our lives.”

Hawke smiled faintly, realizing that he was meaning his and her lives. If there was to be anything of it left after this. Her vision—as much as he hated to admit it—felt like it was years away from him. After his night with Hawke…there were things to change and plans to make but with everything happening he wasn’t going to be able to take a break.

Hawke sighed, “That’s what happens when you try to change things. Things change.” Hawke picked at her gauntlets. She adjusted the straps before looking back at him.

“You can’t always control now.” She said, her voice barely a whisper.

“But I can fix some of it while I still can.” Varric said giving her a look, the door squeaked open and Kali came down the hallway. Greeting Hawke with a grin.

“I tracked the Wardens to the Adamant fortress. Your specialists have my full report.” Hawke said curtly, Kali gave her a small nod before sliding through the double doors leaving Hawke and Varric alone once again.

“Well, this shit is boring, how does a drink sound?”

Hawke grinned.

~

The bard’s music flowed through the entire tavern as everyone was rejoicing over a recent win for the Inquisition in Orlais. Iron Bull was telling a story that captivated everyone close enough to hear his voice. Hawke and Varric sat in a corner sharing a bottle while listening intently to the story.

“Then, the doors burst open and Krem and Dalish are running in with three huge poisonous spiders nipping at their asses. While they lead these spiders out of the ballroom and into the courtyard where you hear this loud explosion-“ Iron Bull turns to a dwarf where he tilts his cup. “Rocky had blown these spiders into smithereens and also her prized garden. I turn to her, gently taking the payment just as her guards came running after us.”

Everyone around burst into howling laughter, nearly stuttering Maryden’s melody. Iron Bull took a swig of his drink before standing up and making his way over toward Dorian who sat the bar with the Inquisitor. Hawke was tempted to convince the dreaded woman into a drinking contest but like a flash of lightning, she had disappeared from the tavern.

Hawke tutted to herself before turning her attention back toward Varric that chatted amicably with a blonde elf. She turned to Varric who chatted amicably with a blonde elf. She had met her previously but that was before she was swept into the Grey-Warden business.

“Varric was right about the pretty part probably lady bits to match, yeah?”

Varric choked on his drink while Hawke gave a smirk and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. She leaned in close toward the blonde, “I guess that’s for someone to find out, hmm?” she tapped her lips and winked causing Sera to turn bright red. She giggled before disappearing and muttering something about her being a ‘champion of cheekiness’.

“She’ll never let me live that down, you know.” He chuckled placing his ale back onto the table. Hawke shrugged with a playful grin on her face.

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

The look Varric gave Hawke caused her to laugh, waving her hand at him. “I’ll need someone to fan the fire that I put under your ass.”

“I have the Seeker for that, shouldn’t you be helping put out the fire?”

“I could but that would involve some...” she leaned in, grasping the lapel of his duster bringing him close. “Privacy.” She whispered, her lips close to his. He grinned at her before standing up.

“I’m sure that can be arranged.”

~

Hawke walked along the ramparts as the wind howled against the stones. The noise was loud enough to dull any harsh thoughts that remained in her head since she had come back from spying on the Wardens. It settled her nerves, soothed any remaining anxiety. She felt at peace.

“You’re in your head more than usual.” Varric winked, Hawke rolled her eyes and sat on a rampart, feeling the cold wind hit her face. It had been the first time in a while since she had actually taken a break from everything.

It was the calm before the oncoming storm, she thought.

“I had been meaning to do that for a while, you know.” She said, looking up at him as he leaned against one of the ledges. She despised being gushy and showing such emotion but her mind was a whirlwind with words that she’d been aching to say for months.

“What? Flirt with an elf? You could have done that with Daisy.” Varric teased, she gave him a small smile. He was baiting her, pulling on the strings to see how long it would take before everything would spill. It didn’t have to take much, she was already on the verge of flooding.

“No, you tease. I had been meaning to tell you how—how I truly felt about you for a long time. Sure, I didn’t put it exactly into words in Crestwood but when you see an opportunity…” she trailed off. Her face twisted into confusion, how was she actually going to phrase this correctly? Varric was the wordy one between them, she was good at stabbing things and endangering herself.

“By that I mean, that I’ve always had feelings for you and not the ‘he’s my best-friend’ feelings…I mean you’re my best-friend but-“

Hawke was so concentrated on trying to phrase her words that she didn’t notice Varric had leaned off the wall across from her. He closed the space between them, stepping between her legs and catching her lips with his. She jerked back in surprise before she caught him by the arm and deepened the kiss.

Her stomach flapped and twisted while her heart panged in her ears. She was to lose herself into the kiss—into him for however long she needed it. She yearned for him for far too long, the world ending or no, she wasn’t going to let him slip out of her grasp.

Varric pulled away, his eyes flickering up from her lips to her eyes. Hawke felt the blush rush to her cheeks, it was nearly the same look he had given her the night they spent together in the tent. He stroked her face.

“No need to cook your brain, I understand. I’ve been waiting for you…for this to happen for a while too.”

Hawke was damned sure that Varric had finally turned her into a pile of mush at that instant. She realized that she couldn’t put how she felt into words. No words would suffice for the way she loved him.

She took a shaky laugh, her cheeks enflamed. “Here I thought that I was second best to your precious Bianca.”

Varric threw his head back and laughed, twining his fingers with hers. “Bianca is in the past…whatever she and I were before isn’t anything any longer.”

Hawke had spent countless hours—usually when she was in a self-hating mood to dwell on the fact that Varric had someone to warm his bed. It was something to keep her blood boiling whenever things got tough while she was traveling. But to hear it, to hear that it isn’t anything anymore—it was like a harmony had begun to chime inside her head.

“Besides, you definitely do things my crossbow can’t.”

“I dunno, it shoots explosive bolts and she is a lot more compliant than I.”

Varric chuckled, “yeah but I can’t get my crossbow to moan my name like I can with you.” He whispered, Hawke bit her lip—a sheepish grin. She slid her free hand up his chest, yanking him by the tunic forward.

“What now? Where do you want this to go?” She murmured, lips grazing his gently. She felt him sigh, her eyes closing slowly while his mouth ghosted across her chin and jawline.

“I want this to go on for as long as we have left. Once things get cleared up here, I’m dragging you back with me to Kirkwall where we could settle down…have a future together.”

A future, she thought. Her heart thrummed happily against her ribcage. She could finally stop running, running away from her fears of losing Varric, the fear of never finding a home and or just finally settling down. It called to her and she was more than willing to follow it.

“The Champion of Kirkwall moving in the man that wrote her story? Scandalous.” She teased before giving a small gasp once Varric’s teeth found purchase on a sweet spot on her neck. She felt him laugh against her chest.

“You know me, I always love to make a good scene.”

“As long as it doesn’t find its way into one of your novels; you can have as many as you want.”

He chuckled against her neck as a shiver ran down her spine. Andraste’s flaming knickers, she was going to take him on the battlements it he continued pulling on her strings like this.

“I’m scared,” she blurted out causing Varric’s head to look back up at her. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion while his head tilted the slightest. Her free hand came up, thumb tracing over his cheek, tingling from the day’s stubble on his face.

“This feels too good to be true…too unreal. My life is a constant downhill shit storm and to have you here with me like this...for you to calm the storm, I’m not used to it. I’m afraid of losing you.” She whispered, her voice barely shaking.

It had been on her mind for a long time. How long would she have until the rug was ripped out from under her? How long until the world she had desperately put back together would turn to dust at her finger tips? When would her dream of being with Varric seem like a distant and vague memory? When would this no longer be a reality and she would wake?She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him now.

Varric’s eyes softened and he gave her a lopsided smile. He could melt the hearts of every woman with the way he stared at her. He could even make a desire demon fall for him the way his mouth crooked upward when he had something witty to say.

“That’s the future, this is our now and I don’t know about you but I’m going to cherish every damn moment that I have with you…and then some.”

He wasn’t going to admit to her that he shared the exact same fear. A life without Hawke wasn’t much of a life at all. They grinned at each other, Hawke’s hand sliding from his lapels to his chest her head cocking upwards to meet his eyes.

“I do believe you’ve shown me nearly every part of Skyhold…except for your quarters.” She said cocking an eyebrow. Varric smirked at her before holding his hand out towards her.

“We’ll have to remedy that…immediately.”

~

They were a storm of kissing and tearing clothes off each other while they burst into his room. Varric’s mouth was on her neck while Hawke leaned down to jerk his duster off his shoulders. His hands roamed all over her body before stopping to pry off her leathers.

Hawke backed away from him, her eyes dilated with desire and hunger while she unbuckled her armor. It fell to the ground, clanging loudly before Hawke pried off her tunic and pants. Varric followed in pursuit, throwing his clothes and boots half way across the room before he swept her off her feet.

Hawke gasped as her feet were lifted off the floor and Varric carried her to his bed. He nearly tossed her onto it before he was on top of her. Hawke’s legs attached to his hips, welcoming his groin against hers. Her hands ran over his arms that were pinned on either side of her head while Varric kissed a trail down her neck and breasts.

“You talked about how badly you wanted me when you never knew how much I ached for you.” Varric growled, kissing each scar that marked her torso. She was to be cherished, to be worshipped with a body like this. He imagined her legs, as long and gangly as they were, to never leave residence that they took up on his hips. His breath on the top of her groin made her back arch slightly.

His arms left from Hawke’s sides where one hand grasped and tossed a leg over his shoulder. Now was the time that he’d take his time. Where he’d find each individual spot that made her squeal and the ones that made his groin ache in pleasure.

He was cut off from his devious plans when Hawke leaned up, he leg moving away from his shoulder while her hand snaked up to his chest pressing him up. Her mouth was instantly there at his neck while she leaned over and sat in his lap.

“Let me,” she purred in his ear before her lips touched one of his earrings and then the side of his jaw where she made her way down. He leaned back against the footboard watching Hawke’s head trail down his chest, fingers running through his chest hair. She kissed his chest, his stomach and stopped just above his cock where it strained painfully against his smallclothes.

She looked at him, predatory and lustful eyes burning into him and quite possibly his soul. If he was to pray, this was as a good time as any to have the Andraste protect him before Hawke was to make her way to his cock. Hawke palmed him gently through his smallclothes watching as Varric’s breath caught in his throat.

Her hands slid away from his cock and Varric bit back a moan from the absence. Hawke’s fingers caught the cloth and pulled them down slowly; Varric helping by wiggling himself out while his cock sprung free. Hawke’s eyes looked from his shaft to him. He took the opportunity to wink, watching the blush on her face redden. Hawke’s hand came up, fingers gently scaling his member. Hawke was perched between his legs, her tongue flicking out to slide across her lips. She kept eye contact while she bent her head towards him. Her hand wrapped around his cock gently causing Varric to groan. Her hand pumped him slowly just as her head sunk down to the head of him.

Her breath ghosted on his tip and shaft, continuously pumping before he felt her tongue press against his shaft. He watched as she flattened her tongue against the underside of his base whilst her hand gently massaged his balls. Varric groaned when her tongue came back up and ran her tongue in smaller circles around his tip before gently easing his length into her mouth.

Varric’s eyes closed in pleasure as he felt the heat and softness of her mouth. She stopped nearly halfway before her tongue flicked out and pressed firmly against him. He felt her tongue run along his shaft as her mouth went back up. He gripped the sheets, losing himself in the pleasure. Hawke’s tongue swirled around him while her hand still pumped him.

He threw his back and groaned loudly, he could feel his climax building. Andraste’s dimpled buttcheeks, did he wish this went on forever. He opened his eyes to look back at Hawke, deeply invested into her ministrations with him. He could feel his stomach tightening as she pushed him closer to his breaking point.

“Hawke,” he groaned out with a clenched jaw. Her eyes flicked up to his, her mouth still sucking on his cock. He was to lose his mind, if he had a way to go this would be it. Hawke would actually be his undoing. Her lips came off his cock with a pop before her tongue took place back on his head, her hand picking up the pace. She watched him as he came closer and closer, her tongue licking and sucking where he needed it.

Varric didn’t want to her to stop but he knew if she continued they would never get started. He leaned up, grasping her chin before brining her up to his mouth to kiss her deeply. He had to have her now, he was aching to be inside her. He began to gently push on her shoulders to push her onto the bed but stopped once he saw her shaking her head.

“I want to try something, bear with me on it.” She whispered before she sat in his lap, his cock rubbing against her wet center. They both groaned in anticipation before Hawke rubbed herself against his length. Varric’s mouth seized control of one of her breasts as his hand was already palming the other. He could feel her heat against him, he wanted to take control and make her beg for him but instead she surprised him.

Hawke’s hands came up to the sides of her face, her green eyes staring into his filled with love and devotion. His hands fell to her sides as she adjusted her hips before she sunk herself onto him. Her thumb traced over his bottom lip as she lifted her lips slowly before falling back into him.

Her chest was pressed against his where he could feel her heart hammering against his chest. His breathing became ragged as she continued her thrusts. So, this was her showing her exactly how he made her feel, he thought. Hawke placed her forehead against his shoulder, hands gripping onto his arms as she kept her pace steady.

This was her making love to him and Maker bless it all this was what he’d been needing all along. Her movements were slow, keeping his climax at bay but he wanted nothing more than to see her come undone again. He surged up the slightest meeting her thrusts halfway causing her hips to jerk and a moan to escape her lips. He met another thrust while she raised her head, arms wrapping around his shoulders and her back arching against his thrusts.

“Varric,” she moaned loudly meeting his thrust causing both to groan in ecstasy. He could feel his heart swelling just waiting for the moment to explode inside of him. He’d never felt this before, he’d never actually made love this deeply before. He had to make her feel the same way.

“Keep saying my name, Hawke.” He growled into her ear while their movements picked up. Maker, he wasn’t going to ever think of another woman—not that many caught his attention anyways. This time was so much more different than their first. The last had been fast and needy, both searching for their release.

But this was so much more…he got lost with her body. Every part of him was alive and bouncing with adrenaline as she continued. He could feel her breathing pick up, while her chest pressed firmly against him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly feeling his climax beginning to crash onto him.

“Say my name, Varric!” Hawke moaned. The moan was caught between desperation and need as her walls tightened around him.

“Flora, Flora, Flora,” he ground out and then that was it. Hawke finally snapped just as he did, their climaxes falling onto them as Hawke cried out his name. She shook in his arms as her walls kept him firmly inside her, milking him of his seed to the very last drop. Varric blinked a few times, fearing that he had actually lost his vision from a climax.

Both panted heavily from the strength of their orgasms. It took them both a few moments before coming to their senses. Hawke slowly slid off his lap after he slipped out of her; she fell to his side and continued to pant, staring up at the ceiling.

Varric cleaned himself off before pulling her back into his chest. His fingers twined with hers as he gave gentle kisses along her neck and shoulder.

“I love you,” she whispered, turning her head toward him. That was the moment Varric’s heart exploded, he gave her a grin as his hand caressed her jawline. He brought her lips up to his and kissed her with everything he had left—because part of him believed that Hawke nearly took most of his soul with her.

“I love you,” he whispered back after pulling away. Hawke returned the smile twisting her head back onto his arm and closing her eyes.

They had figured out they loved each other years ago but this moment they both knew that they couldn’t live without each other. Especially over the event that would follow their siege against Adamant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still sinning. Feedback is always welcomed! :D


	16. Demons and Shitty Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition finally takes the war to Adamant Fortress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcomed and MUCH appreciated!

Hawke tore through possessed Grey-Wardens like they were sheets of paper in her hurricane. She fought through each one that came within ten feet at her. Warriors were the easiest because what they gained in strength they lost in speed. She finished them before they had a chance to curse an Archdemon. She kept her footing steady as she fought on the battlements seeing that more soldiers were losing their footing on the walls.

She dodged an incoming attack before driving her blade and twisting it out of an over-confident warden. Blood splattered onto her face and armor just as more Inquisition scouts joined her flank. She went toward a large warrior who was throwing the soldiers everywhere. She controlled her breathing that begun to go unsteady, her ears were ringing with the sound of her heart pounding in her ears.

Adrenaline was simmering in her veins. She walked through the fighting, her eyes narrowed on the behemoth in front of her. She calculated in her head how many times it would take to bring him down and where exactly his blind spots were. Suddenly, she became hyperaware hearing a bow string groan.

She struck out grabbing a warden by the collar and yanked him on her left side, exposing his neck just as an arrow that was meant for her struck through his flesh. She gave a disgusted grunt before grasping her throwing knives, hurling it at the archer that hid behind a collapsed rampart. After it struck him in the face, she turned toward the warrior, cracking her neck and fingers before making her way to him.

A wounded scout laid on the ground holding their side while making an attempt to crawl away from the warrior. She let out a whimper seeing the warden raise his hammer above his head. She closed her eyes, giving her prayers to Andraste waiting for a killing blow.

There was a loud clang that caused the scout to open her eyes. Hawke stood over her, the shaft of the sword stuck between Hawke’s blades. Her arms shook from the weight that the Warden threw into his hit.

“We are not your enemies,” she panted through gritted teeth, her attempt was fruitless as he let out a battle cry in front of her. She sighed, planting her feet into the ground before heaving his hammer upwards. His blindside was his on his left, so she struck there with her shoulder. The armor clanged loudly as they both fell. Hawke regained her balance and strength first, she heaved her body up and brought her foot down on the warrior’s arm, feeling the bone snap under the pressure. She sat on his chest, subduing the warden long enough to throw her head to the scout.

“GO!” She screamed, the scout had mustered enough strength to run for the nearest healer. The Warden howled beneath her, Hawke turned her head over to where the battle ram had been doing work of breaking through the fortress. She held on tightly to the warrior, hearing the door burst open and seeing the party worm their way in.

“Andraste guide you,” she hissed to the warden. Her blade danced and spun quickly as she drove the blade down into his chest. His body went rigid beneath her, she watched his eye color fade from red to green. She stood up and away from the warrior, her stomach was churning. Blood and smoke was everywhere. Her mind was reeling back into the Chantry explosion.

Suddenly, an explosion erupted to her far right. Hawke’s head twisted around to the noise seeing more possessed mages summon demons. Inquisition soldiers were thrown off the battlement as the wardens nearly seized control of the rampart.

“Oh, by the Maker,” she cursed loudly, drawing her weapons as she sprinted to help the remaining Inquisition soldiers on the battlement. She hurled three blades at one mage, striking him in the face and chest drawing attention from all four of the rage demons. The creatures turned their heads to face the noise and then began screaming at her.

“You just have to save everyone, don’t you?” She muttered to herself.

Inquisition soldiers had come up from her diversion, jumping to her side. Hawke made eye contact with one of the possessed mages. Her heart was twisting, what if this face belonged to her sister? What would she do then? What Bethany had managed to escape from Aveline and had come to join the fray with her brothers and sisters? Her stomach churned, no, she couldn’t afford to think like that. Not now.

“FOR THE WARDENS!” The mage roared sending the demons forth.

“FOR THE INQUISITION!” She yelled before coating herself in a salve to avoid any burns. Inquisition mages raised their staffs before swinging an ice shield around the scouts. Hawke charged with warriors and descended upon the group. The mages were more equipped to take down the demons but every time its rock skin had died down in color she took the time to strike down.

She fought through the group beside the soldiers defeating nearly every one until a Warden had appeared. He slit his forearm in front of them, Hawke lunged forward just as a demon burst out of thin air. She was shot back from the summoning, she slid against the concrete and against the now fearful soldiers.

“I’m at a bit of a disadvantage, guys.” Hawke said giving a nervous laugh just as the Pride demon let out a roar. She stood up brushing off her leathers, staring up at the large fucking demon in front of her. Its hands were brought together as the space between them began to crackle and light up with electricity. She gave a groan of irritation before launching a sparing knife at the creature.

It’s shoulder jerked back and his charging was halted causing him to strike out one wrist. Hawke rolled away from the whip of lighting that cracked and burned the floor where her body once stood. She gave a mental note to herself to kill Erimond herself.

She dodged another attack and watched as a bolt hit the demon right in the chest. She turned to see the Inquisitor and the party tearing through wardens. She gave a sigh of relief before quickly taking the opportunity to haul herself on the demons arm and onto its shoulders. She swung her blades out of their sheaths before jamming them into the pride demons neck, he roared in pain beginning to twist his body.

Hawke twisted her blade in tightly, her hands gripping the handles of her daggers. She pressed her body against its back while it took most of the hits from the front.

“Hawke, you should have told me this was your definition of a good time!” Varric called out over the fray. She gave a weak laugh, lifting her body up and driving the blades out and dropping to her feet. The Inquisitor appeared joining her rank as they hit the legs first, crippling the demon.

“I think you’ve mistaken mine with Fenris’s definition! THIS-“she yelled, ducking a blow from the demon as she drove her blades through the demon’s side. Hawke and the Inquisitor switched places with swift steps before they both jumped and drove their blades into the demon’s arms. Hawke heard Varric launch a bolt and both the rogues twisted in and out of the way as the bolt exploded on impact.

“IS FAR TOO MESSY FOR MY TASTES.” She yelled as the Inquisitor drove her blade into the demon’s chest. It stumbled, landing on its knees before disintegrating into the wind that howled against them. Hawke panted, wiping away the sweat from her forehead. She sheathed her blades and patted the Inquisitor on the shoulder.

“Always a pleasure,” she smirked at the Inquisitor. Kali waved her dagger before hearing another explosion behind them.

“Good work, stay with my forces and see that they survive this.”

“I’ll keep the demons off them as best I can…it’s not easy when demons won’t stop bursting out of thin air.” She whined, she looked over at Varric where he was wiping away blood from his nose. He had a cut along his brow which instantly made her pull out one of her handkerchiefs.

Hawke wiped away the blood from Varric’s brow (that was now seductively raised from her tenderness), Varric grasped her hand and kissed her knuckles tenderly. It was a quick act of love but it made her face darken and causing the rest of the party to share looks.

“Told you he was getting it in, Dorian.”

“You didn’t tell me anything! You boasted about it all the way home from the Western Approach!” Dorian hissed at him. Hawke turned, clearing her throat to face the Inquisitor’s all-too-knowing face. She gave the smallest of smiles before hardening her face once more.

“Right, so Erimond needs a good killing and he’s that way so this party need to go before anymore demons and possessed mages come skipping out, yes?” Hawke said breaking the silence.

Kali nodded and turned toward the main entrance of Adamant. She nodded her head towards the door where the rest of her and the part began to run for. Varric gave a wink at Hawke before going after them. The relief she had coursing through her was now washed away with more anxiety as she watched him go towards the courtyard.

She stayed behind for only a few minutes, directing healers to the wounded and scouts to the weak points until things were handled. It didn’t take her long before she was already at the Inquisitor’s heels as they broke through into the courtyard.

The smell of blood was thick in the air but to Hawke’s surprise most of the Wardens weren’t under complete control of Corypheus. From above on their pedestal she could see Erimond and Commander Clarel standing over a dead body where a rift was twisting inside itself.

“Stop them! We must complete the ritual!” Erimond yelled making each warden turn toward them. Kali held up a hand to her party and walked forward, her face was hardened into stone as she looked at Erimond.

“Clarel! If you complete that ritual, you’ll be doing exactly what Erimond wants!” She

“What? Fighting the blight? Keeping the world safe from darkspawn? Who wouldn’t want that?

Hawke noticed Clarel’s uncertainty. If the Inquisitor could get anyone to listen to reason, part of that due to her being so frighteningly scary when things didn’t go her way.

“And yes, the ritual requires blood sacrifice. Hate me for that if you must, but do not hate the Wardens for doing their duty.” Hawke was playing with one of her throwing knives, all it could take was just one twist of her wrist, and then he’d have a harder time speaking utter bullshit with a dagger in his throat.

“We make the sacrifices no one else will. Our warriors die proudly for a world that will never thank them.” Clarel agreed. Could Hawke call out fallacy? Was the Inquisitor going to listen to their arguments continue? She gave Kali respect for her patience, Maker knowing Hawke didn’t have any.

“And then your Tevinter ally binds the mages to Corypheus!” Stroud cut in, Hawke wondered how long it would take the aged Warden to put in his own commentary.

Clarel’s eyes opened wide in shock. “Corypheus? But he’s dead.” She said loudly. Looks like that caught her attention. The look of doubt was beginning to form on her face, Hawke could see her plans beginning to crumble as more disbelief answered her arguments.

“These people will say anything to shake your confidence, Clarel.” Erimond pleaded, had he taken a lesson from Kali’s silver-tongue. He was frantically trying to soothe over the cracks that formed in his plan. His eyes stared down Kali but she looked unshaken even surrounded by forty wardens.

Clarel ran a hand on her face, she closed her eyes. She looked pained as if the decision of doing this was the only way to solve everything. Hawke could see Kali twist her head toward Clarel, eyebrows raised in thought. Clarel removed her hand from her face as Erimond gave her a panicked look. Her eyes opened and her face matched Kali’s.

“Bring it through.” She commanded. Erimond gave them a smirk causing Hawke’s grip on her dagger to tighten. She watched in horror as each mage’s body twisted toward the rift while it expanded and fattened at their magic. It was then a dance as every warden plus the party moved toward the rift as its strength grew in size.

“Please, I have seen more than my share of blood magic! It is never worth the cost!” Hawke pleaded with them. She was trying to do this to save lives, to bring back some honor for her sister’s fellow brethren.

“I trained half of you myself! Do not make me kill you to stop this madness!” Stroud threatened but nothing was shaking their resolve. Hawke’s hands began to shake, how could they fall so easily for this insanity? Screams erupted from the rift while images of something Hawke didn’t feel like investigating flickered by.

“Be ready with the ritual, Clarel. This demon is truly worthy of your strength.” Erimond commanded. Hawke couldn’t stand idly by while this was happening but she was outnumbered and outmatched.

“The Grey Wardens have a proud history! You stopped the Blight at the Silent Plains. At Starkhaven…and Hunter Fell. At Ayesleigh…and Denerim. This world owes you a debt it can never repay. I would not stand against you if I did not KNOW you were being misused.”

There it was, the compassion Hawke thought she’d never see. It was also the voice of reason she’d been waiting for. She turned to Varric in surprise at her extensive knowledge. Varric only raised a finger to the side of his temple and tapped twice. Seems the Inquisitor was not only deadly but she was book smart as well.

She watched as each Warden turned toward their commander. Their faces twisted in confusion and anger, she could see their hesitation. The Inquisitor was well-armed with her persuasive words and it looked like it was reaching out to the soldiers. Clarel’s face remained unchanged but she turned her head toward the magister.

“Clarel, we have come so far. You’ve the only one who can do this.”

“Perhaps we could test the truth of these charges, to avoid more bloodshed.”

Andraste’s flaming knickers, she started listening to reason. Erimond’s face twisted into rage at Clarel’s command. “Or perhaps I should bring in a more reliable ally.” He said turning to face them now.

“My master thought you might come here, Inquisitor! He sent me this to welcome you!”

Erimond tapped his staff on the ground as it began to glow red, he stared up at the sky.

“This doesn’t sound good.” Hawke hissed just as a scream came overhead. Oh yes, shit was going to get messy. The Archdemon flew overhead before diving downward, opening it’s gigantic mouth to blow out red shards. Hawke and Kali dove out of the line of fire just as the crystals struck into the ground, crackling with power.

“An Archdemon…it just had to be an Archdemon,” she groaned at Kali as they stood before taking cover. Hawke watched Clarel’s face was written with shock and betrayal as Erimond stared at them with pride and hate. The Archdemon flew over once again, knocking a pillar off the rampart. Clarel walked back, her eyes on Erimond and the dragon.

The dragon landed above them, roaring out in a nearly deafening tone. Of all the pets Corypheus had to pick, it had to be a dragon. Couldn’t he have just raised an army of mabari? Or bears? Hawke thought. Erimond was raising his hands in greetings to the giant fucking dragon where Hawke hoped he looked more appetizing than welcoming.

Suddenly, a surge of lightning struck Erimond from the back. The magister let out a weak groan before hitting the ground. Her hands were dancing with electricity while her eyes looked from Erimond to the dragon.

“Clarel, wait…” Erimond begged. Hopefully, this was just the beginning of him begging. He deserved to be tortured…slowly. Clarel wasn’t listening, instead she struck her hand out and sent out a blast toward the Archdemon. Hawke watched in horror as it matched her blasts with its own and sent another ray of red crystals at her. Clarel hit the ground just as the dragon left its post and breathed more crystals into the ground between her and Erimond.

“Help the Inquisitor!” Clarel commanded before going after Erimond. They all faced the fade rift that exploded. Two demons fell out of it which would have been an easy fight if it weren’t for the hulking pride demon in their way. Hawke and the Inquisitor matched their stances before going into the fray. The two leapt away from each other, each going after the pride demon and fighting their way to clear the courtyard.

Wardens took their places beside them fighting the pride demon. Hawke and Kali danced around the demon like they had on the battlements only this time it was much easier to cripple and topple the damnable thing. Wardens were striking it with their swords and shields, keeping it kneeling on the floor. Hawke underestimated its strength as she caught onto its arm, slashing through the thickened skin. The creature roared in pain, raising its arms and slamming its fists into the ground throwing everyone nearby away from it. Hawke’s body was flung backwards and slammed against a fallen pillar. The air was knocked out of her lungs as she hit with a grunt. The creature stood back up, rolling its wrists and striking down a whip striking down wardens in the distance.

Hawke made eye contact to the Inquisitor that was helped back up by Varric. Iron Bull pushed through the ranks, his battle axe swinging as he struck the demon in the leg. Hawke regained he balance and struck forward, jamming her blades into its side. Kali drove her blades deep, they dripped with green poison weakening the demon. She twisted and yanked them out, the demon’s wound ruptured and bled heavily. Hawke dodged any oncoming ice attacks that Dorian was throwing toward the demon.

Its skin began to turn blue as Dorian’s staff was swinging around in his arms. Dorian gave a shout as he slammed his hands together with the staff in his hand. Ice rolled from the floor up, puncturing the demon in the legs. It groaned pinned into the ground, Varric shot an explosive bolt and Kali and Hawke pressed their backs against the creature while the bolt struck its face and imploded. The demon fell forward, its skins beginning to degenerate and fade off.

“Nice job,” Kali said to her party. Hawke leaned her forearms on her knees as she gulped down air.

“We might want to get out of here before we become that dragon’s dessert.” Varric quipped causing their attention to go toward the opening left for them.

“I agree. Less talking and more killing Erimond.” Hawke panted, standing up. From then on, it was a fight every step of the way going after Clarel. They fought through the controlled mages and their pet demons beside the allied Wardens. They pleaded to their comrades before avoiding their attacks, Kali convinced the stragglers to go help the others and hold control of the fortress before they took off for Clarel.

It was a nonstop sprint going after Erimond. They dodged attacks from the Archdemon that tried to flay them alive. Iron Bull was more than enthusiastic and offered to go after the demon. Kali immediately shot down his suggestion as they turned the corner going out into the bridge where Erimond and Clarel were running.

Kali halted as Erimond turned and shot a bolt of fire at Clarel which she projected away with her shield. She strode towards him, her anger completely visible from their standpoint. “You! You’ve destroyed the Grey Wardens!” She hissed as Erimond tried to make a run for it before he figured out that he was cornered. He turned just in time to see Clarel raise a stone fist from the ground and knock him to the floor with it.

Clarel ran in front of him as he stood up and laughed weakly. “You did that to yourself, you stupid bitch.” Hawke thought her hatred for the man was deep but she was proved wrong when she saw Clarel’s face of utter fury.

“All I did was dangle a little power before your eyes, and you couldn’t WAIT to get your hands bloody!” He huffed, holding a hand to his side. Clarel shook her head in anger before waving her staff onto the ground and striking it where a blast of lightning surged off the concrete and hitting him. Erimond’s body was shot backwards. He groaned and began to rock on one side, “you could have served a new god.” He argued. “I will NEVER serve the Blight!” Clarel yelled. The party ran forth, getting ready to drag Corypheus that is until the Archdemon appeared in front of them. Landing on its haunches and snapping Clarel in its snares. They watched in horror as the dragon flew up and yanking Clarel’s limp body in its mouth like a mabari with a bone.

It twisted its head one more time before hurling Clarel’s body behind them. They began to back up towards Erimond.

“I don’t think it liked the appetizer,” Hawke yelled, watching the dragon opens its mouth. She knew that a dragon would be the death of her one day…she just didn’t think it would be so damn soon. She readied her blades while it strolled towards them.

To Hawke’s astonishment, Clarel was still alive after being a dragon’s chew toy. The commander crawled in front of them, matching the dragon’s pace. Hawke saw they were running out of room from the collapsed bridge and they were running out of time.

It was either become dragon food or plummet to her death and the latter sounded better to her. Clarel raised her head, “in war, victory…” she choked out, blood was pouring out from the holes in her body. “In peace, vigilance…” she said loudly this time, rolling her body over to face the dragon.

Maker’s sweet beard, was she offering herself as another treat to the beast? Then, Clarel raised a fist as it glowed and blasted an oncoming lightning burst from her hand, striking the dragon straight in the chest as it dove for them.

“DUCK!” Kali roared before shoving Hawke to the side and rolling against the battlement while the dragon’s body slid and tore the bridge apart. The ground shook and quaked beneath them while she gave a frightened look to Kali.

The bridge began to crack and crumble beneath them. They stood up as the demon clung onto a cracked piece of the ground before losing its grip and tearing the bridge in half. They took off running toward the main gate. “MAKER, I WASN’T SERIOUS ABOUT PLUMMETING TO MY DEATH!” She yelled at the skies as the ground beneath her feet was giving way.

She turned for a second to see Kali helping Stroud from falling off the bridge. The entire bridge surged and broke apart under her feet as they were all ripped away from freedom and began falling into the ravine. Kali’s hands struck out in front of them, her wrist glowing bright green before opening a rift before them.

“SON OF A BIT-“Hawke screamed before the rift swallowed them whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously so amazed at all the support this fic has been given. None of this would have been continued without all of your guys continuous kudos, views and support. Thank you so much! <3


	17. Fade Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition party is thrown into the Fade where the true horrors begin.

Hawke never really embraced the thought of death—no matter how often it nipped at her heels. She had woken up on the ground, hard and uneven rocks dug into her back as she slowly stood up. Hawke touched her head, she felt almost as worse as she did when she had a dwarven drinking contest with Varric in Kirkwall. She shook off the pain and looked around her.

 

This…was definitely not Thedas…or any part of waking reality. She turned once she felt a ripple under her feet and saw Kali falling through the air only upside down…or was it the right side up? She was so turned around wherever she was that there was no way she was to put a grip on this.

 

Kali stuck a finger out to touch the ground while she hovered only before gravity betrayed her and she crashed into the ground. She gave a grunt before righting herself upwards. Hawke turned to see Stroud, facing sideways from the Inquisitor looking just as dumbfounded as they.

 

“Where are we?” He asked turning toward the Inquisitor.

 

“We…were falling. If this is the afterlife, the chantry owes me an apology. This looks nothing like the Maker’s bosom.” She hissed, she became aware that she only could see the three of them. Where was Varric? Fear rushed through her as she tried to recall the events of before. Varric appeared from behind some rocks with Dorian and Bull. She gave a sigh of relief.

 

“No. The Inquisitor used the mark to open another rift. We fell through. I believe we are in the Fade.” Stroud put in, trying to angle himself to get a good look at Hawke.

 

“The first time I entered the Fade, it looked like a lovely castle filled with gold and silks. I met a marvelous desire demon, as I recall. We chatted and ate grapes before he tried to possess me.” Dorian cut in, looking more interested than angry. Apparently his witty commentary was still useful in unnatural settings, Hawke thought.

 

Hawke looked around her. That would make more sense of why in Andraste’s ass she was upside down and everything reeked of spoiled water and piss. This wasn’t what she preferred to when escaping death but it was better than actually BEING dead.

 

“Oh, this is shitty.” Iron Bull cut in, Hawke was in agreement with the large Qunari. Seems he was the only one that was saying what she was actually thinking.

 

“I’ll fight whatever you give me, boss. But nobody said nothing about getting dragged through the ass end of demon town.” Bull’s face was full of disapproval and for once Hawke wasn’t going to blame him. If she looked at her own face she imaged it mirrored his.

 

“The Fade looks a lot different from the last time I was here. Perhaps it’s because we’re here physically, instead of dreaming.” Hawke inquired.

 

She had wished she’d snuck a flask of brandy with her. It would have soothed more of her mental injuries than her physical ones because she wasn’t going to be able to handle this.

 

“The stories say you walked out of the Fade at Haven. Was it like this?”

 

“I don’t know. I still can’t remember what happened the last time I did this!” Kali hissed. Hawke saw a hint of fear pass her eyes. Seems like this wasn’t her cup of tea either, she didn’t anyone would think this was a great idea.

 

“Well, whatever happened at Haven, we can’t assume we’re safe now. That huge demon was right on the other side of that rift Erimond was using, and there could be others.”

 

“In our world, the rift the demands came through was nearby. In the main hall. Can we escape the same way?”

 

“It beats waiting around for demons to find us, right?” Kali said looking at them for any objections. They had none before Stroud began climbing off his rock.

 

Hawke shrugged in agreement before awkwardly trying to climb off the upside down rock that she stood on. Fade shit was everywhere. She didn’t like the Fade when she had gone through it before and it’s even worse now that she stood physically in the damn place.

 

Kali narrowed her eyes before pointing north in front of them…or was it north? Were there actual directions in the Fade?

 

“There. Let’s go.” Kali said before making her walk a little bit faster now. They walked through slowly, water was everywhere. Hawke could feel the humidity in the air but yet no one else looked like it bothered it. Then she realized, if the Fade played on everyone’s experiences could what Hawke believed to be humidity could be downpour to Stroud?

 

Nonetheless, she hated this damn place. It reeked of…what did it actually reek like? How could she give a word to properly describe the mood and the way the Fade was? Her head was still thick. Her hearing felt like she had been put under water…how could this be reality?

 

“Is this really what it’s like when you dream? How do you people ever sleep?” Varric whined at Dorian who scoffed and rolled his eyes at him while he fixed his arm buckles. Varric aligned his steps with Hawke’s while he nudged her in the arm.

 

“Remember last time we ended up in the Fade, Hawke?”

 

Hawke rolled her eyes too. She remembered having to kick her own friend’s asses out of the Fade. After the fact that they betrayed her by trying to make deals with demons. What a cherished memory.

 

“Oh, how could I forget? My closest friends showed such loyalty in the face of a demon’s temptations.” She hissed at him. Varric gave a fake gasp of hurt before waving a hand at her.

 

“Well, we got better. Sort of.”

 

She looked at him with an eyebrow slightly raised in disbelief. Anders was the main reason for uncertainty. Thinking of him made her wonder where he was at this point and what he’d think of if he was here…with Justice. She imagined the spirit wouldn’t be the kindest about returning to his home.

 

Iron Bull cut in suddenly dragging Hawke out of her reminiscing. His voice was angry and sarcastic as he held his hands on his hips and stuck out his lips.

 

“’Hey, chief. Let’s join the Inquisition! Good fights for a good cause!’ ‘I don’t know, Krem. I hear there are demons.’ ‘Ah, don’t worry about the demons, chief! I’m sure we won’t see many!” Bull grumbled loudly before muttering, “asshole.”

 

He came in front of everyone, halting their steps and holding up his hands. “Everyone, if I get possessed, feint on my blind side, then go low. Cullen says I leave myself open.”

 

“I’ll bear that in mind,” Varric grumbled.

 

“Vishante kaffas, Bull.” Dorian glared at him. Was Hawke the only one that was taking his words seriously? Of course it was in bad taste to bring up the possibility of one of them getting possessed but she wasn’t keen on taking down ANOTHER huge Qunari. Andraste preserve her, she had barely survived her fight with the Arishok.

 

Everyone ignored his comment until Hawke strolled up next to him, “I’m weak on my left too. I have a bad shoulder so I hit high. Aim and strike for my ribs and then hit my hip, I’ll be down for the count.” She said to Bull before he nodded. Varric glared at her for her comment causing her to raise her hands up.

 

“Someone ought to do it.” She said as they climbed some fallen stairs and turned a corner.

 

“Both of you quit talking like that, we’re all going to get out of here-“ Kali barked but halted in her talking when they all looked at a very familiar figure standing before them. “Alive.” Kali said finishing her sentence in utter shock.

 

“By the Maker, could that be…?”

 

Hawke’s eyes were opened in complete surprise. She stood in her full garb and everything. Could she now being seeing things? Maker, she really now needed that drink.

 

“I greet you, Warden. And you, Champion.”

 

“Divine Justina.” Kali said slowly. Hawke sighed in relief. So, she hadn’t been seeing things after all. That was reassuring since she was so sure she was going absolutely crazy. The Divine gave a slight smile and a welcoming tilt of her head toward the party. Something wasn’t right, however.

 

“Back at Haven. I saw…I thought I saw…How can you be here?” Kali said, confusion was written all over her face.

 

“I fear the Divine is indeed dead. It is likely we face a spirit…or a demon.” Stroud said, Hawke gave him a look. He never failed to be brutally honest in awkward situations such as these ones.

 

“You think my survival impossible, yet you stand alive in the Fade yourselves. In truth, proving my existence either way would require time we do not have.”

 

“Really? How hard is it to answer one question? I’m human, and you are…?” Hawke trailed off. If she wanted to talk to someone being dodgy and dishonest she could have easily talked to Anders. It wasn’t like time was of the essence either, they did stand in a place where time didn’t exist.

 

“I am here to help you.” She said quickly before giving Hawke a narrowed look at her. She felt like she was being scolded from her mother all over again. Justina turned her gaze back toward Kali, giving her a firm head shake.

 

“You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Inquisitor.”

 

“No, I don’t.” Kali hissed, Hawke could feel her anxiety from where she stood. Justina’s face didn’t falter from her rudeness.

 

“The memories you have lost were taken by the demon that serves Corypheus. It is the Nightmare you forget upon waking. It feeds off memories of fear and darkness, growing fat upon the terror.”

 

“Lucky us,” Varric hissed next to her.

 

“The false Calling that terrified the Wardens into making such grave mistakes? Its work.”

 

“I would gladly avenge the insult this Nightmare dealt my brethren.”

 

“You will have your chance, brave Warden. This place of darkness is it’s lair.”

 

Oh, how charmingly lovely. Hawke thought. She was standing full body deep in Fade shit and coincidentally enough that Fade shit belonged to a fat Nightmare demon that was the cause of all this. Does the Maker intend to torture her before her death?

 

Hawke heard Kali ask Justina (or whatever it was) some questions about Corypheus to which she answered honestly. She looked over to Varric who looked almost as done as she. Why did Varric have to be dragged into her mess? If she had been more cautious and more lethal about killing Corypheus…if she had just…she stopped herself.

 

Her destructive thoughts were going to be the death of her and then where would they be? She had to keep her senses sharp and her mind clean. She needed to put on her big girl pants if she was to survive this.

 

“The big demon Erimond was trying to bring through?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“It’s nearby?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, shit.”

 

Hawke tilted her head toward her. Shit, indeed. So much for her victory on easily getting out of the Fade.

 

“When you entered the Fade at Haven, the demon took part of you. Before you do anything you, you must recover it.”

 

Justina turned her head and pointed out to where three spirits burst out of thin air and appeared in front of them. “Oh! The Divine does party tricks now.” Hawke scoffed.

 

“These are your memories, Inquisitor.”

 

With that, they descended upon them. Slaying quickly through the spirits. Each time a spirit was slain, they dropped a piece of memory that Kali had absorbed through her mark and from that they heard parts of Kali’s memory. It wasn’t until the last memory was absorbed that, Kali threw a hand to her head, her face twisted in pain that they began to unravel part of the mystery.

 

The Fade melted around them and they were back at the Conclave. They watched Divine Justina as appeared in front of them, bound in front of Wardens and Corypheus. Fear was heavy on her worn face while she stared down the Wardens with pleading eyes. Justina had been bound by Wardens? They were aligning themselves with Corypheus? Hawke thought to herself but the horror was noticeable.

 

She watched as Corypheus tried to unlock the orb in front of Justina. The doors burst open as Kali ran in, disrupting Corypheus’s ritual and giving enough distraction for Justina to swat the orb out of his grasp. Kali dove for the orb, her hand catching it before it caught onto her hand. She screamed out in pain as Corypheus ran towards her.

 

The orb glowed brightly and grew before bursting between the two of them. Hawke was launched out of the memory, shaking her head from the blast of white light that came from it. Kali rubbed her head, her balance uneven as she held out a hand to steady herself.

 

“So your mark did not come from Andraste. It came from the orb that Corypheus used in his ritual.”

 

“I never said it was from Andraste.” She hissed over at Stroud.

 

“Corypheus intended to rip open the Veil, use the anchor to enter the Fade, and throw open the doors of the Black City. Not for the Old Gods but for himself. When you disrupted his plans, the orb bestowed the anchor upon you instead.”

 

“So this was, what, an accident? A random ricochet in the middle of a fight?” Kali looked as if someone ripped the rug out from under her. Was she a believer of Andraste? Did some part of her actually believe the possibility that it was a boon from her?

 

“And if it was?” Justina asked, raising a white eyebrow to her.

 

“If it was, then neither the Maker nor Andraste were in any way involved in this! I’m just…” She was caught in the crossfire of a ritual, a mistake that should have never been there, Hawke thought. Had her life been the same if it were someone else? Or was she always destined to this life? What was the Maker’s original plan for her?

 

“If you believe in the Maker, then you believe He made this world and everything in it, including your accident. And if not, nothing has changed. You cannot escape the lair of the Nightmare until you regain all that it took from you. You have recovered some of yourself, but now it knows you are here.”

 

“Bloody brilliant,” Hawke groaned as Kali looked over to her.

 

“You must make haste. I will prepare the way ahead.” Justina quickly said. They both turned back toward her but instead stared at the empty space where she once stood. Hawke shook her head in agitation. The Grey-Wardens had betrayed themselves, spoiled everything they stood for. They had been the murderers of the Divine…

“Something troubles you, Hawke?” Stroud asked, ripping her out of her internal monologue with herself.

 

“I wondered if you might be concerned about the Grey-Wardens holding the Divine in that vision. Their actions led to her death.” She said turning her head toward him now.

 

“I assumed he had taken their minds, as you have seen him do before. Come. We can argue after we escape this dark place.”

 

“Oh, I intend to.”

 

She was uneasy, this whole thing sent waves of restlessness for her. She had felt it before. It was the same feeling she had right before the tensions between the mages and Templars had come to a devastating climax. However, something called to her in her mind.

 

She worried for Bethany. What would she do now that her own brothers and sisters had betrayed everything she represented? Or, if it weren’t for Aveline and Varric’s help would she be standing alongside them?

 

No, she can’t think like that. She couldn’t afford to think like it. It’s what this waking nightmare wanted her to think. It wanted her to give into these thoughts to feed off it and get stronger. She shook her head to herself. No.

 

She wasn’t to think like this, not about Bethany and DEFINITELY not about Varric. She couldn’t give into the thought, no matter how much her heart ached thinking of what might be brewing for them. There was one thing she knew. If there was any way of saving Varric before her, she’d do it in a heartbeat. She’d give everything for his guaranteed safety. That was the only thing that pushed her through this shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be one supermega chapter but I decided to split it down the middle.   
> Feedback is always welcomed!


	18. Here Comes The Punchline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition's fears are displayed for everyone and Hawke makes a decision that could shake the world that she and Varric had built.

They had woven through the Fade, slashing each creature that dared brave enough to come up to them. However, each fight had been weighing more on Hawke. She felt like her whole being, her life essence had been dwindling slowly before this and then it was vanishing by the second they lingered in the Fade.

Had it been the Fade itself? Was it just it playing on her weaknesses and preying on the ones she had unconsciously given up to it? She could bear the weight any longer and every second of knowing that Varric was in danger was another burden added to her shoulders. If any harm was to come to him while they were here it would be too much for her to bear. 

The ties she had bound around herself—to keep from splitting apart would all be ripped apart knowing that the one thing that held herself together was no longer there. They had gone further in fighting giant spiders—or what Hawke believed to be spiders? She always hated the gangly damned things. Couldn’t she just live in a world where they were extinct?

At one point, they had reached an area where Corypheus’s voice had rang loudly over their heads. 

“Perhaps I should be afraid, facing the most powerful members of the Inquisition.” His dark laughed filled their ears. It was like had his lips pressed against your ears, his breath on your neck making your hairs stand on end. Hawke could shake his presence off of her. 

“The Qunari will make a lovely host for one of my minions. Or maybe I will ride his body myself.” His voice cooed in, Hawke’s head whipped to Bull. His whole body went rigid, his grip on his blade tightened and his knuckles went white. 

“I’d like to see you try.” He threatened. Kali moved forward, she was investigating a mirror that shined more brightly than the others. Hawke’s stomach was tightening and she felt another wave of nausea roll through her. 

“Oh, yes. Let’s investigate all this Fade, spirity shit while we’re ass deep in demon fuckery. I see no harm in that.” Hawke said to Kali as she still investigated the mirror.

Dorian had come up to Bull, laying a gentle hand on his tightened fists. They shared a look to one another that told there was something other than dislike under the surface. Hawke watched Bull’s grip loosen and his shoulders relax slightly. 

“Greeting, Dorian…it is Dorian, isn’t it? For a moment, I mistook your for your father.” 

“Rather uncalled for.” Dorian said coolly but there she knew. These were fears the creature was preying on. How had she not seen this sooner? Dorian’s compassion made him a target for the demon. Had their compassion and strength through this been the creature’s own weakness? 

Kali touched the mirror and it exploded on impact, releasing demons from its traps. “I told you!” Hawke hissed at her as she and Varric teamed up sides and ran towards one, Varric pinned its tail as Hawke’s blades drove into its skin. 

From across from them Kali and Stroud had already torn through one, its body already erupting and dissolving into dust. Hawke struck her blades in again just as Varric shot an explosive bolt. She leapt out of the way as the creature screamed in pain, holding up its arms in defeat before sinking back into the ground. 

Hawke stayed on the ground longer than she should have deemed okay. Her body was heavy and she was aching all over. These fight were weakening her, it felt like every demon that had gone up against had taken her strength with them as they dissolved out of the Fade. Varric had ran over, picking her up slowly. Her body was aching, her fingers felt like ice against her grips. She had to push forward, she had to keep doing this. 

“Once again, Hawke is in danger because of you, Varric. You found the red lyrium. You brought Hawke here…” Varric froze in place and every slowly gave looks to them. Hawke felt the pain in her chest, he still felt like he was to blame, after everything…

He shook it off, he rolled his shoulders and straightened his posture. He sheathed Bianca back into her spot on his back and looked up at the sky, avoiding Hawke’s gaze. “Just keep talking, Smiley.” He threatened as they pressed on. Corypheus’s laugh caused a shiver to run down her spine. His fear was losing her…had he been afraid to tell her this all along? 

Kali touched the glimmering broken glass just as it struck back at her. She hit the ground with a groan but waved a hand after Stroud had come to help her up. She stood up and gave him a reassuring smile. 

“Warden Stroud. How must it feel to devote your whole life to the Wardens, only to watch them fall? Or, worse, to know that you were responsible for their destruction? When the next Blight comes, will they curse your name?” 

“With the Maker’s blessing, we will end this wretched beast.” He demanded sheathing his blade. They made their way out of the small clearing and back onto the trail that Justina had made for them. Hawke was uneasy. Nearly everyone except for Kali—good luck trying to get that one, demon—was being exposed…what would hers sound like? Hawke feared. 

“Did you think you mattered, Hawke? Did you think anything you ever did mattered? You couldn’t even save your city. How could you expect to strike down a God?” 

“Slowly and painfully with pointy weapons, if you must ask.” She said answering to the voice in her head and ears. 

“Varric is going to die. Just like your family, and everyone you ever cared about.” 

There it was. The truth that had been burning a hole in her chest since she first thought it. She was scared of losing Varric and she told him that but she never told him that Varric dying would be the death of her too. That her whole world was to crumble into dust if he was no longer in it. 

“Quite rude.” She hissed but her mind was playing images of losing Varric. This could be the demon feeding off it, growing stronger from just how many she had hidden beneath her hardened skin. She felt like she was going to be sick. 

Hawke tried to ignore the pain she felt in her chest, what was this feeling of uneasiness that she carried throughout the Fade? She knew something was coming…but what? She didn’t know. This thing, knew her fear, knew what made her ache from the inside out. 

She wasn’t going to let it end in this place. 

She was going to be the one to end of all of this. She was going to strike the killing blow and if anything tested her they would die too. She spun her blades, testing their weight as they traveled through. They pushed on, finding the clearing where the spirit waited for them. 

They were quick to fight and defeat each demon. These were stronger than the last were they getting closer to the Nightmare demon? How much was it going to persist and send its gangly spawn until they’d reach it? 

Hawke stayed on Kali’s flank as she absorbed each memory. The voices were louder than before and then finally they were ripped back away from the Fade and back into the memories. Kali had been scrambling up a mountain trying to reach the rift at the top. 

“This is the Breach back in Haven. That’s how we…how I escaped.” Kali said in surprise. 

Kali climbed up the long mount of rocks, scaling one piece another. The demons nipping at her heels hurrying as she tried to reach where Justina stood. The rift was in an arms grasp as she climbed to the top, pulling Justina with her as the demons screamed behind them. 

“Keep running!” Kali hissed behind her to Justina. She reached the rift only to halt once Justina screamed behind her. The demons had her legs, pulling her off the top. Kali reached out and caught her hand, pulling her towards the rift. It was futile, they were too strong and if Kali stayed any longer she would be dragged with her. 

“Go!” Justina whispered before releasing her grip and being pulled out of her sight. Kali hesitated a moment longer before she dove into the rift. 

Everyone was pulled back out of the vision, Kali shaking her head in disbelief before approaching Justina. 

“It was you.” she said sadly while Justina tilted her head at her. Justina looked at her with sorrow and sadness as Kali approached. 

“They thought it was Andraste sending me from the Fade, but it as the Divine behind me. And then you…she died.” 

Justina looked at the ground, her eyes closed in thought for a moment. She looked back up, her grey eyes staring her down. 

“Yes.” 

“So this creature is simply a spirit.” Stroud said cutting through the silence that befell the party. It felt like each horrid myth was exposed with an equally brutal answer. There was no catching up with everything, it was either feel with what you’re given or not feel at all. Hawke had no problem with the latter. 

“You don’t say.” Hawke hissed at him. The anger that was simmering in her blood was beginning to turn into a steady boil every time Stroud opened his mouth. 

“I am sorry if I disappoint you.” Justina said solemnly to Hawke. She met her pained eyes and closed hers. Tears were beginning to sting behind her closed lids. She was barely able to hold on to all of this. The grip she had been holding onto so tightly was weakening. She wasn’t going to be able to handle this, Maker, how could she even begin to handle this?

Justina—the spirit, closed her eyes as her human form melted away and exploded before them. The light dimmed revealing a bright figure in front of them. She hovered above them as Hawke turned back to Kali for her answer. 

“Are you a memory of the Divine? A reflection?” Kali asked, sheathing her weapons. How could someone so deadly be so polite to something that was inhuman? 

“Explain to me how the Inquisitor just killed four demons and yet is to be nice to a glowing one?” Iron Bull asked Varric, who simply shrugged. 

“If that is the story you wish to tell, it is not a bad one.” The spirit said to Kali. 

“What we do know is that the mortal Divine perished at the temple, thanks to the Grey Wardens.” 

Hawke snapped at Stroud. Tension was running higher between them. If she hadn’t gotten clues from Stroud, if she hadn’t offered her help to him. She and Varric wouldn’t be in this mess, he wouldn’t be risking his life in this place. 

“As I said, the Grey Wardens responsible for that crime were under the control of Corypheus. We can discuss this further once we return to Adamant.” 

“Assuming that the Wardens and their demon army didn’t destroy the Inquisition while we were gone!” 

“How dare you judge us? You tore Kirkwall apart and started the mage rebellion!” 

Hawke was in Stroud’s face in mere seconds, her eyes were burning into his. “To protect innocent mages, not madmen drunk on blood magic! But you’d ignore that, because you can’t imagine a world without the Wardens…even if that’s what we need!” 

“I don’t know what to tell you. There are a few good ones, but an awful lot of the Wardens I’ve known went crazy.” Varric said agreeing with her. Thankfully, someone shared the same views she did. 

“They might still be useful. What if Corypheus conjures another Blight? You never know.” 

“Don’t know that we can pass judgement on the only folks who know how to stop Blights.” Iron Bull cut in. 

Kali came up, her eyes nearly blazing with anger. It made both Stroud and Hawke pale in fear. Maybe the Nightmare creature wasn’t needed considering the most terrifying thing in the Fade was standing right in front of them with a menacing look on her face. 

“Sweet Maker, could both of you please shut up? We can argue like little children once we’ve escaped from the giant fear demon!”

The both of them looked like two children who had gotten caught stealing from the cookie jar. They instantly moved away from one another and avoided eye contact. Kali was right, what use was there arguing with Stroud if there was a giant fucking demon waiting to consume them all? 

Hawke loved being right but she wasn’t going to spend her time arguing about it while they were being hunted and time was slipping out of their fingers every second they breathed. 

“Inquisitor…” Stroud started but screams from behind Kali made their attention seek toward the creatures that began appearing out of nowhere. 

“The Nightmare has found us.” The spirit said loudly before disappearing in front of them. 

“The Divine is terrible at being an ally.” Kali said under her breath. Hawke and Stroud turned toward one another and nodded, throwing away their petty arguments for another time. The came up on Kali’s flank with readied blades. 

“Form up!” Stroud commanded as Hawke matched Kali’s stance next to her. “I’m with you!” Hawke yelled popping a top of a bottle to throw poison over her blades. They had each struck through each creature, they became more and more aggressive and frequent as they continued on. They were close and even she could feel it. 

The restlessness that tightening in her chest was becoming unbearable. They ran through a flooded cave, wading their way through. Varric was with the Inquisitor and Stroud as Hawke was beside Iron Bull and Dorian. Just in view was the Nightmare demon and it was bigger and more terrifying than anything she’d ever witnessed before. 

“Maker’s sweet balls,” she said just as it let a blood curling scream. No, she couldn’t let Varric be part of this. No way in this damn place was she going to let him go anywhere near that fucking thing. She couldn’t bear the thought of him. There was no way all of them were to escape unscathed and alive. She couldn’t bear the thought of pushing him forward...making him leave her here. 

It was then she realized that it wasn’t something she needed to do but she HAD to do. There was no option of her going free. She had fucked up too much and she couldn’t bear having Varric take any more of the blame, not ever. It killed her to come to this—to burn everything she and Varric had to ashes hurt. 

She was always the daughter that touched the flame and risked being burned. It feels like the fire had finally caught up with her. She couldn’t let this fire catch, no, she was the one that had to be let go. Let the flames get washed out. She looked over at him, her heart was throbbing in her chest. How much longer would she have to endure this pain? 

Hawke turned on heels to face Iron Bull and Dorian that were bickering about Dorian’s garb. They halted in their steps seeing the look on her face. She played with her fingers for a minute before throwing them down and looking at the two in the eyes. 

“I need you guys to do me a favor. It’s probably going to make Varric hate me but it needs to be done. If an opportunity for all of you guys presents itself I need you to drag Varric out of here, understand?”   
“What do you mean drag Varric out of here?” Iron Bull asked but then Hawke raised her eyebrows and she watched his posture soften the tiniest bit. 

“With all due respect-“Dorian started but Iron Bull held out his arm to quiet him before giving him a look that made him swallow the rest of his sentence. 

“Understand?” She repeated herself. There must have been something written on her face because their expressions changed and they gave her a nod. She sighed in relief and took point next to the Inquisitor. Her hands shook in the grips of her blades as she ignored the fear and agony in her heart. 

She fought with herself. If he was to have it his way he would punch her in the face and drag her out of the Fade for suggesting something this stupid. That’s who she was, though. She was stupid and reckless and she was tired of him protecting her from the backlash. It was time she faced all of her demons and fight through each one. 

The Nightmare creature and the Fear demon stood in their way of the rift—their only way of escaping this damned place. Stroud and Hawke shared looks to one another and matched up their stances. They ran down as the demons cut off their path, moving slowly like they were its prey. 

“The award for the Fade’s ugliest couple goes to…” Hawke trailed off just as the spirit rose over and above them. “If you would, please tell Leliana, ‘I am sorry. I failed you, too.’” The spirit said before throwing herself into the Nightmare demon and exploding in the face of the demon. She halted its movements and threw it away from them, leaving just the fear demon. 

Hawke hurled her throwing knives, hitting the demon in the arms and the chest. Kali pulled out her grappling chain and threw that swinging her body towards the creature. Kali twisted around the creature, blades swung out before she drove them deep into its back. The demon cried out just as another chain was thrown out. The chain wrapped around its wrist and he was yanked back toward Hawke as Bull thrust the hilt of his sword into the creature’s face. 

Hawke made haste as she joined the fray and slashed across its ribs and arms. Dorian sent a blast of fire at the creature, tearing it out of its stunned state. Quickly, the demon threw its head back and screamed sending a blast that threw everyone away from it. 

Its scream was acted as a summoning as spiders came crawling out of spaces and attacked the party. Dorian cast a fire mine knocking three away from Kali. Hawke slashed through one that crawled its way at Dorian just as Bull had pulverized two that came at him at once. Kali swung her chain once more at the fear demon and swung at it, she grasped a bottle from her coat pocket and smashed it over her armor. 

Her chest and arms were coated with ice and she drove her blades into the demon. It froze on contact as Varric shot a bolt at the demon as Kali jumped away from the explosion. Varric switched his positions when Bull had sprinted over stunning the creature. Varric twisted and shot out three bolts, ranging a cover fire in front of Hawke who was surrounded by three spiders. 

Hawke dove in front of the spiders and slashed her blade along one and avoided another mine blast from Dorian as he lit the last two on fire. Hawke turned on her heels and hurled another blade at the fear demon before it could throw its head back and summon more of its pets. 

Iron Bull lifted his hammer over his head and swung down just as Kali threw a fire potion over her skin. The creature threw another blast, only this time Bull had kept his feet planted and Kali’s grapple was still embedded into its skin. Another flood of spiders came crawling out of their hideaways. Dorian slammed his hands together creating a fire wall between the spiders and the fear demon, giving them more time to finish the creature. 

Hawke sprinted up pulling the chain out of its skin before wrapping it around the demon’s neck. She and Kali swung opposite sides of the creature and yanked down, forcing it onto the floor and holding on tightly as it struggled against their grip. Bull swung his blade down and tore through its skin, dodging a fire blast from Dorian and a bolt from Varric. It struggled from the hail of attacks, Kali looked to Hawke and nodded at her. 

Hawke returned the nod and grasped the other side of the chain to Hawke. Hawke rolled onto her feet, planting them firmly into the ground she turned her head away as Kali swung her blades down and up into its chest. The creature screamed before it went limp and twisted inside itself and evaporated beneath her. 

The party wasted no time making their way to the rift. Varric and Hawke were making a run for it before they heard the Nightmare creature scream. The creature rose again and howled in anger. Hawke knew this was coming, she knew it wasn’t going to be this easy. 

Maker, had her time ran up so quickly? How was she going to say goodbye to him? How was she going to start saying goodbye to her best-friend? She turned to Varric as the creature made its way toward them. 

“Go, you need to go.” She said pushing his him toward Bull and Dorian. 

“We’re both getting out of here.” ” He protested. Hawke shook her head at him, giving him a weak smile. “No, this is one I can’t walk away from.” 

“No, you’re not staying behind. Don’t you dare to heroic shit on me,” he argued. Hawke shook her head, her jaw was clenched and tears stung at her eyes. He wasn’t listening, he wasn’t going to listen to anything she said. 

“This is my decision, Varric. I have to stay, this is MY mess. I won’t let you take the blame anymore.” She cried. She couldn’t have him bear the weight of her mistakes anymore. His life weighed more than hers and if there was no Varric in her life…then there was no living. 

“I can’t let you do this!” He said shoving away her hands that desperately tried to grasp out for him. To touch him, to feel him one last time. 

“You have to, Varric. Go while you still can, you insufferable bastard!” 

“What about our future? We’re supposed to settle down—TOGETHER.” 

A sob escaped out of Hawke’s mouth as tears streamed out of her eyes, fear had coursed through her blood. Those plans that she wanted so badly, the plans for her life after all this and to spend it with the man that she waited so long for. 

Being killed by the Nightmare creature would be a blessing compared to the damage she was doing to Varric. This hurt more than any wound she’d ever received. Her biggest fear was hurting him and yet here she stood holding the scissors that tore her apart from him. 

“Have it for both of us-“

“Don’t do this to me!” He yelled, the fear demon screamed in front of them. Tears stung at his own eyes now, Hawke couldn’t stand being the one to hurt him like this. She shook her head, tears streaming down her face. This is the worst pain she’d ever felt in her life time. Time had run out and she had only the smallest of words to say to him before he had to leave. 

“I love you.” She said before grasping his face, giving him a passionate kiss on his lips. She deepened it, tasting him one last time before she ripped him away. She shoved him away from her, another sob escaping from her lips. Hawke watched as Dorian and Bull dragged him away, throwing themselves out of the rift. 

She wiped her eyes and turned just as the fear creature was brought down by Stroud’s sword. Stroud and Kali ran forward, toward the rift just as the giant fear spider’s legs hit the ground, blocking their way. 

“We need to clear a path!” Stroud yelled over the fear demon’s lurching. 

“Go, I’ll cover you,” Hawke said, her voice hoarse. She knew that this was it, this was how she was to go. Time was ticking down and she wasn’t going to have the Inquisitor die from them waiting for a path. 

Stroud’s head whipped toward her. “No. You were right. The Grey Wardens caused this. A Grey Warden must...”

“A Grey Warden must help them rebuild, that’s your job! Corypheus is MINE.” She filled herself with anger instead of grief. 

She had already said her goodbyes, there was no more turning back. She had done what she needed to do in this life and she was to sacrifice herself for the Inquisition and for Varric. It was the Inquisitor’s choice. She had to make the call and Stroud was going to be the better option for the future and for the betterment of Thedas. 

Kali closed her eyes for only a moment. Hawke readied her blades as Kali’s eyes opened back up. Hawke’s body was yanked around and before she could breathe a word, a fist connected to her jaw and then suddenly everything was black.


	19. Insufferable Women

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric deals with Hawke and the aftermath of her decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because fluff and feels

Varric fought against Tiny and Sparkler the second they had thrown him out the rift. He caught Bull by a strap and yanked him down to look at him. Height difference his ass, he was going to kill someone. In all his years, he never expected his own best-friend to betray him like this. 

“YOU ACTUALLY LISTENED TO HER?” He yelled in his face, Iron Bull shook Varric’s hands off of him. Dorian came up, hands raised in surrender as he approached. Everyone’s fighting had some to a standstill as soon as they had come out of the rift. 

“Varric, she wasn’t going to let you do anything. There was nothing you could do.” 

“I could have-“Varric started but then out came the Inquisitor out of the rift with Hawke over her shoulder. Varric’s eyes widened in surprise as he watched Kali drop Hawke’s body onto the ground. She was breathing—Maker’s balls! She. Was. Alive. 

Varric ran over and grasped Hawke’s limp body. She had a thick red bump on the side of her jaw, Varric looked up as Kali held a hand out and closed the rift while the demons around them were sent back into the damned Fade. Varric hoisted Hawke in his arms and carried her out of the clearing. Something told him that Kali wasn’t in any mood to answer his questions. 

He immediately rushed her to a nearby cot where healers looked over some of the wounded soldiers and wardens. He laid her down gently but she was definitely down for the count and by the severity of her bruise she wasn’t going to wake up any time soon. 

First thing he did while she laid completely unconscious was that he prayed. He knew that the Seeker would shit lyrium if she saw him but it was the first thing he could do. He propped his elbows on his knees and prayed to the Maker, to Andraste and even to the Ancestors. 

Twenty minutes ago, he had feared that the one source of his happiness had conducted a heroic suicide mission. He had never felt pain that struck so deeply before. He’d never expect that Hawke was to easily throw everything they had—everything they had just gotten back out into the Fade. 

If Tiny and Sparkler didn’t drag him out (literally) he would have been the one to punch her in the face. Maker knows how much she needed a good beating. But the rational part of him (as much as he loathed it) knew that she’d die for him as many times as needed to ensure his safety.

He just hadn’t wished that she chose this time to be a champion—a hero. He looked to her body on the cot. Ancestors, he’d come so close to losing her—to losing everything. An uproar of cheers sounded from the clearing. He assumed that the mighty Inquisitor had chosen to let the Grey-Wardens fight alongside the Inquisition. A bold move but it was a decision that needed to be made. 

He grasped Hawke’s hand gently and pressed her knuckles to his lips. His eyes stung from tears that were threatening to spill over. He blinked them back, he wasn’t going to do that—not here of all places. He leaned on the balls of his face and took in the small victory he had of having Hawke alive. He heard her approach but he hadn’t realized how close she’d gotten. 

Kali leaned her body against the pillar across from him. He didn’t know where to start on the list of thanking her for what she’d done. 

“She told me that it was my decision…and I decided to punch her for putting me in such an awkward position.” 

Varric gave a small chuckle while he rubbed the side of his jaw. How long had they been here? It felt like years since the last time he’d come close to any sort of alcoholic drink. He was hoping to flag at least one Inquisition soldier down that had at least SOMETHING on him. 

“If there’s two things I’ve learned about you since you fell out of the Fade it’s that you have a knack of getting into awkward positions and prefer punching people rather than thinking rationally.” He said turning

“Would you have liked my rational decision?”

“Honestly? I don’t think I would have.” He said looking back at Hawke, sleeping peacefully. Was she dreaming of him? Was she dreaming of happier times? Because he could ensure himself that her dreaming would be the last happy thing she had before he decided to rip her a new one. 

“Neither would I.” Kali put in making him swivel his head to her. They shared a smile at each other before Curly’s voice was in an uproar and he made his way toward them. 

“Andraste preserve me! You’ve alive, I’ve never been so relieved to see you-“The rest of Curly’s words died on his lips as he saw Varric raising an eyebrow at the Commander. Cullen cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. Kali smiled at Cullen, the kind of smile that could quite possibly melt the heart of any man. 

So, someone had managed to melt that ice cold heart of hers, he thought to himself with a shit-eating grin on his face. He looked back at the two before Kali grasped Curly’s arm. 

“Commander, why don’t you debrief me on how our soldiers are?” She said, but the tone of her voice…it held a sweetness that made Varric want to gag. He was hoping that the stone fist wasn’t turning soft for Curly but then again it was QUITE the character development. 

And also shocking to see that Curly was the only man that didn’t shit himself in the presence of her. Cullen removed his eyes from Varric and nodded toward Kali. Varric winked at the Inquisitor before she poked a finger at him, replacing her soft eyes with hardened ones that assured him that she definitely wasn't going soft. 

Any jokes he had been creating in his mind immediately died inside seeing those eyes. There goes his night of teasing the Inquisitor. “Oh, Varric?” Kali asked making him turn around to look at her. 

“I punched her pretty hard…I suggest dumping her in cold water to rouse her.” 

He watched as she caught up with Cullen, he noticed as Cullen’s hand found hers in the space between them. Teasing the Inquisitor may had been taken off the table but teasing Curly sure wasn’t. He sighed and stood up and looked for Dorian and Bull that he owed an apology to. 

He found them getting checked at by the healers. Dorian seemed perfectly well but stayed close to Bull as he was handed different potions—or was it brandy? The healers applied poultices onto his wounds and tried to attend to Dorian who just shooed them away with a wave of his hands. 

He approached slowly, clasping his hands together as they both looked up. “I hate admitting I was wrong but in this case I’m willing to admit that. You guys showed your loyalty when you pulled me out of the rift. Thanks and sorry.” He sighed, it hurt worse than he imagined. It made a bad taste in his mouth…being wrong was a horrible feeling. 

Bull stood up making an Elven woman sigh in frustration with her poultice. Bull came over, drink swinging as he wrapped an arm around Varric and sighed happily. “Your apology is accepted and tonight we’ll DRINK TO IT!” He threw his head and laughed. 

Dorian rolled his eyes and patted Varric on the shoulder before exiting the tent and muttering something about Bull’s idiotic brain and…butt? Did he eavesdrop correctly?   
Bull’s arm slid off of Varric shoulders and he handed him his flagon before turning back to the way Dorian walked away. 

“What was that about my butt, Dorian?” Iron Bull yelled, raising his arms in victory while pursing the mage. 

“Vishante kaffas, Bull!” He heard Dorian yell out at him. 

Varric took one look at the drink before knocking it down his throat. He coughed feeling it grind down his throat. Yep, this was the strong stuff. He should have asked earlier for   
Bull’s stash. He turned back around where Inquisition soldiers were beginning to carry out the wounded and dead.

It was his time to deal with Hawke. 

~~

Varric had found the perfect spot, it was away from Skyhold and far enough for no one to hear the screaming match he was about to have with Hawke. She was still unconscious from the entirety of their way back. Varric was beginning to wonder if the Inquisitor was capable of knocking someone in a coma. 

But he was taking her advice and stood at the bank of a small hot spring. The water was warm but the air was nowhere near as forgiving at the spring. He looked to where he cradled Hawke in his arms, taking a tender moment to look in her peaceful features…

Before he heaved her body into the hot spring. 

Her body jerking awake was instantaneous and she brought herself upward. He didn’t fear her drowning at all since she was an avid swimmer but she should fear what storm he was brewing above his head. Hawke spit out some water and gasped as the cold air bit her face. 

“By the Maker!” She gasped, teeth chattering and looked at her surroundings then looked at Varric where she began to pale. 

“You’re…You’re supposed to be naked in my afterlife.” She chattered before he raised an eyebrow. Hawke looked around her surroundings for a moment. Luckily, Varric had managed to take off most of her armor (in case she decided to sink) so she was clad in nothing but her smallclothes. It was quite the sight. Hawke looked to her body and then back to Varric. 

“I’m…I’m not dead, am I?” she asked sheepishly watching as Varric shook his head. 

“Well…shit.” She hissed under her breath, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“You have the Inquisitor to thank for that. She knocked you out cold for most of the journey back from Adamant.” 

“Varric-“she started but he raised a hand to her, cutting her off. 

“You know for all the dumb things I’ve been lucky to witness this might actually take the fucking cake.” He hissed. He was able to forgive her to go after the Arishok and Meredith because there was nothing she could have done but going off and leaving herself in the Fade? It was inconceivable. 

“It was a decision I had to make,” Hawke argued, her green eyes hardening into emeralds. 

“See, there you go again. You tend to do things on your own volition without really caring about who it will end up hurting.” He said coolly. He had to keep his composure no matter how badly everything in him wanted to dunk her head into the water. 

“You would have never let me gone through it! You would have never let me come to that decision and now Stroud-“she stopped, her eyes flickering to the water as realization had sliced through her like a newly sharpened blade. He could see every emotion flickering across her face in seconds. 

“Now, he’s dead and there’s nothing I could do to prevent that. The Grey Wardens don’t have anyone else-“ 

“He did it bravely so the Wardens had a name to fight for. But as for you, what was the logic behind trying to stay behind in the Fade? What in all honestly, were you thinking when you SHOVED me away from you?” He growled trying to ignore the hurt that came into waves and flushing out the fire he had kept lit inside him. 

“That I did it for you!” She protested before a shiver ran down her spine and she let out a gasp. He gave her a doubtful look. 

“I couldn’t have you take the blame anymore, Varric. I couldn’t live with knowing that after everything…you still had to take the blame for all my messes and it KILLS me.” 

“So, you would leave me in the real world and deal with your death? The cons of you dying are really outweighing your pros, Hawke.” 

“Maker’s balls, Varric! You had to pick this place to argue with me?” She said nearly yelling. Another shiver wracked through her and she let out an agitated huff of air. 

“This is the only place where I knew you couldn’t run off. Like you always do.” 

“I don’t always run-“ She interjected. 

“Oh, no. You don’t run, excuse me, you SPRINT. Every time something goes right you freak and run for it.” 

“CAN YOU BLAME ME?” She screamed. The rest of his words died on his tongue. Hawke shook, whether it was from the cold or it was from her anger he couldn’t tell. She clenched her jaw to stop her teeth from chattering. 

“I would rather die a million time over rather than see you die. Because to me that is worse than death itself. I have lost everyone I ever cared about…Carver…Bethany…my mother-“Hawke’s breath caught in her throat and tears brimmed her eyes. 

She shook her head, as if the thoughts weren’t real that she was continuously living some sort of nightmare. She closed her eyes while her jaw clenched. She opened her eyes and looked back to him. All signs of her tears had vanished. 

“You’re the only constant and solid person I have left. So, yes. If I chose to make the selfish decision to kill myself to save you I would do it million times over. I love you so much that it burns me from the inside out to see you trying to clean up all the shit I did. I can’t have you bear that weight anymore.” 

 

Had he been so oblivious to this? Had he never noticed the inner turmoil of trying to take away her pain did to her? It was the right thing to do, he couldn’t possibly let Hawke take the backlash. She had saved Kirkwall and then was chased by the Seekers. He had to let her vanish and let her heal so he took on the responsibility to take care of everything because had been through enough and…

He gave a low groan in defeat. Hawke had proved her point, if there was anyone that understood what she had been thinking it was him. He had done the same thing for her. He had protected her from all the pain and shielded her from all of this shit and she knew it was her turn to face it, to put herself in front of the whip. 

He couldn’t protect her all the time and somehow something told him that he knew that. That it was a matter of time before she stepped up and took charge…being the leader she had always been. That’s what she was doing in the Fade. She had put him first and knew that the only way things would stop was if she took a hero’s death. 

Varric crouched down at the bank of the spring, avoiding Hawke’s raised eyebrows. He hated when she managed to prove that she was right. Maker, why did he have to love such an insufferable woman? Hawke cautiously waded herself toward him. The water wafted around her ribcage as she paddled to him. She came up and caught one of the hands he had on his knees making him look at her. 

“I will never stop fighting for you—for us. I’m just terrified of losing you because if I do I’ll lose everything I had ever fought for.” 

An insufferable woman with a brave heart complex. 

Andraste damn him. He hated it when she used that soft tone as if he was the one to be comforted. He didn’t face death in the shape of a huge fucking spider. But…he did face the true possibility of losing her forever this time. 

“If you…even think of doing anymore stupid shit like that, I’ll kill you myself.” He sighed. He couldn’t stay mad at her nor could he argue with her because it would have been all for naught. Maker, he loved her so much that it ached. He caught her hand and placed his lips on her palm. Her eyes fluttered closed and opened again. 

“Are you saying that you’re forbidding me from being a champion?” She teased. 

“Definitely but you also haven't seen the scariest thing yet." 

Hawke cocked an eyebrow at him which just make him smirk to himself. “What would that be?” She whispered, draping her wet arms over his legs. Varric noted that she looked like a siren the, her short black hair slicked back, her plump lips reddened by the cold air and her mesmerizing eyes burning into his brain. And by the Maker, would she be the death of him. 

He leaned in, smirk still on his face as he watched her eyes closed and a happy hum come from her mouth. He observed each individual feature of her face. Yes, this would be the woman he’d gladly wake up to every morning for the rest of his life. 

“You’ll just have to stay long enough to find out.” He whispered, his lips grazing above hers right before he stood up and grasped a dry cloth for her have to dry off.

Hawke looked at the cloth and then at him before one shit-eating grin split across her face. He watched as she dipped her body into the warm water and slid off her chest band and flung that plus her smallclothes onto the nearest rock. 

“This water is quite warm…” she said as her hands played with the water. 

“Mm.” He hummed, keeping his face neutral but he only had so much self-control. And Hawke was playing with it while she dipped her body back, exposing her chest to him. 

“And you look very cold.” She said paddling her way to him. If he didn’t know how to swim he would have been stark naked in front of her and already claiming her mouth. Truthfully, he was trying to not be persuaded to get into the hot spring. Dwarves were hulky, he’d probably sink before he learned to float. 

“You know I can’t swim, desire demon.” He teased giving her a wink, leaning down with the towel in his hand. She was so irresistable right now that sh could probably persuade a fish it could breath without water. Hawke swam up to him and caught the towel before flinging it behind him. Her fingers gently traced up his stomach and chest, catching onto his necklace before she gently pulled down. 

Her lips ghosted across his, making his objections fly out of his head. She looked up into his eyes while a coy a smiled danced on her lips. He was hypnotized by these lips. She traced her tongue along her bottom lip, she was playing with him. She was testing him to see how long before it would take before he took the bait. 

“I can teach you.” She whispered with a voice so sultry that he was already taking off his clothes to join her. He’d fallen for the bait and she was reeling him in. She stepped back and watched him remove each article of clothing before he slowly slid into the water. The water came up to his neck where it had only reached around her ribcage. Damn her for being a human. 

He touched the bottom the spring where rocks greeted his feet and he sighed in relief that he wasn’t in immediate danger of drowning. He was also in the process of damning Hawke and her long legs before he felt one of them slowly slide up his leg and catch around his hips, pulling him in. 

Her breath ghosted along his ear, drawing goosebumps along his skin and his hair on the back of his neck to raise on end. He felt her breasts press up against his chest, her heart hammering against him. He reached out, sliding his hand along her long leg before tightening the grip of her leg on his hip. He dipped his head and caught her lips. 

His body exploded with fire and tingles as her body melted into his grip. Maker, he had never been so happy to have this woman alive and in…somewhat one piece. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as her tongue slid across his lower lip, an invitation. 

He leaned back, his teeth catching her bottom lip and tugging gently. Hawke whimpered in his mouth and bent her head back. Her eyes were dark…clouded with desire and it didn’t take him long before he matched the same level of arousal as her. 

“Make love to me, Varric.” She whispered on his lips. 

She didn’t have to ask twice.


	20. High-Tailing It In Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Varric make it back to Skyhold and celebrate being alive while also causing trouble in Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the wait! And also thanks for all the reviews and kudos! <3

Varric had practically swung Hawke over his shoulders and high-tailed it back to Skyhold. Everyone was so busy celebrating their victory at Adamant that they paid no heed to two rogues sprinting around the battlements. Hawke had beaten him to his quarters and right before he could get a hand on the handle to the door and arm caught him and spun him to around. 

He blinked several times, his eyes adjusting to the light in front of him. Before him Kali stood, her arms crossed and one eyebrow raised. The recognized the look to be irritation but he felt like he was being scolded by his mother. 

“I told you the water would rouse her. Do tell me, did you dunk her head under for longer than thirty seconds?” 

Varric tried looking for the forked tongue out of her mouth from her hissing at him. She was still seething with anger from Hawke’s death stunt and he wished that he could shove Hawke in front of him to take the brunt of her endless rage. 

“Hey, Killer. Here’s a CRAZY thought, why don’t you go down to the tavern and party with everyone?” 

Kali blinked at him, unfazed. “You act like I don’t ever do things for fun.” 

Varric threw his head back and laughed, maybe harder than he realized. Kali’s idea of fun was reading or beheading any practice dummies with Cassandra. There was only a few ideas he could conjure up for her to have some fun before they were thrown back into the fray. 

“Killing things and making children cry aren’t considered fun.” He said. Kali opened her mouth to obviously argue with him until an Inquisition messenger ran up to them. She was huffing and her cheeks were red as if she had sprinted from wherever she was last. 

“Inquisitor, Commander Cullen is going over war techniques in his quarters. He said you’d be interested in what he has in store for the soldiers.” 

Varric turned his head back to Kali. Immediately, he noticed the red color that rose to her cheeks and then a smile that formed on her mouth. She nodded at the messenger and turned back to Varric to which he greeted her with a mischievous smile. 

“As I was saying. I do have fun-“ 

“Yeah, yeah. Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He said waving his hand over his head and left the Inquisitor on the battlements. When he opened the door he was expecting Hawke to be face down in his bed and snoring heavily. 

Maker was he so wrong. 

Hawke stood in the entryway, wearing nothing but one of Varric’s dusters. He would have laughed at how short it was on her but the way it curved around her chest and was low enough to cover her hips made any witty commentary fly out the door. 

“You know I always wondered what it would feel like slipping into one of your signature dusters.” She said almost casually like she was playing a game of dress up. However, the undertone of her voice was nearly dripping with seduction. Varric smirked.

He stepped forward, locking the door as his eyes trailed up and down her long legs and frame. He came up nearly a foot away from her. He leaned back on his heels and tracing his thumb over his bottom lip. He let his eyes wander up and over her hips to where her breast were being hidden with his coat and then to her eyes which were nearly black from want. 

“If I saw you wearing it any earlier, I wouldn’t have any self-control.” He said closing the space between them. 

“Is that so?” She purred, drawing him in. 

His arms slid around her waist, his breath coming right above her breasts. Hawke leaned her head back and whimpered once his hand slid between the coat and up her stomach. A chill ran down his spine when he heard her gasp. Quickly he popped the two buttons that held everything together and her breasts sprung free. 

Her buds pebbled from the coat air and from desire. His hand slid up and caught one breast, rolling one nipple between his thumb and forefinger gently. With her head still drawn back a moan escaped her lips. Varric had one goal in his head at the time and he wanted to see her chest heaving from pleasure. 

He—finally—had time to make her writhe and beg for him like he wanted. Like he needed. Time had been of the essence between them. It was either they had the world crumbling at their feet or bad news was going to strike. He didn’t want to think about later though, he had her in the now and that was all he asked for. 

He wanted to savor this moment—and her—for as long as he was given. 

Varric’s mouth covered the other breast while a gasp came from Hawke’s mouth. Her hands slid up to his arms as he flicked his tongue over the hardened nub. Hawke let out a moan and Varric’s groin throbbed painfully in his smallclothes. 

He released her breast from his mouth with a pop and met her lust-filled eyes. Varric nearly yanked his duster off her arms and let it fall to the floor. He grinned at her before she gently tugged the lapels of his duster toward his bed. 

Varric followed, feeling like he was imagining things. But when she laid down across the bed and opened her legs for him all his concerns melted. She still had one of his hands. Upon seeing his gawking Hawke yanked him to come between her legs where she caught his lips with hers. 

He groaned in her mouth feeling her warmth grind against his leathers. His hands slid up and grasped his wrists before pinning them above her head. Hawke’s tongue met his just as her legs hooked around his hips, locking him in place. She lifted her hips once more and grinded down a little more slowly, feeling his chest rumble with a groan. 

“You’re awful.” He said against her lips. Hawke laughed and raised his head to meet hers. She swept her tongue along her bottom lip, making Varric’s eyes bounce from her lips to her eyes. The great debate of where he would start first on her body has ensued in his head. 

“And you’re a tease. You know how I prefer you to be naked.” She said in such a way that Varric was already scrambling to take off his clothes. Hawke leaned up off the bed with her legs still wrapped around Varric’s hips. She laid a hand on his chest, big green eyes staring into his while she brought her mouth down to his neck. 

Varric sucked in some air feeling her tongue and teeth scrape along his jawline and neck. He looked up to the ceiling, praying to Andraste to let him last. Hawke’s fingers surged up and tucked themselves into the shoulders of his coat right before they slid the coat off of him. Varric rolled his head back towards Hawke. The duster hit the floor landing right next to the other that Hawke wore. 

Hawke’s hands slipped down his sides and caught the hem of his tunic, pulling it up and over his head. Her eyes were still dark with desire, she held her bottom lip between her teeth in eagerness. He smiled as he tossed his tunic behind him and caught her lips. She whimpered into his mouth and ran her fingers through his chest hair. 

“I told you, the women love the chest hair.” He growled on her mouth. He felt her smile against his lips as she arched her chest up to meet his and pull the band from his hair. Varric’s hair fell to his shoulders, he felt Hawke’s fingers run through the hair. She played with a strand between her fingers and gave a smile. 

“There’s a lot of things I love about you. The chest hair is just a benefit of it.” She winked. Varric’s self-control snapped and he quickly leaned and caught her lips. He swallowed her gasp and climbed on top of her, kicking his boots and pants off in the process. He fit right between her legs while his tongue stormed into her mouth. 

Hawke’s tongue met against him, dancing with his. Varric pressed his hips into the apex of her thighs, drawing a moan from Hawke. He separated his lips from hers and let his tongue slide down her neck. Her hips were arched against his, grinding so painfully against his. He slipped a hand between them as his finger found the bundle of nerves. 

Hawke threw her head back and moaned. Varric’s eyes nearly rolled back into his head, she was soaking wet against his fingers. Aching for his touch his fingers dropped to her slick folds, sliding between them and watched as she gripped the sheets. 

Varric pressed his tongue and lips along her neck, to her collarbone and to the space between her breasts. He felt her hips arch and grind against his hand, begging for more. He slid his middle finger into her, growling once he heard her sigh happily. 

He worked his fingers into her, pressing into just the spots that made her eyebrows furrow and moan his name. His mouth kissed her stomach to the top of her sex and then he pressed his tongue along her slit. Hawke arched her back and moaned, her hands gripping his hair. He ran his tongue along her slit, stopping at the bundle of nerves. He pressed his tongue against it, speeding up his pace. 

“Varric!” Hawke said through gritted teeth. He felt her tightening around his fingers now, she was close but he wanted to torture as long as he could. He slid his fingers out of her sex and licked them clean while maintaining eye contact with her. 

Her green eyes were nearly hidden beneath her dilated pupils when she leaned up to look at him. Her forehead crumpled into a glare. Varric chuckled against her thighs, teasing her was so much better than giving in to her desires. 

“I want to hear you beg for it,” he growled, meeting her eyes. 

Her eyes narrowed, “you already know that I want it.” 

“Do I?” He whispered, bringing one leg over his shoulder and letting his tongue flick across her aching center. Hawke’s breath shifted to uneasy, her eyes rolled back in desire. He pulled back once more, raising an eyebrow to her. 

“Tell me you want it, Hawke. Tell me you need it.” He growled into her sex. Hawke’s head dropped back and her mouth went slack. She gripped the sheets next to her sides. He pressed his mouth to her clit again letting his tongue press down on the bundles. Hawke slammed her hands on the mattress and rolled her head to him. She blinked pleading eyes at him. 

“Fuck me, Varric. I need you. Maker, I want you so badly.” She begged. That was all it took for him to stand up and wiggle his way out of his smallclothes. He’d been wanting to touch her since he entered the room. The desire to have her made him ache and the way she leaned up, her legs sliding up the sides of his thighs before meeting around his hips made him utter a growl. 

Hawke quirked a brow at him, “good enough for you?” Varric swallowed thickly and nodded before climbing on top of her. He was at a loss of words when it came to thinking of other positions to have her in. Height difference damn him. He knew it was a learning curve and he had an excellent mentor. Hawke slid a hand up to his chest, stopping him from making any decisions. 

“Make love to me like you did in Crestwood.” She purred. Her voice made goosebumps rise along his skin and back. He chose to ignore the shiver that ran down his spine. She was a damning woman but Maker he was willing to do anything she asked when she had him in a vulnerable position. 

Of course this didn’t stop him from cracking a smirk at her. He obliged her command and twisted their bodies on the bed. Hawke’s long legs spread before him. He tightened the leash to his control when her heat pressed against his groin. The contact alone made them both groan. Varric clenched his jaw before sliding one leg underneath her calve and then the undersides of her thighs. 

He made eye contact with her as soon as he propped her leg over his shoulder and slid his hip forehead. His cock grinded against her folds, Hawke let out a gasp and her grip on the sheets tightened. She bit her lip down and watched as Varric grinded against her once more. 

“By the Maker!” She said exasperatedly before arching her hips halfway and he slid in. Hawke’s eyes rolled back and she smirked. Varric planted his hands on the sides of her body and cursed her mentally for being so damn impatient. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of her knee. This was right before he slid out and rammed into her again.   
Varric groaned, moving his hips at more alarmingly faster rate. It could have been that he was harboring anger towards her for her decision or that he was so damn turned on. His body could turn into ash and the world could threaten to break apart and he would only concentrate on bringing himself closer to hi climax. 

He switched up his pace and pulled Hawke’s hips up making her gasp in surprise. He had her legs wrapped around his hips. The angle had her clawing at his shoulders and chest. The way he had her made him thrust deeper, hitting a spot that made Hawke throw her head back. She was a panting mess beneath him and he’d never seen such a better sight. Was he just trying to see if she could scream? He didn’t know for sure but the thought made him grin. 

“Wh-why are you grinning like that?” She whimpered, hips arching against his thrusts. Varric raised his body, he leaned back on his knees and drew her in more. He grasped her hips, thumbs rubbing over the bone there. Hawke’s eyes were half-closed in pleasure, it almost made him NOT to reveal his devilish plans. He thrust the spot again and her squeal got louder. 

“I think I just found the challenge of the night.” He murmured. Hawke’s eyes opened and narrowed at him. He could have hesitated the plan seeing that her hooded eyes had lit up at the sound of a challenge. But he still had the upper hand and he was going to use it. He let one hand slide between them, his thumb tracing over the bundle of nerves. 

Hawke’s back arched and his pace stuttered. He’d felt that stroke from his head to his toes. She smirked back at him, her bottom lip still trapped between her teeth. He groaned above her, having her legs wrapped around him still gave him the upper hand. However, it was short-lived when Hawke arched her back against him, hips rolling into his thrust. 

If he knew this is what human sex felt like---or having sex with Hawke was like he would have had her all those years ago. He was panting now, his climax raising over him. But damn it all, he was going to have Hawke screaming by the time they were both through. She was close, her walls contracted around him nearly pinning him in place. 

Hawke’s hips rolled up to meet his thrust and this time his body erupted in tingles. He groaned loudly and looked to Hawke. Her head was thrown back in desire, one hand clutching her breast and the other between them. She was moaning frantically—pushing herself to reach her climax. Varric growled and hit deeply this time. 

Hawke’s thrusts stuttered as her whole body went nearly went rigid. Hawke threw a hand out to Varric’s shoulder before she pulled him back on top of her. Her legs crossed at his back and he hit another angle, this time he watched as her climax crashed over her. A moan—nearly as loud as the one he was expected surpassed her lips. 

Varric nearly grinned in triumph, if it wasn’t for his own climax crashing onto him so suddenly that he didn’t have enough time to prepare himself. He bit into Hawke’s shoulder and growled into the bite while her walls clamped around him. He spilled his seed into her as he nearly shook from the force of their climax. 

They laid there for a few minutes catching their breaths. Varric had waited until he’d gone soft inside her to fall next to her. They stared at the ceiling both their bodies humming in satisfaction. Hawke turned her head toward Varric where he met her gaze. 

“You’re such a little shit.” She grinned. Varric returned the smile and soon both of them had erupted into a fit of laughter. Varric had wondered how far her little scream had traveled within Skyhold and he definitely hoped Tiny heard. It would give him something to boast about to the Qunari and maybe to Sera since she was so smitten with Hawke. 

“But I’m your little shit and you love me anyways.” He said with a wink. He remembered that moment after her battle with the Arishok. He’d believed he actually lost her that day but life was cruel to dangle Hawke’s life in front of him. She had more than enough near death experiences and he was quite positive he was done living through them. 

“That is very true.” She said rolling onto her side and into his arms. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the bliss and enjoyed the fact that he had her alive in his arms. He wouldn’t share this moment for anything. If there was any memory he cherished with Hawke—this was one he cherished most. 

~

It had been hours later when he was roused from his sleep to a knocking on his door. He rubbed his eyes and looked to where Hawke slept peacefully beside him. He was instantly transported back to the times she had slept with him at the Hanged Man. 

Only this time she was very much naked and he was the reason of it. Her legs wrapped with his while she had one arm tucked under her pillow, one hand had been on his chest until it slid from him sitting up at the knocking. The knocking continued, making him angry at whoever decided to ruin his moment with Hawke. 

He slid out of his bed and grabbed the nearest pair of pants and shrugging them over hips before he came to the door. He swore on the Maker that he’d kill whoever dared to do this. Opening the door he looked up to see Cassandra standing at the door. At the sight of seeing him shirtless, her face paled and then an embarrassed blush crept along her neck and cheeks. 

“V-Varric, I-I came by to ask if y-you knew where I-I could find Hawke,” she stammered. He opened his mouth to give her a remark about it until he felt Hawke’s chest press against his back and her arms wrap around his shoulders. 

“Varric, why did you leave-“ Hawke went silent seeing Cassandra standing there. Cassandra’s face paled of any color seeing that the infamous champion had nothing none except one of his tunics on and that barely covered her bare legs. 

“Oh, Maker.” Hawke hissed. 

“Hawke, I don’t think I’ve introduced you to the Seeker. She’s the one that interrogated me about you.” He said calmly watching recognition flicker across her features. Hawke’s face split into a grin. 

“Varric, you told me she was terrifying but you failed to mention that she was terrifyingly beautiful.” Hawke flirted, making him roll his eyes. It would have been the perfect opportunity to mimic one of Cassandra’s disgusted groans. 

Hawke’s weakness was always pretty, strong-willed women. If it was possible, Cassandra could have erupted in fire at that very second. He had to bite his tongue down to suppress the laughter that was trying to come past his lips. 

“I-I-I have to go. If you’ll excuse me,” Cassandra then shoved some papers into Varric’s hands and turned stormed out from the hallway and back into Skyhold’s main hall. Varric closed the door pressing his back against it and erupted into laughter. 

“She’s going to kill me after you leave,” he said howling with laughter. Hawke shook her head laughing along with him before she took her place back in his bed. She sat on her legs playing with her tendrils that turned up in nearly every direction. He was reminded of the day that she had spent the night after an argument with her mother. 

That was so long ago. Things were so much more different now…they were different. Whether it was better or for worse, he couldn’t make heads or tails. He took it as something that was better—like a gift he didn’t dare want to return or share with the world. 

He remembered that day as the day he had first realized he loved her. That love he felt…it was so simplistic…so young. Now, as he stared at her he knew that it had evolved. Growing into something that was beyond words to describe. It was maddening, consuming and life changing. It had grown to be so much more the first night he laid with her. His feelings were strong, overwhelming and terrifying. But he handled it because she was worth it. That drowning in these feelings made going crazy absolutely worth it. 

Hawke had raised an eyebrow at his staring, “what are you staring at?” She asked. 

Varric’s smile grew. “Not staring, I’m admiring.” A blush crept up Hawke’s neck and cheeks. He loved seeing her embarrassed. He made his way to the bed and realized he was still clutching the paper in his hand. The letter was addressed to Hawke. 

They gave each other looks before she ripped the seal, pursing her lips in thought as her eyes scanned each wording before she flipped the paper over and read the last of the letter. 

“It’s an update from Bethany…she says that she no longer hears the Calling and is returning to Weisshaupt.” She said, her voice just barely balancing on the end of unsteady. 

“You should be sounding a lot happier.” 

Hawke chewed on her lip and looked up from the note. “I have to go with her—to Weisshaupt. I have to go inform the Wardens of Corypheus’s treachery so they don’t fall into his clutches. I have to finish what Stroud started.” She sighed, releasing her grip on her lower lip. 

“After I just got you back?” He protested, taking a seat next to her on the bed. He was so selfish. How could he not have expected that Hawke was going to be swept away when danger came knocking? He had to let her go too and he wished he didn’t have to. 

Hawke’s hand caught his chin and made him look at her. She gave him a tender smile, the kind that made his blood pump in his ears and made him remember exactly why he wanted to steal her away from the world. 

“Once, this handsome, charismatic dwarf told me that our story wasn’t finished—that the world will always tear us apart and do you know what he did?” 

He had remembered it like it was yesterday. It haunted him for months after he sent her away to go investigate the Red Lyrium and run from the Seekers. It nearly broke him in half watching her sail away but circumstances tore them apart and only had so many options. His biggest regret was not going with her and finding their happy ending and now it was slipping after his grasp again. 

“Punched himself in the face?” He grumbled, his heart beginning to hum once she gave a laugh. 

“No, he let me go my own way because he knew we’d come back together like we always do. It’ll just take some more time.” 

“Ugh. I hate it when you use my words against me.” He groaned before Hawke wrapped her legs around his hips. 

“I’ll come back to you. I always do.” She said placing her forehead against his. 

“Maker help me. You better.” 

~

The wind howled in Hawke’s ears while she stood on the bridge leading out of Skyhold. Her hair was whipped to the side of her face where Varric’s hair just flew by gracefully. Andraste damn the man for having a good head of hair. She wasn’t ready to leave and that she would never be ready to leave him. 

“Remember to write me, you nug-humper.” Hawke teased drawing out a laugh from Varric. The first since she’d begun to pack up her things. He turned to look to the mountains next time, where she would soon be hiking in. 

“It’s not me that you have to worry about,” he said casting a glance her way. Hawke sheepishly raised her hands. 

“Did you forget that you have a whole network of spies at your disposal?” 

“No, I’m just expecting you to write me if you want any juicy details of the commander.” Varric teased. Hawke groaned in defeat. She was a glutton for gossip and Varric was very good at finding gossip. 

“I’ll write you every time I hit a town or village. I’ll give you updates on Weisshaupt…I also have to tell Bethany of us.” 

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll just love that.” He grinned at her. He missed Bethany, she was definitely the more reserved Hawke sister. Nonetheless, it didn’t stop her from making any thing shitting bricks from her magic abilities. 

“Indeed. She’s probably going to send you a strongly worded letter and then threaten your life three times, hopefully.” 

He could see the uncertainty on her face. The ground between Hawke and Bethany was still shaken and cracked. The divide had run too deep once Bethany was sent on with the Wardens. But Hawke couldn’t stomach losing another sibling, not after everything she had already lost. It was a crack that needed to be tended and then inched back together. 

“She’s going to be glad to see you, Chuckles. Just use make all those horrible jokes that she hates and you two will be chummy in no time.” 

“My jokes are not horrible! That’s how you gave me my nickname.” 

Varric lowered his gaze at her, in disbelief. They were quite atrocious jokes, things that you’d find in a book or hear two drunkards tell one another. Bethany despised them for their punchlines but it didn’t stop the mage from cracking a smile. 

“They ARE horrible and as far as nicknames go, I’m still trying to figure out a better one for you.” 

“You’ve been calling me Chuckles for years. I would despair if you called me anything but.” 

He smiled faintly but silence soon befell between them and they had realized that their time had run out. When he looked up, Hawke was now staring out into the mountains. Varric came up to her and grasped her hand, thumb stroking her knuckles before he grazed his lips over them. 

Hawke’s breath caught in her throat and tears stung her eyes. She blinked them away before giving Varric a quick kiss on the mouth. 

“I love you, Varric. Also, stay alive long enough for me to return, yes?” Hawke said giving him a smile. 

“I love you too, Chuckles.” He said back. He watched her walk away from Skyhold. His heart thumped painfully against his chest. Varric stood there until Hawke’s body was no longer visible and nothing but the wind was separating him. He stood there a moment longer and rubbed his neck before turning back to Skyhold. 

It was time to finish all this shit.


	21. Correspondents Between Two Assholes...and Sunshine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Varric keeping in touch after she left to Weisshaupt and reunited with her sister.

Chuckles,   
All this shit with Corypheus is so backwards.   
He can possess anything that’s connected to the Blight.   
How’s it faring on your end?   
-Varric

 

Varric,   
Well, that’s utterly disgusting.   
I’ve reached Weisshaupt.   
Needless to say it’s less than welcoming here.   
-Chuckles

 

Chuckles,   
Thank Andraste’s buttcheeks I can’t dream because I’d have nightmares of this shit.   
Have you thought that maybe you’re not the most welcoming person?   
You’re the harbinger of bad news.   
-Varric

 

Varric,   
Ah. I would trade anything to not have nightmares of the Fade or of Kirkwall...or of anything.   
On the contrary, I am a DELIGHT to be around.   
Yes, yes. But I’m afraid you’re stuck with me. What a pity.   
-Harbinger of bad news 

 

Chuckles,   
I’d trade anything to not deal with all this bullshit.   
Two words: Delightfully terrifying.  
Wouldn’t have it any other way.   
-Varric

 

Varric,   
I’ve finally told Bethany about us. I think she’s still trying to wrap her head around it.   
I’ll update you if her mind explodes.   
Also, you’re an ass.   
-Chuckles

 

Chuckles,   
Shit, that makes two of us.   
Also, I managed to tease Curly on his little crush   
It lasted about five glorious minutes before our Inquisitor came after me   
-Varric 

 

Varric,   
Do tell me, is she less scary when Cullen finally got that stick out of her arse?   
And more importantly, does she still hate me?   
Tell that Seeker that I’m thinking of her.  
-Chuckles

 

Chuckles,  
Actually, if anything she found motivation to kick Corypheus’s ass.   
Oh, you bet. I haven’t seen the steam stop coming out of her ears since Adamant.   
Shall I step out of the way of your new romance?   
-Varric

 

Varric,   
Oh, Maker. Someone get that woman laid.   
Well, there goes my idea of inviting her to play strip Wicked Grace   
If you must. But I do like the idea of having a third member in our party.   
Also, Bethany has attached a letter. She told me she’d kill me if I read it.   
-Chuckles

 

Varric,   
My sister has informed me that you two are now…intimate.   
I don’t know whether I should make this letter threatening or applaud you for actually bedding my sister. She’s been needing it since we first arrived in Kirkwall. But I digress. I believe that this is something she’d been waiting for. I can’t think of anyone that would be perfect for her. She’s been happier, she sleeps almost through the night now. I can see the weight that had been on her has finally ceased. I do believe it’s from your doing. I thank you for helping her…she wouldn’t have survived this long without you. Maker knows that I wouldn’t have.   
But if you end up doing something to her that hurts her? I will flay your balls of your body and make them your eyeballs.   
I think Carver would have been proud of that threat. With that, I must take my leave.   
Stay safe, Varric. I hope to see you both very soon.   
Bethany 

 

Chuckles,   
No.   
Absolutely not.   
Over my dead body.   
-Varric 

Sunshine,   
I wouldn’t dare cross the infamous Hawke sisters.   
or just you in general.   
-V.T. 

Chuckles,   
It’s time to take down Corypheus.   
I hope that he’s dead by the time you get this  
And also I hope that I’M not dead.   
-Varric 

VARRIC,   
VARRIC TETHRAS IF YOU DIED ON THAT FLOATING MOUNTAIN TOP I'LL BLOODY HURT YOU.   
I’M FINDING THE NECROMANCER AND BLOOD MAGE.   
-HAWKE

Chuckles,   
Release your prisoners, beautiful.   
I’m still kicking around Thedas  
And I’m going home. I hope to see you there. 

Varric,   
Can’t wait.   
-Yours


	22. Kirkwall's Naughtiest Viscount

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke returns to Kirkwall with Weisshaupt and has made some life-changing realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drag me for loving my fluff

Hawke stood in the pouring rain avoiding all contact with the gates that led into the Keep. She held Varric’s recent letters in her hand. She hadn’t written to him in the few months he’d been back from the Inquisition. Truth be told, she needed some space for the time being. Which was ironic considering that before the events of the Breach she hated her singular lifestyle.

However, she finally felt that she could breathe without danger lurking around the corner. She needed time to assure herself that this wasn’t some crazy illusion that she conjured up. She’d told Bethany plenty of times to check her vitals in case she did have a psychotic break. She kept waiting for the shoe to drop or for some sort of crazed darkspawn, Arch-demon or a sword-slinging Qunari to come in and crash this happy moment of hers.

But nothing came out of the corner and threatened to break apart the world. For the first time in her life she had felt…relieved. Which why it was so damn hard for her to go through those damn doors. She was afraid that once she breached those doors all the happiness would disappear and she’d sink inside herself once again. She didn’t want that, she knew that Varric definitely didn’t want it but what in the Maker’s name was she supposed to think?

She had come this far. She walked down a path that was filled with crazy Templars, demons, mages and just all around group of people who hated her. She used to love the mercenary life, chasing down kills and boasting about them. She loved being free and being her own person. Hawke knew if she saw her previous self that she’d definitely slit her throat. She’d once said that she’d rather eat metal than live a life in safety.

Now, it was ALL that she wanted. She was done running away from everything and bracing for impact when the world came crumbling down. It was time for her to hang up the title of being Champion and just learn to be herself again…and Maker did that ever scare the ever-loving shit out of her. She’d grown into this lifestyle of saving the world and saving everyone else.

She’d sunk her own needs and her own wants so far down the rabbit hole that she wasn’t sure if she could find them. That was quickly solved when she’d made the quick decision to lay with Varric. He’d managed to show her that her inner war required peace.

She’d grown so far apart from who she used to be. She wanted used to want freedom, to become a savior but that lifestyle just led to heartaches that never actually left and nightmares that plagued her subconscious. She had to shelf being the champion. The idea of having the rest of her life being beside Varric tempted more than any desire demon could.

Hawke suddenly wondered why she stood out in the rain and spent time arguing with herself. The answer was clear, she had to go beyond the intimidating doors and go find the ending too her story. She swallowed the closing arguments and pushed through the doors.

Hawke wasn’t aiming for a dramatic entrance but as soon as the doors groaned open lightning had struck and illuminated only Hawke in the Keep. The people that had been on the main floor had paled in color when she came in. Hawke wagered that she looked less than appealing to the public eye while rain fell off her plated armor.

She flashed a charismatic smile and nearly ran up the stairs. She paused to turn her head toward the guard barracks. Aveline would tear her a new one if she didn’t go show herself but then again she did have to spend time with Bethany per her request. Hawke left Aveline to enjoy the silence in the Keep before things were to hit the ceiling as soon as she reclaimed her home.

Hawke smirked to herself and went toward the Viscount Quarters. Seneschal Bran greeted her in the hallway with a grimace and held up a hand to stop her from breaching Varric’s quarters.

“The Viscount is currently busy-“

Hawke walked directly passed him before she gave him an obscene gesture with her hand. “Shove it, Bran.” She warned before bursting through the doors to Varric’s office. It was quiet for the first few seconds when she came in. Only the sounds of the rain hitting the window and then the calming sound of a quill scratching paper. It was like music to her ears.

“Did you have an appointment?” Varric’s voice filled her ears. Her heart rammed into her rib cage and she could feel her cheeks warm once Varric lifted his eyes from the paper in front of him. It had been only three months but did it feel like years. He wore his crown with dignity. The crown almost outweighed the sex appeal of his chest hair…almost.

“The Champion of Kirkwall doesn’t have to make appointments.” She stated, flashing him a smirk his way. The corners of Varric’s mouth twitched and he placed his quill back into its inkpot. Were they going to play a game of who would combust first? Hawke knew she would but she liked to act like she was winning first.

“Is that who you are? The name is escaping from my memory...” he trailed off but then raised his hand and grinned at her. “Ah, wait. I remember now. You’re known to be affiliated with that handsome Varric Tethras.”

“Oh, I say that he and I are more than just affiliated with each other.” Hawke said coming to his desk and running a finger around the front where she walked to the side of his desk. Varric’s eyes traveled down her figure and then back to the green in her eyes.

“Are you sure about that?”

“I’m willing to stake my life on it.” Hawke said before sliding herself into Varric’s lap. His brown eyes warmed as soon as her hand went up his chest to cup his cheek. She could have melted into a pile of ash at just that gaze alone. He tutted at her and Hawke became aware of the snipping of her self-control.

“Do you know what the people would say about if they saw their viscount fratnernizing with the Champion of Kirkwall?”

Hawke caught the lapels of his duster and yanked him close to her mouth. She pressed her chest against his and let her eyes wander over every bit of his face. She’d never been so happy to have him in this moment. It was pure bliss.

“They would say it’s about damn time.” She whispered before crushing her lips to his. Her body nearly burst into pieces once she felt the familiar fire burning into her belly. Varric had kissed her back a second later, claiming her mouth with his. She felt her back touch his desk as he bent over her.

Hawke let out a laugh before pressing a hand to his chest to stop them before they could go any further. She chose to ignore all the thoughts that screamed in protest once her lips were released from Varric’s mouth. His eyes had been dark, hooded with desire once she pulled them apart.

“Careful. We don’t want to scandalize Bran.” She whispered against Varric’s lips. He growled in disapproval and brought his head back to look at her.

“You didn’t write me. I was about to resort myself to sending spies after you.”

“Ah, yes. Sorry about the disappearance, it gets hard to write back when you’re trying to navigate out of Thedas’ arsehole.”

Varric rolled her eyes at her sarcasm. “It’s no excuse, what took you so damn long?”

Hawke sighed and slid herself out of his lap and onto his desk. Varric placed his hands on her thighs, thumbs grazing across the divide between her thighs. He was testing her and she wasn’t going to break, no matter how badly she wanted to. Damn the dwarf.

“I just had to do some thinking on my own. I needed to reassure myself that I hadn’t been imagining this whole thing, especially the part where we scandalized Seeker Pentaghast.” She sighed. There were days—usually the days she had horrific nightmares—that she wished she’d dreamed all of it. But then there were moments with Varric that made all of it worthwhile.

“Oh, trust me. You didn’t dream that part up, I have the letters of her insulting me to prove it.” Varric chuckled. It was true, he had at least six letters that described in great detail of what a horrible person he was. He kept them close, he couldn’t just forget the Seeker after all they’ve been through.

Varric rose out of his seat and placed his hands on either sides of her hips and leaned up toward her mouth. Hawke felt her heart race kick up once face nuzzled into her neck, her skin rose up in goosebumps as soon as she felt the scruff on his face scratch her neck.

“Besides, I highly doubt you could hallucinate us having sex.” He growled into her skin. Hawke swallowed thickly. She had self-control, it was a small amount but it was still enough to know that she shouln’t be having dirty thoughts.

“I’ve imagined doing shameful things with you before…it wouldn’t be any different.” She said but by the Maker she was going to start praying that he would prove her wrong. He laughed sending shivers up her spine. Did she hear another string of her self-control snap? Or was she hearing things?

“Hm. Maybe we could fix that.”

“Shouldn’t you be caring about Kirkwall? Or doing hard tasks that require your assistance?” She asked raising an eyebrow. She was simply teasing but when she felt his tease graze her skin she had completely forgot about playing around with him.

“I have something hard that requires YOUR assistance.” He growled into her neck. Varric pounced on her then, he pressed her shoulders gently so she laid back onto his desk. He climbed over her, his legs resting between hers.  
If Hawke had a list of the weirdest places she had sex this moment would be take the top spot. Crestwood took a solid second. Hawke looked up at his crown, she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. Then, she lifted her hands to take off his crown and he smiled from above her.

“There. There’s the man I love.” She whispered. She tucked a stray hair behind his ear and grinned up at him. She had missed him more than ever after she left Skyhold. She had hoped that things would be calmer when she’d returned but only Varric would get elected as Viscount.

“So, what happens next?” She asked.

“Well, I’m going to try and attempt having dirty sex with a human on top of a desk-“

She slapped his arm and he chuckled. “What’s next for us?”

Varric pursed his lips and then tilted his head down to look at her. “Did I tell you that I figured out a new nickname for you?”

She rolled her eyes at him. He was dodging the question and it irked her that he did. She had been kicking herself with questions for the past three months and now Varric was dodging them all together. Was he actually trying to break her mentally?

“You’re dodging the question while you’re STILL on top of me.”

“You’re vulnerable when you’re pinned beneath me. Now, would you like to know your new nickname?” He asked, his eyebrow raised in a challenge.

Andraste’s dimpled buttcheeks, she was going to go mad. He was right about her being vulnerable but rather than arguing with him about vulnerable positions and him avoiding questions she indulged him. However, she didn’t want to tell him that she was rather curious on her nickname.

“What’s my new nickname? She sighed loudly. When would Bran actually be brave enough to open the doors? She figured that once she flipped him off and told him to shove it that he’d be too offended to move. Or, that he had run to go get Aveline to throw her out of his offices but then she’d tell Bran to shove it too.

“Tethras.” He said smiling proudly.

Hawke furrowed her brows in confusion. “Well, that’s unoriginal. That’s your last name-“ the rest of her sentence immediately died on her lips once realization struck her in the face.

Oh, shit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters until this series is complete!


	23. You Know That Joke About When Two Rogues Get Engaged?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke gives Varric an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left! Whhhhhaaaaaaaattttttt???

Varric hovered above Hawke whom was still very much pinned beneath him. He desperately wanted to grin and tease her relentlessly on her facial expression. But, he was dying for an answer. Hawke continued to gawk at him and make incoherent noises at him. Maybe if he let her go on he’d start to see the smoke coming out of her ears? 

“Are you…? Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?” She stammered. 

Ah, there was the first sentence that made sense. It was just like Hawke to completely to dodge life-changing questions by asking MORE questions. It wasn’t like she didn’t have reason to question it even HE would have questioned it. He’d made it abundantly clear that over the years that he wasn’t a man to marry. However, that all changed once him and Hawke became exclusive. 

She changed him faster than anyone woman could in such a short time frame. He’d come to this realization that he’d wanted Hawke in his life—forever. And if that meant that they’d be bound in holy matrimony or whatever the hell humans did with marriage then so be it. 

He hadn’t expected to come to asking her hand for a while. But then again, he hadn’t expected to be crowned Viscount in her absence, either. As soon as he was crowned the council had immediately jumped down his throat about producing an heir or someone else that could take on the role if things went to shit. 

By going to shit, they meant in case that Qunari seized the city and he was to be beheaded. Now, the thought of producing an heir made him hysterically laugh until tears had come out of his eyes. He could understand their urgency since Varric just loved running around and being the hero. His arguments ere put to rest once he saw the insistence in their demand that he either produce an heir or find a wife. 

Varric’s immediate thought as Hawke. She was not only a perfect candidate for protecting the city but he loved her more than anyone else. Also the Merchants Guild would lose their shit over him marrying a human. He could have appointed her to the city council but what fun would there be in that? He much more prided himself in seeing the gears in her head stop turning for a few seconds. 

“You…you’re asking what I think you’re asking? But…you can’t do that!” Hawke protested, her green eyes were aflame with surprise. 

Varric raised a brow. “I can’t?” 

He started to lose his nerve. By Andraste’s ass, she really was going to laugh in his face. Why couldn’t he ask her to marry him? It wasn’t like he was unobtainable and the world wasn’t burning down at the very moment. Now was a better time as any. He was tired of waiting around. Varric leaned off of Hawke and sunk back into his seat. 

Hawke brought herself upright. “I mean…you CAN but I just wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting a proposal....and from YOU, of all people.” Hawke’s eyes flickered back to him, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. 

“You really want to marry me?” She asked. 

Varric’s shoulders slumped. He was so busy worrying about himself that he didn’t think of Hawke. Truth be told, he wasn’t expecting to actually marry but the idea of spending his life with her…that was more alluring. 

He suddenly remembered the day that he’d fallen for her, back at the Hanged Man. It was after Hawke had argued with Leandra about her getting set up with a noble man and being married off. The idea had immediately repulsed Hawke. Any idea of marital matters or becoming a wife disgusted Hawke. She even said that being married was hard for her to imagine. 

But even then, Varric had known that she didn’t deserve a boring life. Together, they never had a boring life. No one deserved her, no regular man would be able to handle all her baggage like Varric had. He’d seen her from her lowest and helped her raise her to the highest potential. There wasn’t an elf, human or Qunari alive that knew her like HE did. 

“Hawke, I’ve done this before and it didn’t turn out so well. It caused more problems and it made everything so much worse. There isn’t anyone else that I’d rather be chained beside with.” He said, sighing. 

Maybe that’s why he was losing his nerve so quickly. He’d done this with Bianca and it just ended in heart break and complications for them. Hawke was different though—what they had was different. He had grown tired of waiting around for Bianca. He was ready to settle down—with Hawke. Truth be told, if she had gotten here sooner they would have already been married by now. 

Of course, leave it to Hawke to disappear into thin air once the waters calmed and the storm cleared. That was just second nature to her. He looked back up to Hawke, her green eyes were burning brightly into his. She leaned down and placed a hand on his cheek. 

Hawke’s face was so damn unreadable that he felt like he was being interrogated all over again. Or reciting a story in nothing but his breeches. Or he was dangling from a branch and Hawke was on the ledge debating if she should grasp his hand or not. He sighed again. 

“Remember when I told you that you haven’t experienced the scariest thing yet?” He asked. 

Hawke nodded. 

“Well, that time has come and it’s walking down the aisle…with me.” 

“Really? Me?” She asked, still dumbfounded by the idea. 

He was getting to the point where he was going to throttle her. “I don’t know what life holds for us but I’m ready to bear it all with you. I won’t let you slip from my fingers anymore. We fight it together, that’s what we’ve always done. You’re my best friend, Hawke. I need you more than I need my own damn crossbow.” 

Then, he watched as a smile spread across her face. It was slow, like watching ice melt over the warm air and then when she smiled hugely the sun had come out. 

“Just tell me where to meet you and what time and we’ll do this. Together.” She murmured. Relief flooded through him. 

“So….you’re saying…?” He knew exactly what she was saying but he wanted to hear the ONE word. Just that little word and he’d be set. Hawke’s eyes narrowed at his shit-eatin grin. She groaned dramatically before grasping him by the collar of his duster. He had opted out all the fancy wear that he was given. The ‘nobility’ styles made him gag. And quite frankly, dusters did him more justice than whatever else they had made for him. 

“I’m saying yes, you insufferable dwarf.” She grinned. 

Hawke pulled him up on his feet and brought him into her chest, she caught his lips and kissed deeply. Varric had been waiting for that answer for what felt like centuries but as only five minutes in real time. Hawke’s tongue slid across his lower lip looking for entrance and all his thoughts flew out of his mind. 

Varric wondered why he had removed himself from being on top of her in the first place. Hawke’s legs wrapped around his waist and brought him in. He met her tongue with his as his hands gripped her sides. It wasn’t until he heard arguing outside the door that he remembered he had a time limit. 

Bran burst through the door with Aveline on his tails. The noise made both of the rogues to split apart and twist their heads toward the commotion. Aveline was sporting her regular grimace as Bran scolded her for distracting him away from Varric. Upon his arrival, Bran’s whining was cut short when he saw Hawke sitting on Varric’s desk, her legs still wrapped around his middle. 

“Oh for the love of the Maker, Hawke this is very unprofessional-“ He started. Hawke twisted her body toward Bran. 

“Is that how you’re going to treat your future Viscountess?” She asked. Bran’s face paled and he turned his gaze toward Varric. 

Varric simply smirked and gave a wink to him. 

“You can’t be serious. She caused the Mage Rebellion!” He whined. 

“Did you forget to mention that I was part of that?” Varric said, pretending to sound offended. Bran’s eyes nearly lit on fire with anger. 

“Both of you are scoundrels.” He grumbled and walked out of the room. 

“Which is why we’re PERFECT for each other!” Hawke called out waiting for his exasperated groan. Life being Viscount wouldn’t be so damn boring anymore now that Hawke was going to be beside him this entire time. Aveline shook her head at them, trying to conceal her own smile. 

“Welcome back to Kirkwall, Hawke.” She said and went back to her duties. She was still the iron fisted Guard Captain as she was before the rebellion. Varric needed some common and stable ground between them. There were days where he drove her up a wall but that was all in good fun. 

Hawke turned back around to Varric after the doors had closed. She smiled at him, her eyes closing and a happy hum coming from her chest. 

“Welcome back home, Hawke.”


	24. Well, Shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric basks in the two years he's had back in Kirkwall with Hawke at his side.

The sun was just barely poking through the curtains when Varric was roused from his sleep. He opened one eye and then the other, he blinked until his eyes adjusted to the light coming into the room around him. Varric huffed, rubbing his eyes mentally preparing himself for the long day that he was going to have. He sat and Hawke’s snoring filled the room’s silence. He turned his head to where she slept peacefully, her body twisted into the sheets and her hair that was now cropped shortly twisted up in a hazy mess. 

He grinned once he looked to see her golden band around her finger glimmering from the light poking in. They’d successfully been married for nearly two years and yet it had felt like nothing had changed between them. Well, nothing really had. All they did was sign their names on a piece of formal paper and Hawke had become Flora Hawke-Thethras. The hyphen was her demand since she still clung to her maiden name tightly. 

Their relationship had been defined and finalized by a quick scribble on a plain piece of paper. Yet, that paper held more history than anyone could have known. There was weight within those signatures, promises that were kept, silly ideas that were daydreams and every moment marked down by a quill. It hadn’t been the first time he’d written something that was close to him. But that turned into a huge novel whereas this was just…one page. 

Varric requested two weeks off for his honeymoon. They first went to Ferelden where Hawke had gone to see the rumble of where Lothering once stood. She’d placed flowers where her old house was kept and pressed a hand to the broken down house that laid there. Then it was to Antiva where they had stayed for the remainder of their vacation. Hawke had barely opened the door before he pounced on her. They didn’t make it to the bed before he had her pinned beneath him. 

They wandered back to Kirkwall on foot just to piss off Bran and make him tear out his hair. They dodged the guard service that was sent to return them safely back to Kirkwall. Instead, the hopped out the back exit of their small inn and trekked on foot. Varric hated wandering back since he wasn’t too fond of dirt, mud, trees, grass, and anything else nature provided. But, he endured it since this was their last time being together and being just themselves. 

They’d return to a life that was going to want to pull them away from each other. Varric had his viscount duties and Hawke had to find even footing on where she’d make her place back in the city. He hated thinking that things weren’t going to be the same for them but he couldn’t help it that he had been crowned viscount. Which the new title made him boast now more than ever during a game of Wicked Grace. It got disgusted groans from Aveline and even Hawke to sneer. 

Once they’d returned to the city—a week later. Bran’s anger had been visible from the office. Steam was practically pouring out of his ears while his whole body was close to erupting in flames. Hawke made a comment about roasting some sort of meat with just his anger alone. All Varric did was pat Bran on the arm and take his place back at being Viscount. Things worked well and the city’s was healing. 

Hawke had taken over the responsibility of seeing that Kirkwall’s restoration had continued. Since she still felt at fault for Blondie blowing half of the city to shreds. She threw herself into her jobs and busied her life by doing guard work with any new recruits with Aveline. The two lived for scaring the piss out of the newcomers. It was like time hadn’t changed for the two friends at all once she’d returned. Hawke had won the city over—again—in nearly two months’ time

Varric hadn’t realized that he’d been staring at his ring and thinking so deeply until he felt the bed shift underneath him. He felt Hawke’s lips at his ear, her teeth playing with his earring and it nearly took all of his own strength to not let his eyes roll back into his head. Giant, human vixen. He cursed in his head. He became aware of her bare chest pressed against his back and the feeling of her heart patting against it. 

He didn’t want to admit that hearing or feeling her heart beat soothed him. He could listen to it all day if he had his way. Even when he’d wake up before her and he’d hear her steady breathing (before her obnoxious snoring came in) calmed his nerves. It was a constant reminder that he could have lost those moments in a split second decision. It made him remember the events of Adamant and being in the Fade and he was grateful that he was able to wake up beside her every morning. 

It still stung whenever he’d remember being in the Fade. The place was a horror to mages as it was and it made his gut twist realizing that he’d been in there PHYSICALLY. He thanked his Ancestors every time he’d woken up from a dreamless slumber. It may haunt his thoughts for the remainder of his life but he was more than happy not being able to dream about it. However, the dreams had plagued Hawke. When she’d first returned she barely slept from her nightmares and had episodes nearly three times a week from it. 

It wasn’t until she got comfortable again that her episodes weren’t as bad. It pained him worse than anything he’d ever have to pick her up off the floor from one of them. He’d listen to her crying about losing her family and being a fuck up. Her mind had become a prison and it scared him to no end what she actually thought of herself. Things seemed to lessen once they’d gotten married, though. She’d felt safer with him and nightmares weren’t frequent. 

Hawke’s hand had slid from his shoulder to his chest and she ran her fingers through his chest hair. She planted a kiss on his neck and leaned herself forward. “I’m surprised you’re awake. Considering how exhausted I made you last night.” Hawke purred into his ear. 

Varric smirked but raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “YOU made ME exhausted? If I’m remembering correctly—and I am. I nearly had you screaming the Chant last night.” 

Hawke laughed and his heart thrummed happily in his chest. It was still like music to him. “Why don’t we have a contest, then?” She asked and Varric twisted his head to look at her. Her eyes were narrowed and her eyebrows were raised. She was suggesting a contest? What was better than him being right again? Oh yes, nothing. 

Before he acted on instinct to yank her into his chest a loud rap came from his door. His eyes shot to the door where he began praying that it had been a mistake. He waited for a few more seconds before another rap sounded and then three more came. He groaned, sliding of the bed and walking towards the door. He swung it open to see Bran standing there with his usual grimace. 

“WHAT?” He growled. 

“This letter came for you. It’s from Divine Victoria.” Bran said plainly, as if he was uninterested. Varric knew that the man was more than interested in snooping through his letters. Varric’s face fell once he realized that it was Vivienne—Victoria sending a message. It peaked his interest enough to grasp the letter and slam the door on Bran’s face. 

He ripped the seal and scanned the invitation to the Exalted March…the grounds of the Inquisition’s status. Shit. Varric nearly groaned aloud. Divine Victoria was definitely going to want him there and he was going to be an ambassador for Kirkwall. He looked up to Hawke, who was now pulling a tunic over her chest. He came back and sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes scanning the letter once more.

“Well, shit.” He grumbled. 

“An Exalted March? I’m quite sure I told the Inquisitor to NOT have one of those.” Hawke said sitting next to him. 

“You know her, she always likes to stir up trouble.” He said. 

The Inquisition had been quiet over the last two years. They’d kept the peace within Thedas and was still a force to not be reckoned with. The last time he’d seen the Inquisitor or the entire inner circle was at his wedding. To which everyone was nearly drunk from the Dwarven ale that they had served. But this was something entirely didn’t and it didn’t bode well. 

“Well, shall I suit up and come with you?” Hawke said, giving him a grin. 

“You know Bran is going to murder both of us if I take you with me. And besides, you successfully avoided being part of Kirkwall’s Exalted March—which never happened.” He said raising his eyebrows at her. Hawke smiled sheepishly. 

“But think of the fun I’ll have the Inquisitor. She’ll be positively delighted to see me.” 

“Is that before or after she murders you and flays you on a cooking spit?” 

“Hopefully before.” 

“Hawke-“ 

“Varric, don’t Hawke me. This doesn’t sound good for the Inquisition and you know that Orlais has assassins.” Hawke warned. 

“I’m more than capable of handling myself, Hawke. Besides, someone has to look over Kirkwall while I’m gone.” 

Hawke pouted but he couldn’t take her along with him. There would be too many people that would lose their big-wigs and hats if the Champion of Kirkwall participated in an Exalted March. If there was anything to happen, he didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing her. It was an immediate deny to allow her to come along. 

“Don’t give me that face. You know I would if I could.” He said standing up now and throwing on his usual outfit of a tunic and duster. 

Bran had tried to be adamant about his wearing formal garb to look the part of viscount but then Varric told him where he could shove the fancy clothes and all the arguments died. There were plenty of times where they’d told him to such and such and he didn’t. 

Hawke was still wearing her tunic and laying on her knees in the bed when he’d placed his crown on his head. It was eerily frightening to wear the damn thing every morning. 

“I don’t want you to go. I don’t like it that I won’t know what’s going on.” Hawke sighed, holding the letter in her hands. Varric removed the parchment from her grasp and kissed her deeply on the mouth. 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll write you every day that I’m there and then when you finally get bored of me gossiping about everyone I’ll be back by then.” He grinned at her. Hawke looked up to him before she grasped him back down and caught his lips. 

Maker, she knew how to kiss and he damned himself for not being better at kissing her. She pulled away and looked into his eyes. “You better return to me in one piece or so help me.” She hissed. 

“Relax. I’ve got this. What’s the worst that could happen?” He said with his eyebrow raised high. Hawke gave him a look of disbelief. She was so horribly good at sensing when things could go bad and he hated it because her instincts were right…nearly all the time. 

Had he known that the events of that Exalted March would shake the very ground he stood on, he would have never agreed to going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone that commented, bookmarked and gave kudos. It's amazing that I actually completed a fanfic that continued to still be well-liked! Thank you so much everyone and I hope I can interest you guys in more fanfics to come!


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